"Life is a big canvas...

ATTENTION

2010-01-18T17:04:00.003-05:00

after much debate, i decided that it was time for me to start up a new blog. the one you are currently reading will not be deleted, in order to save the number of photos and experiences i have documented here; however, from now on, i will continue my writing on:

http://ashleymanderson.wordpress.com

take note! i appreciate you reading and caring about what i'm doing with my life :)

xoxox

ash

holidays.

2010-01-11T12:04:00.006-05:00

i fly back to new york tomorrow, and my feelings about that are a bit uncertain. i finally feel like a typical college student, i suppose! it's as if new york is just where i go to school, not necessarily where i live. i'm even considering spending the entire summer back home! i haven't done that since i graduated high school.. how strange.

i've so enjoyed being in california, traveling up to humboldt county to visit my lovely grandma, driving down to san luis obispo to surprise my incredible sister, and just relaxing and soaking in my amazing little hometown.

more josh.

2010-01-02T02:34:00.001-05:00

i'm beyond stoked that i've loved this guy for so many years and he's finally starting to get national recognition.

checklist.

2009-12-23T16:10:00.003-05:00

i love being home :) since i've been here, i've:
-gone back to being a blonde
-had (very minor) surgery
-eaten delicious, authentic mexican food
-gotten a new glasses prescription (sad.)
-seen some of my favorite people in the world
-slept

tonight i am going to finally conquer my big goal of running from my mom's house to my dad's house, which is roughly four miles. eek! it'll be great. i'm just absolutely loving being home, enjoying every last bit of it :)

merry christmas to you all! xoxox

busy body

2009-12-13T08:18:00.005-05:00

TODAY IS MY MOMMA'S BIRTHDAY! i love you so much, and I can't wait to give you a giant birthday/i've missed you/love-filled bear hug :)

it's been much too long since i've written anything, and to tell you the truth, i don't even have time to be writing this. instead, i'm going to give you a little snippet of something i've done recently :)

finals are this week, and i'm flying home on thursday, and after that i'll be able to breathe again. i apologize for my lack of writing... a girl can only do so much!

this is one of three songs i sang for a benefit this past weekend that one of my friends in boston coordinated. enjoy!

I Heart The Ciulla's

2009-11-29T19:09:00.003-05:00

I had the most wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. I ended up catching a 1 o'clock train to Boston on Wednesday afternoon, which I am so glad I did because the traffic on I-95 was absolutely disgusting. Too bad the train is so expensive, or else I'd take it all of the time. Anyway, I cannot even begin to explain how great it was to see Jennelle again. I didn't realize just how much I missed my best friend until I saw her again. Nothin' like a little girl time! I've been around boys so much lately that I forgot how nice it was to just be able to chat about girl things.

We spent Wednesday evening and all of Thursday at her parent's house in Wilmington, hanging out with her family and setting up the big feast. Apparently Thanksgiving with the Ciulla family is usually spent at Jennelle's aunt's house, but this year it was at her parent's house instead. Now, as far as holiday dinners are concerned, I'm used to small get-togethers with my parents and sisters, maybe an uncle or two and their families, sometimes my Grandma, and occasionally a family friend and their family (if applicable); however, Jennelle's family consists of numerous aunts, uncles, cousins, and an adorable little Grandmother (Nana!). It was so fun to chat with everyone, listen to their conversations, and observe their big family dynamics. I can't wait until my sisters and I all have kids so our holidays can be big and crazy like that. It was so nice to be around a family again. I must admit, though, that it made me even more excited to go back to my own family (three weeks you guys! yay!)

I don't really eat much in New York, so my stomach capacity has shrunken quite a bit. Rob Ciulla is not one to let anyone who walks into his house leave hungry.. I was so full by the end of Thursday night, I couldn't even sit down without feeling sick. Jennelle's cousin and I were pacing the house, hoping with every hope in our bodies, that our delicious dinners would just digest. It was such an amazing meal though! I've missed homecooked, scrumptious meals.

Jennelle had to work on Friday afternoon, so her and I went back to Boston after dinner on Thursday, and her and I both went into MJ's the next morning. I was hoping that more people would be working, but I should have known that they wouldn't schedule a lot of people on the Friday morning after Thanksgiving on a low-capacity day. Pfsh. It was really nice to get to see some of the people there again though. I miss MJ's! Friday night, Jennelle, her mom, her aunt, her sister, and I all went to see "New Moon" and then went out to dinner. "New Moon" was so good! I can't say that I was blown away, because movies very rarely live up to the glory of the book, but it was a really good adaptation. "Eclipse" is going to be amazing (I hope)!

I got to see a couple more of my old friends that night, and I played Wii for the first time! I know now what everyone has been saying about Wii Tennis.. My arm is still killing me. Jennelle's boyfriend Joe and I were playing Wii Baseball, and I swung the bat so hard at one point that my soft socks combined with the wood floor threw me down like a sack of potatoes. It was hilarious! A cute little bruise appeared on my shin this morning from it.. Too funny. We all woke up early the next morning, so I could catch the 12 o'clock bus back to New York, and here I am!

I'll be back in Boston in a week and a half to sing at a show that my friend Nayana is coordinating, and then I'll be back in California a week after that! There are Christmas lights and holiday decorations all over the city now, and it is absolutely adorable. The Macy's in Herald Square is all decked out too! I can't believe that it's nearly December, and it still hasn't snowed yet, nor is it even cold enough to snow. I must say, I think winter in New York is going to be a little bit more beautiful than autumn in New York :)

thanks be with you, and also with you.

2009-11-24T13:30:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow evening, I'm catching the train to spend the weekend in Boston for Thanksgiving! I really cannot stress enough how glad I am that this holiday has finally arrived. I miss Jennelley, Tessie, Lucas, AJ, Kate, Dan, the entire Ciulla family, everyone at MJ's... Ahh, to see everyone again is going to be so lovely!

Erika and her best friend Eva held a clothing drive this past weekend, and they ended up collecting nearly 3,000 articles of winter clothing! I am so proud of them, and I find their kind hearts and love for their community to be beyond admirable. There were numerous articles about their cause, cleverly named "Warm A Cold Shoulder", in the newspapers (they were even featured on the local news!) One thing that the girls mentioned really stood out for me though.. Pardon my paraphrasing.. Around the holidays, one thing that people in fortunate circumstances often overlook is the fact that they are WARM. Regardless of shelter, central heating systems, whathaveyou, every person deserves to feel warm during these chilly winter months.

I see homeless people so often around this city that I've gotten used to seeing them, or NOT seeing them, rather. How arrogant is that? Erika and Eva's efforts have really gotten me thinking about my life, the priviledges that I have, and what I am truly thankful for. Thank you, to both of you, for reaching out and giving everything that you could back to your community. The gesture, the warmth, the love, the dedication, and the inspiration that you both exude means more than any amount of money could buy or words could properly express.

I am thankful that I have a loving family that continuously supports my crazy aspirations and decisions. I am thankful that I have a comfortable bed to sleep in every night. I am thankful that I am living in one of the most amazing cities in the world. I am thankful that I am being educated at one of the most incredible universities in the country. I am thankful for the incredible people that I've met throughout my life, and that those people are constantly more than happy and willing to take me under their wing at any moment.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, everyone :)

Xoxoxo

JOURNEY

2009-11-14T16:32:00.009-05:00

Last Tuesday, I was walking to class and I noticed a big press conference going on in the middle of Washington Place. I was early for class, so I decided to stick around for a little while and see what all of the commotion was about. I saw Mayor Bloomburg, Emma Thompson, and two other people standing on a stage situated in front of a long row of those large storage portables.

I had seen these portables being delivered throughout the week prior, but I had no idea what they were for. It turns out that this was an art exhibit dedicated to the awareness of sex trafficking in Europe and throughout the world.

This morning, I finally went to go see it, and I am so beyond thankful that I did. Prior to seeing this exhibit, I'd be aware of sex trafficking, but until this afternoon, I realize now that I hardly knew anything. This display is set up as seven different portables all connecting to one another through open passageways.

Each portable focuses on a different step of one particular girl's journey into this awful, unspoken world. It forces the viewer to put themselves into the mind of this young woman, using sounds, smells, and mirrors to further engage the viewer. The one portable that is still making my stomach turn was a bedroom set-up.

I could smell the room before I even stepped through the door, and it was horrendous - Absolutely gut-wrenching. The stench from the dirty carpet, the condoms covering the floor, and the overflowing trash can is still lingering in my nose; at one point, after about thirty seconds in the room, I had to bring my scarf to my face and breath through it because I couldn't stand the smell any longer. There was a motor inside the bed making it move up and down in an obvious sexual rhythm, with a very disturbing soundtrack coming from hidden speakers.

By the time I reached the last portable, I couldn't quite pin-point my emotions. I felt sad, disgusted, dirty, and ashamed, yet also thankfully enlightened. How despicable it is that we live in a world where things like this happen, completely under the radar. Thank God for people like Emma Thompson and the Helen Bamer Foundation for bringing realities like this to the world's attention.

This exhibit is making its way around the country, but it only shows for about a week, and then it moves on. If it happens to come to a city near you, or if you get a opportunity to experience it, I highly recommend you do so. Words cannot describe this experience and the power it conveys.

unbelievably beautiful.

2009-11-13T11:10:00.000-05:00

star struck.

2009-11-11T09:30:00.000-05:00

UPDATED: 11.11.09

I figure I should probably start a running list of the different celebrities I see in the city. I mean, I spend most of my time in a chic part of Manhattan, so it's bound to happen. Let's see how many I have seen by the end of the year...

(Most recent sighting is listed first, least recent is listed last, etc...)

-James Franco, actor
-JOSH RITTER, musician (my all-time favorite musician, mind you...)
-Emma Thompson, actress
-Michael Bloomberg, Mayor of New York City
-Lance Armstrong, athlete
-Jude Law, actor
-James Cromwell, actor
-Spencer Breslin, actor
-Hilary Duff, actress/singer
-Chris Noth, actor
-Christian Siriano, winner of Project Runway (Season Four)
-Liev Schrieber, actor
-Dara Torres, olympic swimmer

11.5

2009-11-07T22:56:00.009-05:00

jump

in my favorite dreams, i go back to that place - our place - with sun and wind caressing a golden blanket that extends as far as our eyes, mine blue, yours brown, can see.

tall, strong cliffs surround our place, noble and eternal. they watched us meet, smile, play, and connect, and they laughed at how young we were. sometimes we climbed those cliffs, not in rebellion but in good fun, and at the top, you stood tall, staring out at the Pacific with awe and so much determination. i looked down at that golden blanket, wondering, pondering, debating, over and over, many times again,

if i were to jump, would you, could you, catch me in time?

i wondered this for a very long while, and by the time i looked back towards you, you had gone away. i don't know what that big, blue ocean was telling you, but you listened. what would those cliffs say to me now? do it. now. just go.

i look down, take a deep breath, and i . . .

the wind strokes my skin with soft fingertips
breath escapes me and doesn't return
fear consumes me, but i embrace it
your light illuminates my horizon
those brown eyes, warm and encouraging,
calling me, comforting me

----

shoulders touch, hands graze, eyes meet
silence.
tall, short, black, white, big, little
unseen.
uptown, downtown, BK, BX, home free, homeless
alone.
happy, sad, laugh, cry, smile, frown
blank.
fall, fall, down, down, down...
gone.

:(

2009-11-03T16:27:00.003-05:00

today was a very tragic day. this morning, around 4:30 AM, an NYU student jumped to his death from the 10th floor balcony of the library. i didn't know the young man, but it really upsets me. i've always thought suicide was a very selfish act, and i still think so, but now that this has happened so close to me, to someone my age, to someone in my class, i can't help but feel sad.

2009-10-30T13:20:00.002-04:00

I feel like I should have a lot of updates since so much time has passed since my last real post, but I really can't think of anything out of the ordinary to write! I got an A- on my first paper, a C on my second... I've just been unbelievably busy with school, writing papers, reading, finally making friends (!!) and that's really all I've been up to. Halloween is this weekend, and my Boston loves are throwing an incredible party tomorrow night that I can't attend due to my lack of extra finances :( I'm pretty bummed about that, but Zach is taking the train in tomorrow afternoon, so it will be nice to see him again. It's been about seven months! I have no idea what we're going to do, but I'm dressing up as Marilyn Monroe (a classy one, this time...) which should be fun! I mean, it's New York, so I highly doubt we're not going to find anything to do...

insanity.

2009-10-19T06:13:00.004-04:00

I've been up getting ready for class since 5 AM, just checked my school e-mail (6:10 AM) and my first class was cancelled! Dang it. So now I finally have some time to write about the last couple of weeks!

Let me just say a few things before I begin: never in my life have I had more school work; never in my life have I been more exhausted; never in my life have I had more fun.

Last Friday (the 9th was it?) one of my best friends Lucas came from Boston for the weekend to visit. I met him at the Bolt Bus terminal around 11 or so, got a delicious and quite expensive sandwich from the Carnegie Deli, and then ventured back to my abode for a little while. Lucas' plan for New York was to venture around the city to eat, trying different cuisines, famous places, classic New York foods ($1 pizza slices, pastrami on rye, etcetc..) and all by walking to these said locations. When we came back into Manhattan, we got off at the NYU stop, wandered around there for a while, snagged a slice of $1 pizza in the East Village, and then casually made our way up to 42nd and 9th so he could check into his hostel. There, we met up with Hunter, walked up to and through a section of Central Park (where Lucas bought a hot dog) and then we made our way back down to Times Square. Now, by this time it was about 6 PM, and Lucas and I had walked at least 100 blocks. By the time 7 o'clock rolled around, and we hadn't stopped walking, we were searching for a Starbucks like a drug addict searches for his next fix. We were exhausted! Finally, at 8 o'clock, we made our way to Columbus Circle to get on an A train headed towards the airport to meet my dad!

After meeting my dad around 9:30, we took an hour long, crazy taxi ride back to Brooklyn, let my dad drop off his belongings, and then we headed out into the city again! We were all starving and had planned on going to a big sushi buffet in Midtown, but instead we decided to investigate a restaurant called "Platters." Apparently this place has some of the most incredible Halal food around; as we were searching for it, we came across a street cart parked on the corner of 53rd and 6th (or somewhere in the vicinity) that had a line down the entire block, and this was "Platters." We debated standing in line, since it was nearly midnight and had started to rain, but we figured we might as well give it a chance, and everyone around said it would be worth it. We waited in this ridiculous line for 30 minutes, and all four of us can honestly tell you that it was the best decision we had ever made. I kid you not when I tell you that this was the most delicious lamb and rice combination I have ever eaten in my entire life! It was unbelievably delicious. After walking nearly 200 blocks in a single day, it was the perfect finish. Anyway, we finished this delicious cuisine, and my dad and I headed back to Brooklyn, the boys went back to their respective sleeping places, got home around 2 AM, and went to bed!

Claire's flight came in around 7 AM on Saturday morning, so we really didn't get much sleep on Friday night. I had a lot of homework due in the upcoming week, and so while my dad went to meet Claire and then into Manhattan, I stayed home for a little while and did some homework. Lucas met me around noon, we went and got coffee from a friend's cafe (for free too! Thank you Justin :) ) and then met up with my dad, Claire, and Hunter at the previously mentioned sushi buffet in Midtown. Delicious as well! Now, Lucas, Hunter, and I were absolutely exhausted from the day before, but my dad and Claire were quite refreshed and wanting to explore New York City. It was so tough to get myself to have as much energy and enthusiasm that I had had the previous day with Lucas, but I did it! I can't even remember exactly what we all did that day, but we definitely walked at least a good 100 blocks again. We ended up in Soho at Ray's Pizza (the actual original Ray's.. there are at least 10 in Manhattan that I've seen) and on the way there, Claire was aimlessly walking down the street and bumped right smack into Hilary Duff and her friend, and she didn't even realize it! It was hilarious. After dinner, we went to Little Italy for some dessert. Lucas headed back to Boston around 10 PM or so (miss you! xo) and the rest of us went home.

On Sunday, I had to leave around 7:30 to go babysit on the Upper West Side, but I planned on meeting my dad and Claire around 2 o'clock when I was to get off work. The mom of this kid ended up letting me leave around noon, but the two of them had bought tickets for the Guggenheim, so I just went back to Brooklyn to get some more homework done. I guess they did some more Manhattan exploring, but by dinner time, I met them at Katz' Delicatessen for a phenomenal sandwich dinner! Dad got pastrami on rye and the best matzo ball soup any of us have ever tasted, Claire got roast beef on rye, and I got turkey on rye. We each had one half of our own sandwiches and then split the other in half and gave one half of that to the others at the table, just so we could all have a taste of the deliciousness that was Katz' Deli. Yum!

Monday, I have class at 8 AM, so I have to be out of the house by 7 to catch the subway. My dad and Claire were going to leave later that morning to go up to New England to look at some colleges, so my dad came with me into Manhattan so he could take the train to the airport to rent a car. This past week for me was the epitome of a hell week; every class had a big assignment, a paper, or an exam due, each on a different day of the week. I had no breaks! I felt so awful because I literally had no time to chat or goof off. Every "free" second had to be spent studying or writing, and it was just ridiculous. My dad and Claire got back to New York on Wednesday afternoon for Claire's Wednesday evening flight back home, and my dad stayed in New York until yesterday afternoon! I had class all day on Thursday, but that night and all weekend, we just adventured around the city by day, eating dinner at a different restaurant and cuisine around my neighborhood by night. Whenever I was busy at school or working, my dad did some adventuring by himself, but for the most park, it was just me and dad! We rode bikes in Central Park, went to the Met, took the train out to Coney Island.. it was so so nice, I can't even tell you :)

Sometimes, which is a very often sometimes usually, I stop and think of how unbelievable it is that I'm living in New York City, going to school, and experiencing the most ridiculous city life possible. My dad is even more thrilled that I'm here that I am I think, and it was really nice to be able to experience and share that feeling of awe. I love you, Dad! Thank you for coming to visit me :) it's so comforting for me to know that those I love have a visual and an experience of where I'm living. Now my mom has to come visit!!

*note: upon further review (and advice) the previous video that I had posted was declared to be not that funny, so I'm bringing you some Kevin James stand-up instead :)

true friendship.

2009-10-09T00:44:00.000-04:00

don't be afraid to shed a tear or twenty :)

I am he as you are he as you are me...

2009-10-04T22:59:00.006-04:00

I had a dream last night that I believe was a continuation of a dream I had a couple of nights ago. The original dream was set in a courtroom, and I was testifying against a man who had snuck into my apartment. Apparently, I had returned home from school, and when he heard me opening the door, he jumped into the bathtub, where he remained for 27 minutes. Once I was in the middle of making dinner, he crept out the front door without taking anything, hurting me, or making a sound. I was confused as to why I had to testify against him.

Last night, I dreamt that the court was back in session, and midway through the proceedings, the judge decided to conduct an experiment. He decided to try to go back in time to that day when the man was hiding in my bathtub. This way, if I caught the man in the act of home invasion, it would be easier and quicker to get him behind bars. Why not? I figured. So, as I walked into my apartment that afternoon, knowing the man was hiding there, I tried to go about my routine in the same way I had before; however, as I walked into the bathroom, the man threw his arms into the shower curtain and began suffocating me with it. I ended up waking up mid-suffocation, my body tense, and I could feel my lungs and my vocal chords struggling with the coordination to cry out for help. I went to sleep very quickly after that, but the entire thing makes me very curious.

*

I feel so distraught right now, as if I should be sobbing, but I can't find a way to form a tear. I just finished watching the movie "Seven Pounds" with Will Smith, and it was one of the most powerful films I have seen in a very long time. I won't ruin the end because I think you should see it immediately; this man, despite his pain and despair, wants nothing more than spend his life helping people. It's strange how prevalent the message of that movie is in connection to things I've been thinking about lately. I think it is so important that we each do something in our lives that benefits someone else. Whether that be one person, ten people, or hundreds of people, that is up to the individual; nevertheless, acting selflessly is something that very few people actually practice, and it's a shame. The Pintupi (an aboriginal Australian group) base their entire life's philosophy on maintaining friendships and bonds between those who are close. A "relative" is someone who one cares about and has spent a lot of time with, not necessarily someone who is blood related. I read a quote in one of my textbooks that said "'Money is the main thing for whites; they don't worry who will cry for them when they die,'" and that really struck a chord for me. We tend to get so caught up in our monetary lives that we overlook the things that should take precedence. These things we tend to call "the little things," when in reality, they are quite far from it.

Please, think of someone who you appreciate, love, respect, or admire, and let them know how you feel. Cherish the love and happiness that you have in your life! Those "little" gestures usually pack the biggest punch; if you care about someone, why would you keep it inside? That one action could very well make more of an impact than you may ever know! Without wealth, status, materials, or ego, all we have is each other, and that should be of the utmost importance. We are all together.

Wonderland.

2009-10-04T09:12:00.008-04:00

First of all, let me just tell you all that if you haven't seen the film "Phoebe in Wonderland" you need to go rent it as soon as you possibly can. My lovely momma sent me a link to get NetFlix for free for a month (!!) so I've spent the last two days watching movies nonstop. I just finished this one this morning, and it's an absolutely beautiful film. Go go go!

I got home the other evening to find not one but TWO lovely pieces of snail mail waiting for me in my mailbox. The first was a care package from Erika, filled with a variety of "flat" goodies (including the new Jay-Z CD which I absolutely LOVE!) The second was a wonderful card from Jennelle. Nothing warms the heart like a spontaneous gesture like that :) I used to think of my lack of a big group of friends as some sort of downfall, but when I look at the friendships I DO have, they are all so special, so strong, and most likely lifelong. Sure, being a social butterfly would be wonderful, but if something bad were to happen, who would that social butterfly turn to? It's the best feeling in the world to know that if something awful were to happen to me, there would always be someone I would be able to go to. I was born with a best friend, got another one three and a half years later, and met the others in different times along the way to where I am now. I love you all very very much, and I don't know where I'd be without you :)

Last night I was supposed to babysit for a family (who was offering quite a generous hourly rate) but they never confirmed with me, so instead I went out for dinner and a walk with Athen and Hunter! I have had friendship on my mind for the past few days, and seeing them and being together again did nothing but reinforce my thoughts. It really made me starting thinking about ETC! and "Future Perfect Tense" again, and how lucky I was to have been a part of such a wonderful experience. I don't think I ever acknowledged it at the time, and I don't think I could have really seen what incredible friendships we were forming. Those seven people know more about me and my struggles than even some of my greatest friends do. The environment that Cat created and supported was... I cannot even find the right word for it. It was greater than spectacular, better than amazing, finer than exceptional. It was beautiful. When we performed, I think that chemistry could be seen by the audience, but there is no way that anyone will ever understand the magnitude of it except for us. I was criticized by some of my other friends for spending so much time with them in the last months of high school, but it is impossible for me to explain, even now, what kind of bond we all shared and how important that was to me. No matter what happens, I will love and cherish my friendships with Brady Morphy, Lili Horine, Athen Ross, Niko Skuljan, Max Simonet, Hunter MacNair, and Cat Austin for the rest of my life.

This week has a lot of anticipation.. Tuesday, I'm going to a job interview of sorts, really just a get-together with a mother and her son, who will hopefully be the new family I get to babysit for every week. I really hope it works out! They seem very sweet. Wednesday I have my first test at NYU, in French, so please keep your fingers crossed for me. Friday morning, Lucas is coming into town, and I am SO EXCITED for him to come visit. I can't wait! We're going to bop around New York all day, and then that night, my dad is flying in! THEN, on Saturday morning, Claire flies in too! It's a week and weekend full of excitement, friends, and family, and I couldn't be more thrilled.

My new anthem (lately)...

"New York, a concrete jungle where dreams are made of; there's nothing you can't do; now you're in New York; these streets will make you feel brand new, big lights will inspire you, now you're in New York..."

Jay-Z - New Music - More Music Videos

best friends and a little bitta jazz.

2009-09-23T19:49:00.006-04:00

Jennelley came to visit me this weekend!! It was so nice having someone familiar here, and someone to hang out with :) I missed her. We had dinner on Friday night at this cute little place called The Shake Shack, on 78th and Columbus. Delicious! I hadn't had a burger in a looong time. After that, we ended up walking from Central Park, to Columbus Circle, to Times Square, to Herald Square, to Madison Square Park, to Union Square, to Washington Square and NYU, to SoHo, and then home. 100 BLOCKS, no joke! It was exhausting, but it made the burger-eating a little less guilty, and it was nice to be able to show Jennelle around New York!

I painted all day Sunday, which I thought my Grandma would be proud of :) I hadn't done any kind of art project in years, so this was an absolute blast. I completely lost track of time and ended up painting until 11 PM (and I usually am in bed by 1030 on school nights..) but I loved it.

Monday, I was at school from 730 AM until 1030 PM. Longest day of my life.. but honestly, I wasn't even that tired, even with my lack of sleep the night before. Classes ended at 5, then I had to attend an Education Major seminar until 7. My roommate was playing a show in the school theatre at 8, so I decided to eat my PB&H and stick around to hear him. Now, I've listened to tracks of him and his band, named Origin Blue, play before, but I also know that jazz is a genre that must be listened to in person. From the moment they started playing, an enormous smile stretched across my face and never went away. Was that really my roommate playing so beautifully?? I was, and still am, quite speechless. Isamu is, by far, one of the most talented, magnificent, charismatic musicians I have ever had the pleasure of listening to. Honestly, he's exceptional. When he plays, the happiness and passion that he feels for music is not only expressed through the notes he plays but through the energy in the room and the smile on his face. The whole band, comprising of a pianist (Isamu McGregor), a bassist (Evan Crane), and a drummer (Jeff Hatcher), flawlessly display what it looks like to have the love of music running through their veins. I've never met the other boys, but they are unbelievably talented musicians. The video below is of them playing a song called "Krantz Time," which Isamu wrote, and described to me as "the crowd pleaser." It was my favorite of the evening :) This version is with Francesco Bearzatti, a saxaphone player who they met while studying abroad in Florence this past spring. Incredible!

silly, I know...

2009-09-16T11:47:00.005-04:00

...but I curiously Googled "what your birth date reveals about you" and got a pretty accurate answer. Here is my supposed personality:

# 2 THE PEACEMAKER
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.

i wish you were closer

2009-09-14T19:11:00.000-04:00

would you laugh if i told you i missed you? that lying in your arms is where i long to be and where i'd like to stay? when we kiss, electricity radiates from your lips to mine, down every finger tip, every toe, every strand of hair. even my eyelashes stand on end. envisioning your smile sends my stomach into a prolonged game of hopscotch, endlessly skipping and somersaulting, and i love every second of it. i want to be the one you think of when you fall asleep, who you dream about, and who you can't wait to wake up and see. i want to be here for you, for you to know that i'm here for you, despite our distance. you epitomize comfort, passion, intelligence, love, humor, friendship. i want to stand by you, proud of your success and accomplishments, ecstatic over the possibilities that the future holds, and honored that you chose me as your companion.

200 Greenwich Street

2009-09-12T11:07:00.017-04:00

Being in New York on September 11, I figured it would only be appropriate to go down to Ground Zero, look around, pay my respects... Never in my life have I been more emotionally stirred. I've always had an affinity for firemen; I find them to be among the most admirable, phenomenal people on this planet. It's making me choked up just thinking about it!

The past few days have been absolutely gorgeous, with plenty of sun, little humidity, a slight breeze.. yesterday, however, was dreadful. As cliche as it sounds, I declared that New York was crying yesterday. The entire city felt tranquil, especially near the site, and the second I walked up out of the subway, my emotions were on high sensitivity mode. I walked along the entire outline of the site, giving and receiving sad smiles and hellos, observing the hundreds of different colored roses and notes and letters that had been stuck through the fence, until I finally made it around to the WTC Visitor's Center. It had closed already, but right next door was a firehouse, which looked like it was only for viewing purposes, but it could have been active.. I'm not so sure. There were a couple engines in there, a whole bunch of quite attractive firemen (especially one named "Burns", which may or may not be ironic.. I liked him though :) hehe) They were posing for pictures, standing in front of a gorgeous motorcycle with 9/11 insignia on the sides. Down the side of this building, there is a giant memorial plaque which read "DEDICATED TO THOSE WHO FELL AND THOSE WHO CARRY ON... WE WILL NEVER FORGET" At this point, my eyes had been filled with tears for a good ten minutes; as I was observing this wall, though, someone yelled, "Make way! Make way!" It ended up being a captain who was trying to clear a path for the changing of the guards at this wall. As the three men slowly marched past me, I completely lost all control. The tears that had been resting in my eyes began spilling out, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
These men, so regal and noble, had witnessed such an enormous tragedy, lost friends, comrades, and willingly worked themselves past exhaustion in order to find hope in the most heartbreaking event of their lives. And here they were, still standing, right in front of me, on the eighth anniversary of that horrible Tuesday morning.
After attempting to compose myself, and realizing that this was the one day that I decided to wear regular mascara, as opposed to the waterproof that usually coats my lashes, I wandered around for a while longer. On the opposite side of the street that the plaque was on, there was a giant poster that had the name of every person who had been killed written on it. People were able to write on it, so I spent quite a while reading the different tributes and messages that people had left. One fireman walked up to the wall with a friend and pointed to a picture of a beautiful young woman, told this man that she was his daughter, and explained to him her story. It was so heart-rending! Just as I was about to leave, two things happened: First, I caught sight of the previously mentioned attractive fireman named Burns, so I casually ventured over to where he was. As I was venturing, I noticed a bunch of men with bagpipes start to congregate in the street and start warming up. Score! I had to stay for that, obviously. They warmed up for a good half-hour or so, and I am so thankful that I stayed. They played a few songs, many of which I didn't recognize as anything in particular, but the follow two videos were just amazing to witness.

I wasn't able to get a video of this final ceremonial event, but after the men played, they all broke out into this pub-like chant, apparently titled "The Wild Rover (No Nay Never)" which then made me cry happy tears, just in admiration at the camaraderie that these men share. As they were singing, a few older firemen came up alongside, drinking beer, singing along, and they threw their arms over my shoulders and forced me to kind of sway along to the music. After the song was over, all twenty or so of them wanted to get their picture taken, so I became the official photographer for one of the Harlem firestations. Yes please! After taking a couple of their pictures, it was necessary that I get in the pictures too, apparently, so there are a couple with me in middle of them. We all introduced ourselves, chatted for a while, and they LOVED me! I'm not saying that in an arrogant way either, I'm serious. To every person who walked up, they'd yell, "HEY! Did you meet Ashley yet? She's Irish! She's new to New York!" They were all so friendly and nice, and they were appalled that I was down there alone. "You are NOT spending September 11 on your own. You're coming with us!" they said to me, so before I knew it, I was walking arm in arm with another very cute fireman named Noah, directly into a "pissing rain" on our way to catch a cab to go bar-hopping in Alphabet City, Little Italy, and Chinatown. So there I was, laying across the laps of three huge New York firefighters in the back of a cab, exchanging "Where were you when the Towers were hit?" stories.. It was unreal. Their stories were like something you would expect to read in a memoir, and it completely overwhelmed me to be in the company of these brave, noble men who were literally right there when everything happened. We ended up at some random tenement in Chinatown first, and as these guys were guiding me up this sketchy staircase, I wondered if my attempt at being spontaneous had backfired, and I was about to be murdered; however, as we walked through the front door of this apartment, my brief worries completely disappeared. Here we were in the home of these two people who throw a private party every year for any and all firefighters and their friends. Let me tell you, this was a complete insider, invitation only, private party. SO AWESOME! We all just hung out, swapped stories, drank, played pool, ate food... It was unbelievable. I still can't believe it happened. I ended up chatting with a couple of Navy boys for a while, all of whom were Southern, 22 years old, married, with children already. One of them told me that it was his dream to come to New York and recreate the classic Times Square kiss from World War Two, so I gladly volunteered to fulfill that wish :) Why not, right? I ended up getting home around 2 AM, pinching myself the entire way to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I still cannot believe I spent September 11 with hundreds of New York firefighters.. That's a dream come true, not just for me but for anyone, I would imagine! It was amazing.

first week

2009-09-11T13:19:00.004-04:00

after completing my first week at nyu, this is what i've gathered:

-my inquiries into teaching and learning professor insists we call him frank, and it's mandatory that we all have a Facebook.
-there is a self-hired crossing guard at the intersection of washington place and washington square east. this man, who probably clocks in at a whopping 4'10" tall, stands on the sidewalk and yells, "watch it!" "oop!" "careful now!" "hold it!" to the pedestrians whenever he sees a car coming down washington square east.
-people are very, very fashionable.
-my indigenous australia professor clears his throat every 10-15 seconds by making a single, harsh grunting noise (although thursday's lecture wasn't so disruptive)
-*PREDICTION: this previously mentioned indigenous australia class is going to be the end of me.
-as of yet, i have no friends. i don't say this to pity myself, or to receive sympathy, just as a simple documentation of my hopeful progress in this area. (i must say, though, that i really do miss living with my best friends. i realize now that it was like a two-for-one deal, and i was very lucky. i find myself envious of those who live in the dorms, with many potential friends right at their fingertips. They don't even know how lucky they are!)
-i love that there is always a band or musician playing in washington square park.
-a squirrel leapt up onto my shoulder the other morning, and the maintenance man who saw it happen only shrugged and said, "hey, he's gotta eat too!" apparently new york squirrels are vicious.

...more to come...

for good.

2009-09-06T20:47:00.007-04:00

Although I have never been religious or believed in a particular Higher Power, I have always believed in destiny and fate. It is phenomenal to observe the way life plays out, who we meet, where we end up going, and what we end up doing. People come into our lives, and we are presented with circumstances that appear to be nothing short of miraculous. Events occur that are very often unexplainable, and it brings up a single question: Why? Why was I given the chance to do this? Why did I encounter this person? Why didn't I end up in, let's say, Los Angeles and not New York and Boston? I like to tell myself that we're never in the wrong place, with the wrong people, or doing the wrong thing, because in one way or another, the adventures and situations that we immerse ourselves in are serving a purpose in the greater picture of our lives. Sometimes the situations are challenging, the people are difficult, and the places are lonely, but in the long run, it are these challenges and these miracles that complete our destinies. When I was in high school, I would often sing a duet with my best friend, and the lyrics match this idea perfectly: "I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are lead to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return..."

Who we encounter and why we encounter them is fascinating in itself. Allow me to give you an example:

As I was riding down the bike path, a scruffy looking young man pulled up alongside me and asked me for directions to the library. We chatted for a little while, and soon enough I found out that he was a British recent college graduate, just finishing a cross-country bike ride. He found himself on the West Coast three weeks ahead of schedule, so he didn't research the housing options he had out here very well. Unfortunately for him, there is no camping in Sonoma, so I was suggesting he ride up into the hills and find a small plot of land to pitch his tent for the evening; however, just as I was making this suggestion, my dad rode up on his bike. The three of us chatted for a bit, when my dad offered for the young British boy to stay at our house. My dad had gone on a cross-country bike ride when he was in his twenties, and he has been waiting twenty-something years to return all of the favors that he was given. On top of it all, it was a Tuesday, which means Farmer's Market was happening later that evening, which means that it was the most perfect day to be in Sonoma.

Ben, the British boy, rode home with me, showered, pitched his little tent in the backyard, and ventured down to Farmer's Market with us, where he was able to really experience and observe the perfect evening in the small Wine Country town. Here is where I began to wonder why.. Why, out of all of the people in this small town, was I the person this boy decided to ask for information? I don't want to praise myself or anything, but he couldn't have found a more perfect person to ask; I grew up in town, so I know pretty much everything about it, my dad is an avid cyclist, so as far as chatting with someone who knows what you've been going through and experiencing, he couldn't have found a more perfect family. I just thought it was so amazing that I had been back in Sonoma for a mere sixteen or so hours and was immediately faced with this unfamiliar, interesting person. What about me gave him the idea that I would have been able to give him the information that he needed? As far as he was concerned, I could have been a random tourist who had rented a cute little bike for cruising around town. And for Ben's sake alone, why did he decide to come to Sonoma on a Tuesday? What if he had showed up the day before and missed out on such a lovely, hometown evening? I'm sure his life would have gone along flawlessly had he not come into town on a Tuesday evening, but it was an evening that wouldn't have otherwise been a part of the bigger story of his trip.

Last Winter, I became quite fascinated with Chris McCandless, aka Alexander Supertramp, aka the young man who gave away everything he owned, hitch-hiked around the US for a good two years, working his way up to Alaska, where he ended up dying in a small bus in the Alaskan wilderness. The book "Into the Wild" was written about his story back in the mid-90's, and ten years later, Sean Penn directed a movie about this young man. Ben vaguely reminded me of Chris McCandless, in the way that he interacted with our family. He was educated, beyond polite, lived very minimally, and was very vague about his own life. After reading about the different ways that both Chris McCandless and the people he had encountered were influenced by his travels, it made me feel honored to be able to be a part of this Chris McCandless-like experience. I would like to think that this twelve hour encounter somehow boosted our karma points, although dwelling on it may oppose the idea of a selfless good deed... Hmm... Either way, I hope Ben's travels end up being fantastic, and I hope that he never forgets us!

....

My trip home was delightful. It was a fairly non-stop trip, but I felt very relaxed the whole time, which I really love. Monday night, after my dad picked me up at the airport, we met my mom and Claire at Yu Shang for a delicious sushi dinner. Tuesday I went to visit Bethany, saw some friends, and had the Ben encounter (Bencounter?) Anyway, of course I saw every person I have ever met in my lifetime at Farmer's Market that night, which was fun, especially after spending the entire month of August alone. Wednesday and Thursday kind of blur together, but I know they must have consisted of a lot of bike riding, big hugs, and catching up with old friends. Sierra and I went to the beach all day on Friday and just talked and talked and talked, so much so that it was suddenly four o'clock and both of us were burnt to an absolute crisp (something neither of us fully realized until we were back in Sonoma. Ouch!) We had a really nice dinner at the Red Grape, and I swear to god we never stopped talking. It was so nice! That night, a big group of us went to a fun hookah bar on Haight Street, ate food, chatted... I'd never been to a hookah bar before and had only smoked from a hookah one time, but I had an absolute blast!

*Quick note: We're flying over Utah right now, and The Great Salt Lake is deep red in color, much like rust, with a white shoreline. How bizarre! I wonder if it looks like that when you're standing in front of it, not just from a bird's eye view...

Claire's birthday was on Saturday, so we spent all day in the city. We had a huge Dim Sum lunch in the Sunset District, and afterwards, my mom, Claire, and I went shopping at the Stonestown Mall. Oh, the thrill of new undergarments :) It was lovely being able to have some Anderson girl time, although Erika wasn't able to make it up there. (WE MISSED YOU SISTER! We understand though, you're a busy woman!) After we got home, Claire went out with some of her friends, so I packed and did some laundry before dad and I had a nice pasta dinner. I drove around, said my goodbyes to everyone, and woke up this morning at four AM to get to Oakland by six! My mom and I were hoping to have breakfast with a friend, but it didn't work out. But now, here I am, 36,000 feet in the air, about to actually begin my life in New York City. When the man at the ticket counter asked where I was going, I accidentally told him that I was going to Boston, so I had to correct myself. It's still going to take some getting used to, apparently.

2009-08-30T21:42:00.005-04:00

I've finished most of my packing, and in the morning I will be heading for Kennedy Airport, and then home for the week! I have been giddy all week anticipating this trip. I am thrilled for big momma hugs, sister cuddling, tear-filled laughter with my dad, best friend chatting, riding my bike, Farmer's Market, enjoying the sun, and relaxing. I start classes the Tuesday after I get back to New York, with only one day to get all of my things situated, so some relaxation is definitely something I plan on experiencing to its fullest.

Now that I'm so close to seeing my family, and that I know I probably won't get to see my Grandma, I decided to browse her adorable website for some reminiscing (you can too! just use this link: http://conniebutlersculptures.com/ ) She is such an amazing artist. I have seen her work around our house, her house, in Christmas cards, cards she'll send randomly just to say hi, my entire life, and I am angry at myself for shrugging it off, as if it was "just something Grandma threw together once." As I look at her work now, removed from it from quite some time now, I cannot help but be in awe of her. What I find most impressive and admirable is her method of creating a piece of art. I quote from her website, "For me, the process of creation is the concentration of my attention on wood, stone, or clay. When I first began, I trembled with respect and honor for the material. Now, I wait until a conversation between my mind and the material begins. It is a dialogue." One of my favorites of her pieces (other than the man-fountain) is a relatively small wooden sculpture of a pregnant woman; I recall her explaining to me how she decided to carve such a woman, showing me the different knots and circles of the wood, so perfectly positioned for the big belly and the two breasts. Brilliant, right?! As a little girl, I remember being embarrassed to look at that sculpture, wondering why she would want to carve a "naked woman", but once she explained it to me when I was older, I saw that smooth pregnant woman as elegant, powerful and spiritual. Despite growing up with such an artist, I really do not know much about the process of wood sculptures and how they are created, but I think it is wonderful that my Grandma carves what the wood wants to be carved as, not what she believes her next project should be. She is simply lovely!

SO EXCITED!

2009-08-23T16:37:00.003-04:00

There's something about the anticipation of home and coziness and family and friends and big hugs that makes the heart flutter.

Furthermore, he never ceases to amaze me. LOVE this guy :)

woebegone.

2009-08-20T16:13:00.004-04:00

I have read two books, watched seven movies, and walked countless blocks in the past two weeks, alone mind you, and now all I want is some company. I'm sick of this!

I realized last night that while independence is wonderful and quite necessary, it is much different than being lonely. Independence is within us, a trait if you will. Loneliness is a condition, usually temporary, and it is a burden on our esteem, mood, and being. Going out all day and knowing that the home I am about to return to is empty hits a very sad chord in my body. Perhaps if school had started already and I had company throughout the day, this wouldn't be so bad, but I really don't like it. It's heartwarming to be able to walk through the front door, anticipating a smiling face, having a intelligent conversation, sharing dinner with someone, and just enjoying someone else's company. Having another presence in the home is unbelievably comforting, something I would have never known had these past few weeks not occurred.

Perhaps this has been a learning experience for me, but I forevermore take back every conversation I had where I mentioned that I would love to live alone someday. I didn't know what I was talking about!

Love you and miss you all. Gimme a call if you read this.. I would love to talk :)

why i love new york, parts two and three and four.

2009-08-15T12:47:00.003-04:00

the second reason i love new york is because the subway runs 'round the clock. PLUS, i can take five different trains home - not just one! so when i got home around 1:30 AM after a fabulous dinner in little italy the other night, i didn't have to worry about not being able to get back to brooklyn, or cutting the night short because i had to make the last train. SO cool.

the third reason i love new york is because of all of the lights. this city is so alive.. i walked through times square the other evening well after midnight, and from my streetview, it could have been seven o'clock in the evening, it was so bright! not only that, but there were still bunches and bunches of people walking around, dodging and weaving through the crowd. "the city that never sleeps..."

the fourth reason i love new york is because of its majesty. from the countless number of songs written about this glorious city, to the dreams of young stage actors singing on broadway, to the hopes of the fashionistas wishing to have their clothing showcased at fashion week, to the tourists who cannot wait to catch a glimpse of the statue of liberty, walk on ellis island, catch a show or a game at madison square garden, mosey through central park, or to the young romantics hoping to fall in love... this city holds so much potential and possibility.

why i love new york, part one.

2009-08-14T09:50:00.000-04:00

The first reason why I love new york is because of its layout. What are you talking about, ashley? you ask? It's simple! I love that new york is built on a grid system and that the streets are numbered. This trait seems obvious and unimportant, but believe me, numbers are phenomenal. Between Boston and San Francisco, both of which are incredible cities too, the street names give no sense of direction or position unless a person has previous knowledge of the city and its layout. Numbers, on the other hand, make it simple for everyone!

For instance, if you're in manhattan and you find yourself on the corner of 27th and 5th yet you're supposed to be at 14th and 6th, you know immediately that you're 13 blocks up and 1 block over from where you need to be; however, if you're in boston on the corner of newbury and mass ave, yet you're supposed to be on boylston and mass ave, how are you supposed to know which direction to head in order to be where you need to be? You may not know that the two streets are just a block away from each other, and the panic attack you experience while believing you are lost in boston is entirely unnecessary.

(I may not be very good at math, but I've always loved numbers, looked for patterns and relationships between them.. Nerd alert, I know, but I can't help it!) It's so easy to navigate and nearly impossible to get lost here. For someone who's brand new to such a big place, not once have I walked down the streets of manhattan and felt invisible or overwhelmed by the city's enormity. New York just makes sense!

you and me together could do anything...

2009-08-12T10:06:00.012-04:00

I believe it's time for an update! it's been, what, two weeks? SO much has happened, I don't know if I'll be able to remember everything!

For starters, we're all settled into our new apartment! By we're, I mean Isamu (my new roommate) and I, but really it's just me here until the end of the month. It was quite the headache and panic attack to get this place, lemme tell you.. The realtor ended up being heinous, we thought for a moment that we were dealing with Middle Eastern religious affairs and scam artists, our rent was raised last minute.. It doesn't sound that bad, but I definitely sobbed in CitiBank trying to cancel payment on my $2,100 worth of checks. It was bad. But Isamu and his mom came, dealt with the demon realtor, and now here I am :) I'm actually quite proud of myself for how this apartment has come together. It's pretty small, so there isn't much space to furnish, but it has some definite potential. We haven't put together a living room yet, but that will come eventually. Slowly but surely!

Jennelle, AJ, and Dan planned on meeting up with this random stranger they met one night at Jillian's the Saturday after I moved in, and this stranger was in Baltimore, so they swung by here on their way. I was so glad someone was able to see it, despite it being unfurnished and messy. On August 2nd, I met Erika at Kennedy Airport, and she stayed with me for almost an entire week! I've been bugging her to come visit me for two years, and she finally came. She always said that she wanted to gogogo, non-stop fun and adventuring, and I'm glad to say that we did just that. Her first night here we stayed close to home and relaxed, because Monday we were out of the house for a good 14 hours! We got a one-day pass for the subway and adventured our way all over Manhattan. Wall Street, World Trade Center, Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island (just the view, not the tour), Carnegie Deli pastrami sandwiches, lunch in Central Park, shopping on Fifth Avenue, a run-in with two girls we went to high school with (SO cool!), Grand Central Station, and then dinner and a movie in Bryant Park! It was amazingly gorgeous weather too, thank god. (Erika never got a chance to feel the disgusting humidity or summer thunderstorms :( ) The journey home was especially funny.. Erika had to pee so badly that she wasn't even speaking to me. I made some sort of joke on the subway, and she looked at me and said, with a completely serious tone, "Ashley, seriously, I'm fucking pissed," to which I replied, "No pun intended..." and we almost lost it. Thankfully there was no wetting of the shorts, or peeing on my stairs, both of which were threatened. What a fun day :)

Tuesday morning, we left the house at 7 AM to catch the bus to Boston, where we connected to a train to Providence, and then caught another bus to Newport to visit Gordon and Joan. It was so nice! We didn't get to Newport until 4:30, so that was a long day of traveling, but it is always great to see them. After a beautiful walk by the shore, we spent the evening at their house, drinking wine, eating a wonderful dinner, and catching up on our lives. Erika hadn't seen them in... six years, was it? Wednesday, Erika, Gordon, and I spent the afternoon on the boat. The last time I sailed, I got seasick, so I spent the entire day on the bow while Erika and Gordon chatted. I know I hadn't seen them in a while either, but I thought it would be nice for just the two of them to be able to talk for a while. When we got home, Greg came over for a visit, and over the course of the evening, my skin changed to a deep red so quickly, you could see it change. SO BAD! Anyway, we had a really nice dinner, just chatting and laughing, which I think was good for Greg. Ahh, that family is so fun.

We had to leave Newport around 10 AM to make it back to Boston in time for BLINK-182! We got to Jennelle and Kate's apartment around 1:30, got picked up by AJ and Lucas around 4, and headed off! I can't truly describe what seeing Blink-182 was like, but in short, it was breathtaking. They we one of the first bands that not only became popular when I was conscious of music, but I absolutely loved them. I actually bought "Enema of the State" when I was about eleven years old, and my dad made me return it because of the "Parental Advisory" sticker on the front, and the plethora of swear words, but my love for them (especially bassist Mark Hoppus) never faltered. It was so fun! So fun. Friday was spent wandering around Boston, from The Common, to Chinatown for Dim-Sum, the Public Gardens, Newbury Street, Copley Square, Fenway Park, Jillian's for some bowling, Quincy Market for lunch and street performers, the North End for Mike's Pastries, the Seaport for MJ O'Connor's, and finally Central Square for another concert! We didn't actually get to see who we wanted to perform, but it was fun nevertheless. Then we went back to Jennelle and Kate's, drank some Stella Artois, and went to bed! Erika had to go to the airport in the morning, so we were up bright and early again. I hated saying goodbye.. It was so nice to have my sister, my best friend out here with me and be able to see where I've been living my life for the past two years. It's one thing explaining and describing everything, but to be able to see it herself meant a lot to me. I know she said she had a great time, and I don't doubt that she did, but I really hope she is able to understand why I don't mind living here. I'm just so excited for her, I can't even stand it!

the tear-jerking video erika made :)

I stayed in Boston for an extra couple of days after Erika left, since I really didn't have too much of a deadline in New York and I really didn't want to leave my friends, but I'm back now. I went Bed Bath and Beyond crazy yesterday, bought a few little things for the apartment, got some groceries... I don't know how I'll be in a couple of weeks, starved of close personal interaction and familiarity, but for now I'm doing okay :) Music is always playing, so I always have some company. I realized yesterday that my fan has become a sort of pet to me too. He keeps me cool, sits and stares at me, follows me around the apartment (because I take him with me...) How insane do I sound?! Well, it really takes a lot of work to furnish a home. I'm just taking it day by day, scanning Craigslist for some deals, venturing off into the city to people-watch and see if I can find any knick-knacks and things. It's been fun! I can't wait until Isamu comes back though, so I can have some company here. Watching this apartment transform from a skeleton to a cozy home is something I wish I could share with somebody, especially since it's not just mine, you know? He's going to be able to see how much it's changed since he was last here, but it's not the same as witnessing the entire process. Oh well, it is what it is :)

memories in music.

2009-07-29T10:16:00.016-04:00

"How Bizarre" by OMC
When this mid-90's tune hits my ears, all I see is my mom's little white Toyota (again, hahah) driving down Arnold Drive through the SDC. It's usually either Spring or Fall in my memory, the air is fresh and temperate, and those incredible trees are either full of gorgeous green leaves, or the array of multicolored leaves have half fallen on the road. I am about seven or eight years old in my mind, wondering what "bizarre" means, and curious as to which parts of this song are actually bizarre. (It's funny to me that Erika hears this song and thinks of driving around with our babysitter.. I never made that association!)

"Right Moves" by Josh Ritter
Given this man is the one current artist that I never have and never will get tired of, it was difficult to choose one of his songs that stands out the most for me. This particular song is so uplifting, so exhilarating, mixing rock instruments, string instruments, horns, a simple melody, and an immense amount of enthusiasm. The line that follows the instrumental sings "I heard the night birds picking up their song, you threw your hair back and you sang along..." and I cannot hear that line without feeling giddy! The instrumental has such a strong build up, and by the time Josh comes back in, there is so much momentum and energy, it's difficult not to get excited. At his concert with the Boston Pops, I could have sworn that he smiled at me during that line too :)

"Playground Love" by Air
High school, mary jane, driving down Arnold Drive near Leveroni Road, my infatuation with a certain co-worker... This song has such a relaxing tone, it's difficult not to close your eyes and just sway to the beat. I know this was on the "Virgin Suicides" soundtrack, but sometimes I can picture this playing along to a sped-up film of a road.. a time lapse of sorts.. driving down a two-lane, foggy road, lined with redwood trees...

"Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
I saw their film "ONCE" just before I moved to Boston and absolutely fell in love with it and the soundtrack. When I first moved here, I was so full of excitement, newfound independence, and hope for love, and this song was especially prevalent in my life. The lyrics are simple yet relatable, and the harmony is one that can easily get the tears flowing. I picture myself sitting on the 77 up Mass Ave. in Arlington, staring at my cute bus driver, anticipating the chilly Northeastern air outside on my walk up to the house where I babysat, trying not to slip on the icy brick sidewalks.

"My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
Anyone who was a preteen when this song came out knows why it made my memory list. I think I speak for every girl when I say that Jack Dawson was our first love, and I don't think any further explanation is necessary.

"Ladies and Gentlemen" by Saliva
Knowing me, this song is quite out of character, but allow me to explain. Jennelle moved into our apartment in September, and that fall, this song was part of some video game commercial that played every so often, and I loved it! I thought it was stupid to like a song that was part of a video game, so I never said anything. I was so intimidated by Jennelle's love of Metallica, System of a Down, and WBCN, her accent, and her humor, and I was convinced that I was too much of a goody-goody to be friends with someone so "hardcore" (I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but I'm serious!) Anyway, the video game commercial came on, and I quietly said, "I know this is lame, but I really like this song," and Jennelle was like, "Me too! I didn't want to say anything though!" "OMG me either!" I probably responded, and from then on, I was no longer intimidated by Jennelle. The cool girl and I had something in common, and I was set!

"Sensitive" by Jewel
This song radiates everything that is my incredible twin sister. As an innocent first grader, Erika heard this song and decided it was her favorite. Her distinctive round handwriting is in the front of our Dunbar yearbook, establishing this as her favorite song and Anabelle as her best friend. Listening to it now, I cannot help but cry. Erika has always been so wise beyond her years, so thoughtful and so intelligent, and I don't think she's ever gotten enough credit for it. For a six year old to hear this song and relate to it is phenomenal, and I can guarantee you she knew the deep meanings of what Jewel had written... "You always tell me that it's impossible to be respected and be a girl" ... I can just hear that little girl declaring that she was not going to let that happen in her life. She has always had such a sure sense of herself, her life, her morals and goals, and I admire her more than words can express.

"Time After Time" by Ella Fitzgerald
I don't know if Ella was the first to sing this, but her version is definitely one of my favorites. This song was number six on my list of songs to record for my senior project, and I only ended up recording five. Before I die, I am promising myself that I'm going to perform this on some occasion, be it in a studio, in a club somewhere (with my new roommate?! haha), who knows. I have a plan for this song too, but I don't want to write it anywhere and spoil the surprise, but hopefully within the next five or so years, my plan can be put into action! Such a beautiful love song.

"Marry You" by Eric Clapton and BB King
When this album came out, my uncle bought it for every single person he knew, trying to spread the glory that is the two of these great musicians collaborating. This was roughly around the time that my uncle and Phyllis had fallen in love, and I know that he probably thinks of her when he hears this song. It's a great song as it is, but knowing that it was the anthem of two incredible people falling in love with one another makes it all the more beautiful to me.

"Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison
One of the greatest songs of all time, hands down. I don't know if Hunter and I ever declared this as our song, but I will always think of him when I hear it. The soft guitar in the beginning, the simple verses, and the climactic chorus makes the heart beat much stronger.

"Pride and Joy" by Stevie Ray Vaughan
All I see is Highway 37, just past Sears Point, windows down, summertime, SRV blasting over the speakers, my dad playing seatbelt guitar like it's his job. He's so good! If I was driving, he'd have to listen to some Jimi (since Jimi was a lefty), but otherwise it was all about Stevie Ray Vaughan. Oh my god, I'm cracking up.. My dad is so cool! I can just see him biting his lower lip, squinting his eyes, and rocking out on his seatbelt with such devotion and power, you'd think he was a rockstar in his past life. Maybe he's where I get my musical talent! We'd take these random trips down to Marin, either to go hiking, see my grandparents, discover some new independent bike store, or just to go on an adventure for no reason.

"Feel it Now" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
"I'm on my own I'm sure I'll know it now, I'm on my own I'm sure I'll feel it now..." was the line I listened to over and over again in my homesickness. The song is comprised of a simple piano melody and a hauntingly beautiful harmony. A guitar comes in halfway through the song, but other than that, it is simple and enchanting.

"Somewhere Over The Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
Where do I even begin my admiration for this rendition?! Not only is his voice one of the most soothing voices that has ever graced my ears, he combined two of the most amazing songs into such a emotion medley. It does bother me that the lyrics of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" are not exactly what Judy Garland had originally sung, but I digress. "What a Wonderful World" was my Granny's favorite song, and while I will always cry at Louis' version, the second Israel starts singing, I cannot help but get a little weepy.

"The Way" by Fastball
I hope my mom remembers this moment, because it was what made me terrified of singing in public throughout my childhood. Let me tell a quick story before I explain the memory: When I was a little girl, I went through a phase where I wasn't that big of a fan of school, so I would pretend to be sick just to be able to stay home all day and watch music videos on VH1. All of the cool music played on MTV, but I preferred VH1 for some reason. Anyway, during this time, I was introduced to this band, Fastball. "The Way" was their new song, the music video was adventurous and cool, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to hear it whenever I wanted. Anyway, we were at Tower Records one day, and I went straight for the personal listening station, put on the headphones, and turned on this song as loud as I could. I was ecstatic, singing, dancing in place.. I looked over at my mom to share my thrill with someone, only to be greeted with the stares of every person in the store. My mom came running over, mortified, to let me know that I had been singing loudly off-key, and everyone in the store had heard me. SO embarrassing, right?! Ugh, I was humiliated. Thank god I was a kid so I could get away with it, but to this day, I will never forget standing in Tower, wearing my cream colored dress with purple flowers and my Tevas, rocking out to this song.

"Mardi Gras Fever" by Gatorbeat
You cannot grow up in Sonoma without being a fan of Gatorbeat. Every one of their songs has the ability to make even the shyest person get up and dance (me, for instance), but this song is what I think of when I think of them. We would travel around Northern California going to crawdad festivals, oceanside shows, hanging out with Richie's kids, dancing with beads around our necks, friendship necklaces, and being carefree hippy kids. The Domingue family is so loving and so incredibly optimistic, and I feel so honored to be able to know them personally. Gatorbeat's music epitomizes my childhood, and I LOVE IT!

"Nessun Dorma" by Luciano Pavarotti
There is no other way to play this song other than loudly and surrounded by the sound from all angles. It is such a passionate, climactic song, guaranteed to get the tears flowing if the timing is right and the emotions are vulnerable. Manowar did a rendition of this song (my knowledge of this is what got the head chef at my restaurant to think I was cool!) I personally do not think that anyone can top Pavarotti. He made this song as epic and definitive as could have been possible. Amazing!

"The Sea" by Morcheeba
I love my mom so much. My whole life, she has stressed the importance of the ocean in our life, taught us to trust how sacred it is, how to care about it as a way of healing, therapy, and stress reducer. We would hop in The Van, boogie boards in the back, surf board tied to the top of the car (stopping every fifteen minutes to try to get rid of the whistling the straps had created.. SO FUNNY!) We would make our way to Doran, Salmon Creek, or Bolinas, our little picnic basket filled with chips, salsa, homemade chicken salad, and a various piece of fruit. There is one stretch of road that winds its way through the hills right before the beaches appear, and that's what I think of when I hear this song.. I can picture our van cruising down the mountains, S-curving every which way, until finally the ocean became visible over the horizon.

"Fix Up, Look Sharp" by Dizzee Rascal
While we were working on Pippin, there was an orgy scene that we had to rewrite in order to make the show PG, and Cat had the brilliant idea of having a dance off instead. In order to inspire us and show us what she had in mind, we spent one rehearsal watching "RiZe", a documentary about the dance style "krumping" and its history in LA. This song was one of the main songs they danced to, so as a warm up, we would play this, stand in a circle, and just dance. We had to close our eyes and just let the music and the beat take ahold of our bodies and just let go. Every person had to go in the middle of the circle and dance by themselves, and I credit my ability to dance in public to this process. I still have very little rhythm, but this song always makes me want to dance.

"Take Five" by The Dave Brubeck Quartet
What an incredible piece of music, huh? Sometimes it reminds me of the old Chips Ahoy commercials, other times it reminds me of "Pleasantville", but mostly I think of Bethany and I going on adventures. We made a CD of all of the fantastic driving songs we could think of, and this was number one. The strongest memory I have with this song is that unbelievably long tunnel in Sausalito, heading out towards that old fort and Rodeo Beach.. do you know the one? It goes through the mountain?

"She's Only Happy In The Sun" by Ben Harper
I listened to this song over and over again while Erika, Grandma, and I were in Bermuda. At that point, Erika had an iPod and I didn't, so when she wasn't looking or around, I would steal it and just play this song. I was beginning to enter a pretty difficult time in my life, personally, and Ben Harper's voice was more than soothing. Being in Bermuda, I thought this to be especially appropriate, and once I was back in Sonoma, in the middle of my difficult time, I would listen to this and remember how amazing it felt to be laying in the warm sunshine, stretched out on that floating dock in the middle of that warm water, watching the planes take off and land... It still makes me a little sad to listen to it, knowing it was the anthem of my upset, lonely fifteen-year-old self.

"Layla (unplugged)" by Eric Clapton
Before I could even read very well, I distinctly remember being in love with "number seven on the CD with the man wearing glasses playing the guitar on the cover." I remember sitting in the Baldry's cottage, finding this CD, and telling Rashell that she needed to hear number 7, and she would love it. Once I found out the name of the song, I told myself that I would name my daughter Layla as a tribute to my first favorite song. It's such beautiful rendition. I love when fast, loud songs are remade to be serene and beautiful, and Eric Clapton did a phenomenal job of doing so.

"Rocky Raccoon" by The Beatles
I cannot help but think of my dad when I hear this song. I don't know when exactly he had first informed us of the classic line: "Her name was McGill, and she called herself Lil, but everyone knew her as Nancy" but he always comes to my mind when it plays. There was one trip we went on to Yosemite, and I can't remember if we had played this song, but we talked about it the entire time. We were at a gift shop where they were selling little raccoon stuffed animals holding acorns, and all three of us insisted on having one. I think Claire claimed the name "Rocky" first, but we all ended up naming our raccoons Rocky. We hopped back into Granny and Grandpa's van, drove back to Sonoma, where we met them at Ranch House, and showed them our newest friends. I loved going on adventures with my Dad.

"Red House" by Jimi Hendrix
The first time I met Hunter was when some of the ETC kids had gone to Mary's Pizza Shack for dinner, and I was elected to drive someone. After dinner, the red-headed kid got to ride with me in my dad's truck, and when I turned on the car, this song came blaring over the speakers. We had all been chatting and laughing over dinner, so we were only acquaintances. As we pulled onto Highway 12 and Hunter rolled down his window and screamed "I LOVE THIS GIRL! I LOVE THIS GIRL!" to the pedestrians, you can bet I was more than mortified. Who was this kid? I love that memory.

"She's A Rainbow" by The Rolling Stones
Erika got to fly alone before me, and I was so jealous that she even had her own traveling music routine down. She told me that it was necessary that every time she landed and walked towards baggage claim, she would play this song on her iPod as she walked. She said it was nice to play something uplifting and familiar as her homecoming theme, and to this day, I do the same thing, in her honor I suppose. I travel by myself more often than she does now, but I always have this song playing as soon as I step off the plane.

"Idaho" by Josh Ritter
I know I already have a Josh Ritter song in this compilation, but being my favorite, he needs two songs. "Idaho" is the epitome of a peaceful, soulful tribute to one's home. Josh Ritter grew up in the small town of Moscow, immersed in the land, surrounded by peace and quiet. Listening to this song conveys his life in Idaho so precisely, I assume. He's an incredible song writer and musician who doesn't have to try hard to captivate his audience. I dragged Jennelle and Heather to his concert with the Pops, and although they were not huge fans, Jennelle asked me afterwards to play "the song about him singing with wolves or something," and for a while, she would only have to say, "Hey, could you play the song?" and I'd know what she was referring to. He's addicting!

"Winter Song" by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles
This song sounds like it's about love, but I interpret it as one about friendship. These two young women are astounding musicians, and they came together to write this adorable, serene song. It makes me think about my best friendships (Jennelle, Sierra, and Bethany), missing my sisters around the holidays, my family... I just think it's the sweetest tune, and it encompasses this past winter so strongly. This was another song that Jennelle would ask, "Could you play the song?" or "You thinking what I'm thinking?" and I'd just know that this song needed to be played.

"In My Place" by Coldplay
I fell in love the summer of 2005 when my dad, Erika, and I went to France to watch the Tour. We stayed in the French Alps, Alp d'Huez to be precise, with an Arizona-based cycling group. One of the leaders of the group was a French Canadian former rower named Pierrick, and it was love at first sight. Of course he was much too old for my brace-face, sixteen-year-old self, and he was newly happily married, but he was everything I knew I wanted in a man. I guess it was reassuring for me to see that amazing, kind, funny men DO exist, and he set the bar pretty high for my idea of a perfect companion. I was so smitten, it was painful! One afternoon while the guys were out riding, Erika and I rode around in the van with him, handing out water bottles and energy bars to struggling riders we saw along the way. Erika went off somewhere to take pictures, and Pierrick asked me if I liked Coldplay. I didn't really listen to them much at the time, but I was very enthusiastic with my "Yes!" in hopes of him falling in love with me too. In response to my answer, he began singing "In My Place", and I was done for. My heart was racing so quickly, I could hardly breathe! Naturally, this became my all-time favorite song after that, and when we left the Alps and headed towards Paris, I would listen to this constantly and sob. My heart ached so badly for love that summer, and what better place could I have found to test the potential of my young, untarnished love?

"Walking on Broken Glass" by Annie Lennox
Annie Lennox's voice is one of the best I've ever heard. As a kid, I wanted to be her so badly. I would listen to "Would I Lie To You?" and pretend like I was walking out on stage, "Keep Young and Beautiful" to practice my British accent, "Why" if I needed to get some tears out, and "Walking on Broken Glass" to work on my vocals. It sounds normal, but imagine a seven year old girl standing in the living room belting out Annie Lennox tunes. So cute! Anyway, despite my own history with this song, it will forever remind me of my amazing little sister. New Years Eve 1999/2000 (the Millennium), my parents had a big party with all of their friends. They had the idea of creating a mix tape of all of everyone's favorite songs from the last century, and each person had to choose a song and explain why they chose that particular song. My sisters and I were able to chose one song each, and Claire chose this one. She was eight years old at the time, although I remember her being much younger. Her reasoning was something along the lines of, "I chose this song because I really like walking on broken glass..." It was obvious that she was trying to be meaningful and insightful like the adults, but the way she worded it made her sound like she liked inflicting pain on herself. I think it was Joanie who pointed out the hilarity of what she had written, and Claire was so embarrassed! No one has ever let her live it down. It's just so precious, I can't even stand it.

...

2009-07-27T08:58:00.001-04:00

Just a quick update! I know Grandma is aching to know I'm alive :) As we speak, I am on my fourth bus ride to new york to figure out an apartment situation. Lemme tell ya something: I am so sick of making this trip, I can't even begin to explain! This particular trip sucks the worst, considering I woke up at 445 to get here, the bus is full, the AC isn't working, and the man behind me not only hasn't showered in five months (evident by his stench and massive amount of upper arm hair.. Ha ha) his snore sounds like he's gurgling water! Its awful. This should be the last time I'm doing this until I move, which is actually on Friday! Whoa.

I found an old journal attempt of mine that I started right after high school. The first entry I read on July 24, and I had written, Today is July 24, which means I'm going to be in Boston in about three weeks... It was funny and strange to read about my hopes, dreams, and wishes of Boston from before I had even begun living here. I repeatedly wrote that I hoped to fall in love, gain confidence, and "live life with no restraints." It made me wonder if I had accomplished them, or achieved any of the goals I had set for myself. Granted I wasn't here as long as I had previously planned. I didn't find my soul mate, but I sure as hell gained confidence and lived life a bit more adventurously than I did in high school. I skinny dipped in the Atlantic Ocean at midnight, got my nose pierced, experienced St Patrick's Day in Southie, saw two Boston championship parades, went to a Red Sox playoff game (thanks dad!), gained a fantastic best friend and subsequent second family, traveled, made some mistakes (but no regrets!), saw betrayal and heartbreak and laughter and joy, loved my job, met up with some old friends, experienced a horrendous winter, and learned about a life that I had not known before. I think my 18 year old naïve self would be satisfied with what I've done.

childhood

2009-07-14T19:44:00.002-04:00

As I sit on the bus home from apartment hunting in Brooklyn all day, a particular song came on my iPod that brought back a lovely memory...

It was a beautiful summer day (or was it spring?) Erika and I had been anticipating that moment for a while. [I cannot recall if it was gabrielle or emily who first introduced us to the reason for our excitement] As we walked out of the cool store and the hot California air hit our faces, we could not wait to get back into my mom's white Toyota. [I still remember that car, the way it had acquired the smell of sour milk, throw-up, and crayons throughout our childhood] The heat only strengthened the gag-inducing smell that day, but we did not care. Unwrapping the plastic was inevitably tedious. "Hurry up!" one of us probably yelled at the other. As my mom backed out of her parking spot at Maxwell Village and pressed the tape into the slot, we waited, anxious and excited for what we knew was coming. It didn't begin until we were hanging a left at the light onto Highway 12 [back in the days when the Breakaway Cafe was "Lyons".. remember?]. I can see Erika and myself in the backseat, our wonderful mother driving, most likely rolling her eyes at her giddy 9 year old twin girls, as that infamous laugh came blaring through the speakers. "Wannabe" became our anthem that summer [or spring], and to this day, I cannot hear that song without having the smile of that 9 year old girl, who had just received her first tape, stretch across my face.

cruisin'

2009-07-12T08:43:00.000-04:00

My life is consumed by working, a lack of sleep, and occasionally going out with friends after work. I love it! I'm having more fun this summer than I've had in a very long time. Very convenient that I'm leaving so soon.. Wahh!

The fourth of july was very fun. I had to work in the afternoon, but later in the day, jennelle and I met up with one of her high school friends to watch the fireworks. She had gotten there much earlier in the day and put down a blanket RIGHT on the charles river. It was beautiful! Naturally, Boston doesn't kid around with the celebration of America's birth, so there was music, lots of food, lots of alcohol, lots of people, lots of laughter, and the most incredible fireworks display I've ever seen. The Boston Pops played, followed by a jet fly-over, four songs by Neil Diamond, and the final fireworks show. It was completely choreographed to music that was played through speakers set up all down the Charles.. I know they're just fireworks, but it took my breath away. Celebrating America's birthday in America's birthplace? Yes, please.

The next day, we went up to Wilmington to Jennelle's house for a big cookout with her family, and then went into her little town to see their fireworks show. Not in the least bit comparable to the night before, but it was really nice to be in the small town scene again, where the whole town comes out to celebrate. Made me a little homesick.... Anyway, that whole day/night was so much fun, just swimming, drinking mojitos, eating, and relaxing.
On thursday night at work, my manager hired a musician to play after dinner, and I was bouncing around all night in anticipation. He ended up having an incredible voice, so I kept telling everyone that I wanted to sing a duet with him, even though I wasn't completely serious. I did ask my manager at one point to see if it was okay if I did, but his lack of enthusiasm was enough to convince me that it wasn't a good idea. About twenty minutes after I had asked him, he comes barging into the kitchen, angrily demanding I come out to the dining room with him. He seemed so angry that I assumed I had done something wrong, someone had complained, or something to that extent; I was wrong! He grabbed my hand, walked me straight up to the singer, and said, "Yeah, excuse me? She's going to sing with you next." The guy looked a bit taken aback but asked if I knew "cruisin'" (the version by huey lewis and gwyneth paltrow that is...) "I know that one!" I stated, and he replied, a bit surprised, "well, okay then. Um, let's go!" It went perfectly! The harmonies were beautiful, neither of us forgot the lyrics, and it was so unbelievably exhilerating, I cannot even begin to explain! From my perspective, the audience was fairly big, since people crowded around, but I'm not sure how many were actually there. Either way, I'm so glad Todd made me go up there. I left that night without saying goodbye to anyone (a complete accident, I swear!) and I guess the guy wanted me to sing the last song, and I was nowhere to be found! Oops. Thanks for letting me sing with you, rocker man. It made my day/week/month.

Now, Jennelle and I are sitting on a bus to New York to go apartment hunting! I'm going to panic if I come up empty-handed. Less than three weeks until I have to leave, and as of right now, I'm homeless! Yikes. Wish me luck!!

a brief photo montage of the last two days in NY

2009-06-26T23:35:00.013-04:00

"don't walk" sign from the east village

top of the empire state building

the guggenheim

upper west side, as seen from the jackie o reservoir

cute little turtle (one of three we saw swimming around the shoreline!)

the dakota...

imagine mosaic, the day after the death of MJ and farrah.. simple and powerful :(

MJ montage in times square

"i'll be there" in the 42 st subway

beautiful skies on the drive home through connecticut

back in boston, result of flip flop being consumed by the escalator.

quick!

2009-06-25T18:01:00.002-04:00

orientation was this morning! i nearly burst into tears on a number of occasions (not totally unlike me, but a tad embarrassing) but all in all, it was a great day. i have one chance this coming spring semester to study abroad, if i so desire, and then it's student teaching for the next two years.. as far as this semester goes, i've got 8 AM classes every day, until 4 PM or so, and no class on fridays! so nice. I want to try to get into a tutoring program for fridays though, to teach little ones how to read and whatnot.. a little preparation for my impending career :) so exciting!

what a nerd, huh?

"i couldn't help but wonder..."

2009-06-22T15:37:00.001-04:00

As I sit here waiting for the bus to work, I feel like writing down some thoughts I've been having lately. (If this post turns out looking funny, visually, please pardon me.. I've never posted via Blackberry before!)

In the past week, since I've been back in Boston from my lovely visit home, I've gotten quite nervous about this whole New York thing. The only time I've moved anywhere was from Sonoma, I was young, adventurous, and curious. I wanted to get out, leave, and it didn't really matter where I went, just so long as I was no longer in the same place I had always known. These emotions that are drawing me to New York City are completely different; this time, I want to go, emphasis on "go." This decision, academically and professionally, is the most important of my life so far, and I know it's the right one. At first I was worried that I was leaving Boston too soon, that I was only leaving because other people wanted me to. But then it hit me: this time, it's not about leaving but going.

When this thought first occurred to me, I thought I was thinking myself in circles, but my dad gave me the exact advice that I had thought of. Earlier in the week, I had dinner with my Uncle Tod, and while talking with him about my apprehension, I mentioned the word "comfortable" in regards to my life in Boston. At this, he quickly interrupted me, baffled, saying, "Ash, you're twenty years old! You're too young to be comfortable! Wait fifteen years and THEN see if you're ready to say that." While constant moving and adventuring is somewhat terrifying, I really valued his advice. Who am I to settle down at the young age of twenty, when I have a whole world of opportunities, cities, and people waiting to be seen?

Boston has been incredible to me. This first leap, flight if you will, has taught me that I am capable of succeeding on my own, and that in itself is something I value more than anything. I've learned so much about myself, this city, the passion the people here have for everything in their lives, and I've met some incredible people (and some not so incredible people too..) but that's another story in itself. Too infuriating.

It is definitely bittersweet, but, like I wrote in the previous post, this is another chapter in my life. I'm meeting my dad at the airport on Wednesday morning, and then the two of us are off to New York for the week(end)! Its getting exciting.

P.s. Happy Father's Day, dad :) all of these opportunities I've been blessed with and all of my dreams have been made into realities because of your endless support. Thank you so much for never doubting me. You truly are the greatest dad, and I truly am the luckiest daughter. I love you very very much :)

to old memories and new beginnings.

2009-06-17T23:37:00.007-04:00

it's been so long since i last posted, it's unbelievable! holy. my sincerest apologies, really. at first, my lack of writing was due to a lack of events, but after i went home this week, there was simply too much to write about!

making tacos with the family.. the result of erika cutting the onions for pico de gallo:

claire's knee surgery!

the city with wiggy and my grandma :)

the initial reason i went home this past weekend was to be with claire just before and after her gnarly knee surgery. i honestly cannot even begin to tell you how nice it was to spend so much time with her. the poor thing is bed-ridden, for the most part, and when she's helpless like that, she can be very sweet. a couple of days before i flew out, we had a thirty minute conversation, speaking only with british accents; because of this, while i was home, we frequently resorted to speaking that same way, and i'm sure jennelle now thinks we are insane. we are seriously the weirdest family! so funny though. the bandages on claire's knee were enormous; there were ACE bandages, followed by a white cushion of sorts, followed by a royal blue pad that circulated ice water around her knee cap, topped off by a brace that went from her upper thigh down to her ankle. The blue ice pad had a tube connected to it that attached to a cooler placed on the floor, and we ended up referring to the shorter part of this tube as her penis.. High on percocet, speaking in a soprano-pitched british accent, asking me to "please plug in her penis" was probably the most entertaining, hilarious thing i have ever heard and seen. as far as sister bonding went, though, i most definitely miss her already.

my only cousin wigg was in town too, with his girlfriend miranda, and it's impossible for me to explain how nice it is to have him back in my life. he was always around, so it's not the physical presence that i've missed, but the emotional and personal. he seems so excited about life, learning, family, love, everything, and i love seeing him with so much passion and drive for his life. i've missed him a lot. when we were really young, he was like the older brother i'd always wished for, yet adolesence, dr. dre, emmett smith, and ICP took him away from us. but now he's returned! woohoo!

i mentioned earlier that jennelle came to california with me, and it was so nice for me to have her get to meet all of my family, more than just in passing. the ciulla's have been truly like my second family here, so hospitable, so caring, making me feel like a complete part of their family. (jennelle just called, actually, and i swear i'm not writing this because i know you're going to read it! haha...) in all honesty, i hope that we showed her as much kindness as her family has shown me the last two years. i know we are so weird - claire giving herself a penis, our british accents, my dad trying to coax the cat into purring with him, erika blow-drying wax onto a canvas, my mom's incredible cooking (maybe not so weird...), and my grandma's goofy nicknames - and, given it was a small family reunion, all of our reminiscent stories must have been so boring, but it was a fun peek into our small, crazy family. i found this quote the other day, and it reminded me of jennelle:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones that you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain
that said, seriously, DO IT! you know what i'm talking about. :)

next week, my dad's flying out here, and we're hopping on a bus straight from the airport to manhattan for orientation! i saw cat and brady while i was home, and my talk with them made me realize how quickly time can pass, and how quickly it can sneak up on you. we started the play four years ago. FOUR. what? and now, in one month, i will be relocating to new york, simultaneously turning my life upside down. what? i found out i was moving to boston in february 2007 and i moved that august, so i had six whole months to prepare myself. this time, however, i have one measly month to prepare to leave somewhere i am actually quite fond of. i realized today that the comfort i feel here is the number one thing that should convince me to get out. i'm twenty years old! i shouldn't be comfortable! i should be out adventuring my horizons, seeing new places, meeting new people, expanding my knowledge. i think that boston has done incredible things for me, and i am so thankful/grateful for my experiences here. everyone i've met will not be forgotten, especially the dirty dozen. what a phenomenal place to gain my independence, huh? i must have been feeling a similar sense of fear before i made the trek across the country, but it's been so long, i've forgotten what it feels like. i don't know if i'm ready for this adventure quite yet, but i'm doing it, and it will be incredible. here's to a new chapter!

imagine.

2009-05-28T13:13:00.006-04:00

i don't know how to write about the last few days without it sounding like a chronological recap, but i'll make an attempt. monday morning, i caught the 7:30 AM bus to new york (with much mayhem and chaos, mind you.. my alarm, set for 5:15 AM, mysteriously stopped going off, and an e-mail that jennelle received at 6:57 AM was the first thing to wake me up. somehow, i made it on the bus at exactly 7:29 AM.. lots of panic and anxiety ensued.. i'll go no further...)

i got to penn station a little after noon, found my hotel, freshened up, and walked down 5th avenue to the NYU campus. from there, i walked all around the village, found carrie bradshaw's house, had a delicious little lunch at the soho cafe, and then found the apartment where the lovely heath ledger died [RIP :( ] with death and memorials in mind (not in a sick way, i promise you), i decided to walk to strawberry fields in central park to see the imagine mosaic. at least 70 blocks later, i found myself sitting on a little bench, watching a little boy place rose petals around the mosaic in a peace sign formation and tea lights inside of it. all of a sudden, the fifteen or so men who had been sitting on the benches across from me started playing beatles songs. i was awestricken. all of them had guitars, except for one man who was playing a tiny drum set, and they were in such high spirits. a couple of random pedestrians came and went, singing along with them, harmonizing, the whole deal. it was incredible! i immediately called erika so she could hear it, and describing to her what was happening made me start crying, and i didn't stop for the entire time i was there. that in itself convinced me that new york was a place i could actually live and flourish. i collected myself, walked down broadway to my little hotel on east 27th, and went to bed :)

the next morning, i woke up, checked out of the hotel, and walked to washington square park to eat a nice little breakfast before my 10 AM tour of the NYU campus. it felt so good sitting there in the sun, my kombucha, fruit salad, and lemon poppyseed muffin in hand, watching all of the people walking by. the tour was.. well, a tour. i'm so stoked to go there though. i know those kinds of situations are basically educationally-based solicitations, but i am hooked. yippee! i bought an NYU sweatshirt, wandered around greenwich village for a little while, and walked back to the nasty, urine-scented penn station and waited for my bus back to boston.

this is where things became entertaining :) so i'm sitting in a seat by the window, reading my book, curled up in my new sweatshirt, when a voice asks me, "do you mind if i sit with you?" looking up, i see a quite attractive, tan, curly-haired boy looking down at me. of course i say yes, so he sits down, and before we've been driving for five minutes, the kid is sound asleep. his head is bobbing around violently, in the same way someone trying to sleep in an upright position naturally does. it was so funny to watch this poor guy in my periphs, struggling to keep his head from flailing around, that i pretended to sleep so i wouldn't wake him up with my laughter. in doing so, i actually did fall asleep, and once i woke up again, his head was resting on my shoulder! so cute. i seriously considered waking him up to ask if he'd like to switch seats so he could rest his head against the window and sleep somewhat comfortably, but by the time i had gathered enough courage to do so, he was awake too. the bus driver stopped somewhere in connecticut to give us all a bathroom/stretch break, and from that point until we got to boston, the cute boy and i talked the entire way! i felt like we talked about so much too, much more than any two strangers would or should talk about on a long bus ride. once we got to south station, we realized that we didn't even know each other's names! anyway, it was such a fun and random and exciting situation.

two weeks to the day until jennelle and i head off to california! i'm so excited to go home. after that, it's back to work for a week, and then my dad and i are going to new york again for orientation! once i'm back in boston, i plan on working like a madwoman the entire month of july, and then our lease is up, and i'll most likely be manhattan-bound! condensing the next two months into so little sentences worries me that time is going to fly by too quickly for me to actually wrap my head around everything. that's part of the excitement though, right?

weird

2009-05-20T22:05:00.003-04:00

for some reason, i LOVE this song. i really really like it.

tomorrow is my last final, and i'll officially be done with my second year of college! i'm working all weekend, and then next week i'm taking the bus to check out my potential new home. crazy, isn't it? i can't help but continually remind myself of how quickly life can change. one moment, i was shopping for a vacuum, and the next minute, i'm moving to new york city. i mean, what?! my entire life was turned upside down in a ten minute phone call. insanity, i tell you!

in the fine words of frank sinatra...

2009-05-17T02:14:00.004-04:00

what? oh my god. no way. really? you're kidding. holy shit. jesus. jesus christ. there's no way. WTF? seriously? for real? oh, come on. wow. no sir-ah. nah ah. yay! wait, you're serious? shut up.

california!

2009-05-09T13:44:00.004-04:00

on the evening of june 10th, jennelle and i will be invading northern california for a total of six days WOOOO! so stoked.

oh, i cannot wait!

it's been a long, long time coming...

2009-05-06T21:57:00.005-04:00

while sitting in my biological anthropology class this afternoon, i received the most straightforward yet somewhat hilarious of text messages:

"Forward this message to your sister ... post something on your blog ... the same goes for you"

and so, for you AJ, and all of you other anonymous readers, here is an update! i am so so sorry for the prolonged lack of entries. i recently purchased a blackberry and created a twitter account (separate events), and trying to keep up with at least five modes of communication is quite difficult to do!

so much has happened since the last time i posted, that i don't even know where to begin. i've been running as much as i can, which i must admit hasn't been much this week. dammit. i've been feeling really good though! last thursday was our friend dan's 20th birthday party, and it was such a fun party. around this time last year, we all had a group of friends who we nicknamed "the dirty dozen," and due to unexplainable, natural causes, this group of friends isn't as close as it used to be; HOWEVER, thursday was a reunion, and it was phenomenal. earlier in the week was nayana's 21st birthday, which was a blast too, so i guess that explains where i've been. there's a saying that goes: "school, job, friends. pick two. welcome to college." in the recent weeks, i've been trying to juggle all three, and it's been exhausting but extremely fun.

we have exactly one week of classes left, finals the week after, and then i'm officially halfway through with college! how exciting is that? i've been researching study abroad programs lately, as well as the peace corps. today, we saw a group of irish boys at the grocery store, and now i am set on going to ireland. i mean, i work at a pub now, so aren't i about halfway there? eee!

my precious baby sister busted her knee the other weekend at a volleyball tournament and most likely needs surgery, so i think i'm going to go home for a week or so in june to hang out with her. what a way to start the summer, huh? great for me, but horrible for her.. poor girl :( hopefully jennelle will be coming with me too!

RIP Mr. Moe :(

finally!

2009-04-25T15:04:00.003-04:00

today is spectacular. it is probably the prettiest day i have seen since i've lived here.. a slight breeze is blowing through the 78 degree air, and the sun actually generates warmth, rather than just light. jennelle and i had to close at work last night and then open this morning, but it was slow so we got out early :) thank god! the beaches are filled with people, everyone is chipper, and it's lovely. tonight is nayana's 21st birthday party (black, white, and red themed), and i'm stoked.

today, chef's wife came into the restaurant with her sister, and it reminded me that erika has yet to visit me here! what the hell, right? seriously sis, it's almost been two years.. come visit me!

also, my blackberry broke once again, so i am without vocal communication. so sorry, family. i'm going to go now to try to get it fixed, but i can't guarantee anything. hold tight!

strings.

2009-04-24T10:34:00.003-04:00

i don't know if it's because i've been listening to a lot of andrew bird lately, but i've had the biggest urge to start playing the violin again! i read an article that said andrew bird learned how to play using the suzuki method (like us!) and he plays with such a serene, exhilarating sound. i've also wanted to learn how to play the guitar for a very long time, so maybe this will be the summer of running and instruments! we'll see.

i'm also very much over working in restaurants. i found an internship at the JFK library for this summer which sounds really interesting. not so much fun or exciting but interesting. the deadline is next week though, and i need a letter of recommendation, so i don't know if i'll be able to get it in on time. we'll see.

two weeks left of school! i cannot wait. i realized the other day that, because of summer school, i've been in school since the beginning of july! ugh, i cannot wait to take a break. the apartment hunt has been so far unsuccessful, which is very discouraging. the market is so expensive right now! everything we've seen that's in our price range is disgusting, dirty, and in the basement, and any type of decent living is well over $2,000 a month. ridiculous.

finally livin' life...

2009-04-20T22:39:00.003-04:00

saturday night epitomized everything that i have wished to experience while in college. jennelle and i met up with one of her high school friends at her adorable little house at lasell college and from there went to a house party in brighton (directly in front of where heather's car broke down while we were apartment hunting, actually! very cute neighborhood...) after spending a couple of hours there, we went to another house for another party, and then went back to the original house. i had the most fun i've had in a very long time, i cannot even tell you! i was with my best friend, we met a bunch of new people, and it was just a blast. eeee! i don't really know what else to say about it, other than i cannot wait to have more nights like that. three/four more months!

due to patriots day/marathon monday, we had a school holiday today.. jennelle and i stupidly left all of our homework and papers that are due tomorrow morning for today, so we've spent this entire holiday inside, attempting homework. this afternoon though, we decided to begin our eight week plan to be able to run a 5K! so stoked. a woman we work with told me about this program she started, and i looked into it and thought it seemed really great. i ran two miles the other afternoon and then did about twenty lunges, and my thighs want to kill me right now. it feels so good though.. such a boost of confidence (or maybe it's just the endorphins...)

a friend of mine is leaving for europe in a little over two weeks, and i'm surprisingly upset about it. i mean, i hardly get to see him as it is, but knowing that i absolutely won't be able to at all really saddens me. i feel a bit ridiculous about thinking this way, and i don't think i could ever tell him since i know i'm overreacting, but i can't help it! hmmm.

let's get out of here...

2009-04-16T22:23:00.003-04:00

i was recently formally introduced to this man by zach, and i am hooked... he's fantastic! i remember josh ritter touring with him a bit last year, but even still i didn't give him a fair enough listen; however, this song is now one of my new favorites, and watching him play it live is even more of an affirmation of his talent. he's an incredible musician, and so multi-faceted, it's very refreshing. ladies and gentlemen, this is andrew bird, singing "oh no" ... enjoy!

how i'm feeling :)

2009-04-12T09:50:00.004-04:00

damn you, saunders.

2009-04-05T22:40:00.005-04:00

this has been quite the weekend. my roommates, myself, and three of our friends decided to get an apartment together next year, so we've been meeting with realtors all weekend. thursday night we met with john the rental agent, and he planned on showing us a 7 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 4 story, enormous house that we'd been raving about all week via craigslist.org. so we see it, we fall in love, but decided to wait until we see a few more properties before we settled for this place (saunders, we called it, after the street it was on).

the next day, none of us could get this gorgeous place out of our minds, so i called john and told him we wanted it, and he said to bring in a check as soon as we could, since our word alone wasn't enough to reserve it for us. fair enough. that night at work, he called me saying there was a group meeting with one of his co-workers about our beloved saunders. after a game of phone tag, a mix of bad news (apartment taken) and good news (they forgot their check book), we ran around like crazy people, making 1 AM and 9 AM trips to a plethora of banks, and managed to get our applications and check into his office by ten o'clock the next morning.

sadly, around noon on saturday, john called me and said his co-worker had gone to the group's house the night before, picked up their check, and called the landlord himself that morning to clear his peeps. so despite my flirting, our willingness to look at his nasty apartment, encountering weed-smoking angry tenants who tell their friends via cellular device about "las personas en la fucking casa. grr.", the girls' collective scrounging of $3300, and a desperate morning drive to allston, our precious saunders was stolen from us. i'm telling you, we thought we had it. we were convinced. and now we are running aground on the apartment rental shore. DAMN YOU SAUNDERS!!

we will never forget you.

you make my heart sang!

2009-03-31T21:44:00.001-04:00

i don't know why, but knowing this movie was created gives me chills. i can't wait!

3.30

2009-03-30T17:53:00.003-04:00

i turned in my "declaration of a major" paperwork today, which for some reason makes me feel so motivated. it's like i finally have a direction at this school, and that in itself is very exciting! last friday i had an advising appointment, and the advisor told me that i could potentially double major, if i geared down right now and did it. so, everyone, as of right now i am going to double major in american studies and anthropology. weird, right? i'm so excited though! when i was in the american studies office today, i got to talk to chair of the department (who is the author of one of my books !! ) and she was so excited to welcome me to the department. she gave me a booklet about the program, a quick tour of the department, and insisted that i call her by her first name. everything about that ten minute encounter convinced me that i'm doing the right thing.. i don't want to ignore the good omens :) i have yet to talk to the anthro people, since that major may turn into a minor, depending on how well two of my classes next semester turn out. a good amount of the american studies courses count towards anthropology too, so why not? plus, having a transcript that shows i doubled-majored gives me a huge leg up, especially since neither major can directly employ me with a specific job. it's all so exciting! i'm sure you could care less about my educational jabber, but it's consuming my life, so i don't know what else to write about!

i've been thinking lately too about the peace corps. i talked with a woman in sonoma about it briefly, and it sounds like such an incredible experience. she told me it truly is a lot of hard work, but it's so empowering, inspiring, and enriching, i would like to think i am a great candidate for it. what's also pretty cool is that if you enroll in a certain program, once you're done, they will pay for graduate school. cool! with this plan in mind, the anthropology degree doesn't seem too random. we'll see what happens though...

otherwise, life is good! work is slow, school is busy, the weather is getting better but still pretty awful, and i found a boy to have a crush on for the time being! semi-pointless, i know, but what's a girl to do? life can change in an instant.

xoxo

p.s. t-minus three months until we move out of this apartment! we don't know where we're moving, but i can't wait. i spent a large portion of this weekend looking for duvet covers, headboards, 800 thread-count sheets, lamps, all that good stuff :) so pumped!

bueno?

2009-03-27T10:26:00.006-04:00

yesterday was phenomenal. absolutely wonderful. my first class was cancelled, so i got to sleep in, take my time getting ready, eat a good breakfast, and walk to school in 45 degree weather (i even wore flip flops for the occasion :) ) an unknown boy sent me a message that said "you're beautiful. what are you studying at UMB?" what a great day to randomly compliment someone, right?! so flattering! jennelle and i had a delicious sushi lunch, went home and did some homework, and then she made me a delicious cake (vanilla with chocolate frosting and sprinkles.. yummy!) before the delicious cake, though, i engaged in this fantastic conversation:

(phone rings)
"bueno?!"
"bueno? uh.. como estas?! eh.. feliz navidad!"
"HAHAHAhahahah!"
"oh, hahah, i mean, feliz.. huh? cumpleanos? FELIZ CUMPLEANOS!"

i seriously love my dad. so funny :)

thank you everyone, very very much, for the birthday wishes! you're all too kind :)

last one.

2009-03-25T14:16:00.007-04:00

tomorrow will officially end my seven year stint as a teenager. i've been wanting to be in my twenties since i was about sixteen, but now that it's here, i must say i'm a bit freaked out. what really got me was when i read the birthday card from my grandma, which said, "happy twentieth birthday, ashley!" and seeing twentieth written out in all of its glory was the final realization. it really freaks me out. on the other hand, i am sick of saying "oh, no, i'm only ____-teen" when someone asks me hold old i am, since my personality doesn't at all reflect my young age.

it's funny, though... on my walk to school this morning, i found a twenty dollar bill sitting ever so perfectly underneath a tree. coincidence? birthday present from mother nature? luck? you decide :)

i'm not going to promise you that this new decade of my life will bring more intellectual, intelligent, exciting, entertaining posts, but i really truly hope it does. to a new year, a new period of my life! i'm pumped.

HE'S BACK!

2009-03-23T23:22:00.005-04:00

i cannot even begin to express my excitement.

(video courtesy of bige302 from the March 22 Charlotte, NC show)

i've been in a josh ritter mood lately, so maybe his music is in the air :) please check him out... he's a fantastic musician, the nicest man (he wrote "ooh la la..." on my poster from the boston pops show this summer, and then he told me i was beautiful :)) and he has the most incredible stage presence. yayay!

costumes, wine, and birthday parties.

2009-03-22T23:39:00.005-04:00

a very fun, quite intoxicated, celebratory weekend :) feliz cumpleanos!

shfifty.

2009-03-20T19:57:00.002-04:00

this is my fiftieth post! neat-oh, gang. well, after a much too quick but much too lovely week, i am leaving tonight. tomorrow is our birthday party, so i must be in attendance.. i decided to dress in a toga as my theme.. let's hope i don't look frumpy!

thank god i love to fly, or else these trips would be excruciatingly upsetting. but for now, they're just bittersweet. i love you all very, very much <3

p.s. another hair cut! whatdya' think?

flights, drives, family, and friends.

2009-03-18T11:40:00.003-04:00

i love home. i love my sisters. i love my parents. i love benny. i love my friends. i love sonoma. i love SLO. I LOVE THE SUNSHINE! jesus, i missed the sunshine. it's been absolutely beautiful this entire trip! 85 degrees in SLO, 75 in sonoma, so sunny, so colorful, so pleasantly warm... it's heaven.

on sunday, i got off of work around 2 o'clock, so i got the the airport a whopping 5 hours early. i finished some homework, did some reading, and before i knew it, i was on my way home! i sat next to this couple, both of whom looked like the famed ken brown, and they had a little baby with them. this little girl was laughing half the flight and sleeping the other half.. so cute! anyway, when i got to oakland, i actually did have a big arrival party! erika, claire, my mom, and phyllis all came down :)

on monday, i drove down to san luis obispo with erika. we got to her house around 7ish and then went over to the cal poly lacrosse game. so fun! i had no idea lacrosse was such a big deal out here. the next day, she had class at 10, and then we got sandwiches at the giant grinder and went to the beach :) her cute boy came in while we were there, completely coincidental, so it was awesome see him in person! (if you'd like, you can read about him on her blog: http://impeccablypiquant.wordpress.com ... erika's a phenomenal writer!)

i got pretty upset when i had to leave though.. i feel like i'm at the point where i should be allowed and able to move back here. i had my hiatus from california, i did my thing somewhere else, and now i feel ready to come back! but alas, i cannot. i'm sick and tired of saying my good-byes, and the fact that i have to say goodbye, board the plane, and leave again just kills me. but that's life i suppose.. i need to finish what i've started.

yesterday was a day of lounging, reading, painted nails, and lunch by myself. bethany called me around 3 so i went and visited her at work for the rest of the day! it was so nice seeing her again! i unsurprisingly ran into a couple of people from way back when, but it was nice to see them. today, i'm going to san francisco with sierra to do some shopping and hanging out.. so pumped! i'm getting my hair cut again tomorrow morning, breakfast with bethany, hopefully lunch with anita!, dinner with my faja, and then it's off to the airport!

why does a week crawl by when you want it to fly, and it flies when you want it to crawl?

twenty-four little hours

2009-03-15T00:20:00.002-04:00

i am a combination of:

and...

one more day! i am filled with an amount of excitement that i am unable to express to its fullest. yee!!

three eff's and some elle.

2009-03-12T14:53:00.003-04:00

this week hasn't been as nuts as i was anticipating, or perhaps it was and i'm not focusing. last night i made a big shrimp pasta dinner for eight of my friends.. i cannot believe kate gosselin does that every night! it was pretty tough, but in the end, i was so happy. every single person liked everything i prepared! leah is visiting right now, so her and danielle came over and danielle took control of the shrimp for me (thank you!) but i loved having everyone together :)

half of us sat at the table and the other half sat on the couches, and i guess it was awkward, even though i didn't sense that at all. i assumed we were all just eating quietly, but that's my oblivious side talking i suppose. i guess i also forgot to introduce everyone to danielle and leah, and i had the hardest time falling asleep last night because of it. i don't know why i got so upset by it, but i thought i had done everything perfectly, cooked this huge dinner, made everyone comfortable and full, and i missed a step. i suppose one doesn't immediately know how to be a dinner party hostess... it was my first time, give me a break! i'm making one huge mental note about the whole introduction thing though, so i promise i won't forget next time. jesus.

yesterday and today combined showed me the two most difficult tests i have ever taken. yesterday's midterm was literally a situation where i looked at the exam and had absolutely no idea what was being asked of me. today's was equally as difficult, but i think i did alright on it. and, conveniently, both of those classes rely on exam scores, so let's keep our fingers crossed that i don't screw this one up.

i have to close at work tonight, and then tomorrow i'm going to the harvard natural history museum for my biological anthropology class.. i'm actually pretty excited! jennelle leaves for florida around 3, so i'm going to try to pack as much as i can for HOME! i have to work lunch saturday and sunday, and on sunday, i'm leaving for the airport right when i get out of work. sunday is going to be a nightmare, but i think i'll be okay. i have to leave my suitcases in the office downstairs, so i have to be ready to leave on saturday night. and then, 11:30 PM pacific standard time, i will be in california!

it just so happens that my uncle tod and phyllis are flying out today, and because of that, my grandma and uncle are coming to town, and my grandpa and his wife, and because of THAT, erika is spending the weekend in sonoma, so it's going to be a big butler family reunion. i cannot wait! i'm going to miss most of the festivities, considering they are happening this weekend, but it should be wonderful.

louis ck with a slight chance of slush

2009-03-09T14:51:00.007-04:00

due to the sudden downpour of slushy snow this morning, i decided to stay on campus for my three-hour break instead of coming home. i forgot how much i absolutely love people watching, hearing what toils, troubles, excitement, what have you, some people go through. Some people worry about the most absurd, almost silly things, and it makes me wonder why something so small can be so distressing. i could sit somewhere and listen to people all day long. sometimes, when i'm walking through a busy area, i'll try to catch a line or two from each conversation that i walk past, and i'm telling you, people talk about the funniest, strangest things sometimes. Do it next time you're somewhere busy.. you'll get a kick out of it ;)

lucas and i had a nice sushi lunch the other afternoon, and he mentioned this comedian who's filming an HBO special at a venue in boston. I'd never heard of him, so i looked him up when i got home, and i'm telling you.. Louis C.K. Please check him out. It's been quite a while since i've actually laughed out loud at a comedian. this guy is hilarious.

hilarious.

ducks.

2009-03-04T07:58:00.006-05:00

last night at work was absolutely horrendous. i won't go into detail, but let me just say that i was unbelievably livid, and i hope work never goes that way again.

anyway, after i got home, i pretty much went straight to bed and had the most interesting dream.. here they come again! part of me debated documenting this dream, but the other part of me knows that my lovely grandma reads this, and i think she would appreciate it :)

...

i was walking down clam beach (in humboldt county) with the chef at my restaurant and this disabled woman whose family i served last night. ben and i were walking and this woman was rolling through the sand in her wheelchair, when i looked out at the surf and saw a giant flock of ducks, geese maybe. i called to my friends, "jesus, look at all of the ducks!" but when i turned around, both of them were gone, her wheelchair empty. frantic, i searched the area of beach with my eyes, seeing no civilization in sight, and becoming both upset and angry that they would abandon me. who abandons their friends, right?

after what seemed like an eternity of exhausting searching, i thought i would just sit by the surf and watch the ducks. i noticed a particularly cute duck family, arranging themselves into a perfect "V", the dad and mom at the front, and the babies trailing along behind. it was odd though because there were about three other ducks who kept rotating in to swim in the "dad" position. Cool, a polygamist duck family! a few minutes passed when i noticed a large being glide beneath the water's surface. right at the shoreline, the woman from the wheelchair emerged from the water, stark naked but not exposed due to the length of her hair. She was like a mermaid. I was amazed at how lovely she looked, when all of a sudden i spotted the most unusual thing: she had an extra pair of lungs that hung outside of her body! it was such a weird sight, but i assumed they helped her breathe underwater. Unaware of my gawking as she emerged from the water, on both legs mind you, she reached down and tucked those extra lungs into her underwear and sat back down in her chair. that's all i remember of her. it was around that time that i saw ben walk by, wrapped up in the blanket i made for my dad a few years ago. "maybe he's covering up his extra lungs too," i wondered.

suddenly, with no recollection of transportation, i was in the kitchen at work, only it wasn't the correct kitchen. I had my homemade blanket with me. ben was there again, and although the kitchen was really busy, I was on my way out the door. I was leaving my blanket with him for some reason, and i told him, "please, do not put this on the floor. i'll leave it with you, but you have to take good care of it." i handed him my blanket, and upon taking it, he threw it into a greasy corner behind the oven. "What are you doing?!" i yelled at him, but he didn't seem to hear me. and that's when my alarm went off.

lost.

2009-03-02T15:07:00.003-05:00

i absolutely love this song, and i don't know why or how i didn't hear it sooner.

p.s. this is the view from my living room window. come on, mother nature, it's march for god's sake.

a couple of things.

2009-03-02T02:36:00.006-05:00

firstly, i would like to apologize for my lack of writing. life gets busy! but, considering it's 2:30 AM, allow me to keep this short.

1. currently, it is snowing sideways, and because of this, all classes are canceled for tomorrow. yippee!

2. in exactly two weeks from this exact minute, i will be landing at the oakland airport. since my whole family will be in town, i'm hoping i'll have an entourage waiting for me at the gate this time! (hint hint) all of my trips home have either been secret or during rush hour, so my arrivals have never been celebrations (EXCEPT last christmas when erika, sierra, and max picked me up! that was lovely :D angelica bung?) i understand that 1130 PM on a sunday is a lot to ask, but it would be nice. i'm just sayin'..

3. i'm becoming more and more anxious for the chance to revamp things out here. it's pretty exciting.

4. you know how the eharmony commercials say you can view your matches for free? i decided to try it, just to see what kind of men i would be matched with. dream guys are out there! such a funny idea, that eharmony.com.

i have a bunch of school work to catch up on and finish tomorrow, so i'm extremely thankful for this lovely coating of wintry bliss. in the meantime, enjoy this :)

xoxo

retail therapy.

2009-02-21T20:08:00.004-05:00

when i was a freshman in high school, i discovered vera wang perfume. heaven on earth, basically. i would refer to my perfume by her first name Vera, and soon enough, all of my friends had my scent cemented in their minds. for the next couple of years, i would ask for nothing but a bottle of it for christmas, but now that i'm a grown-up (pfsh...) or maybe because i think other things are more important, i haven't had a bottle of it for a couple of years now. the other day while meandering through macy's, i found myself at the counter which stored this magnificent perfume. one squirt and i was hooked once again. even now, as i'm typing this, i catch little whiffs of it here and there, and it just paints a huge grin on my face. how i've missed this scent! it's funny how a little retail therapy can make all of the difference.

p.s. three weeks until home!

xoxo

2.18

2009-02-18T21:14:00.006-05:00

Waves

I yearn for the surf.
Where are you?
I wish for nothing
more
than to swim, carelessly,
surrounded.

I find you.
There you are,
wild and energetic,
much too deep, much too intense.
Perfect.

I dive in,
feeling those chilling arms around me.
I feel refreshed, free.
I am safe.

................................

The Professor

his long hands cradled his face

grey, weary, full of wisdom.

his brow furrowed

like ripples on a pond.

and his eyes,

though desperate and exhausted,

glistened in the sunlight.

the physical baggage

that he had stored below

those spectacular eyes

spoke to his audience.

he unpacked them,

for educational purposes of course,

and shared his stories.

one by one.

away he wandered.

from his sanctuary,

his family.

so sad, alone.

but those eyes never faltered.

they continued to breathe,

to tell his story.

the wisdom,

immeasurable.

................................

[untitled]

I seem to find

my biggest inspiration in

the ocean.

Perhaps it is

the tide. Or the wind.

Or the glare.

The glare is especially bright off the surface.

I wish I had sunglasses…

No, I can handle the glare on my own.

The fencepost next to me

has two legs and is smoking

a cigarette.

The smoke dances with the breeze,

occasionally switching partners and

dancing with the boats instead.

I wish this breeze wasn’t

clouded with nicotine.

So many people

walk alone,

sit alone,

read alone,

attempt suicide alone,

write alone.

I wish I wasn’t alone.

I think I would like my sunglasses now.

[untitled]

2009-02-15T12:39:00.004-05:00

my dad posted this poem on erika's facebook wall (yep, dad AND mom have facebooks. love 'em) on valentine's day. pretty much, i love my sissy.

Sand by Erika 7/7/97

I like the sand,

it never goes.
I like the way

it feels on my toes.
But you and me

have fun together,
And we will be friends

for ever and ever.

how precious is this? how she used the eternity and comfort of sand as a metaphor for the innocence of a childhood friendship makes my heart flutter. see, even as a child, my sister was brilliant. i talked to my dad today, and he told me that she didn't think much of this little bit of poetry, but erika, you're wrong! this has to be one of the sweetest things i've ever read. please, just read it with a twinkle in your voice and accept the compliment. it's adorable.

4:14 AM

2009-02-13T04:32:00.003-05:00

i awoke with a start at exactly 2:30 AM, according to my cell phone clock, and now it's 4:14 and i'm still wide awake. my ipod died about 45 minutes ago, and it's uncomfortably warm in my room, despite my two windows being open. ugh!

i watched "bottle shock" tonight (erika inspired me ;) ) and oh my god i miss those sonoma sunsets. if anyone back home who has never lived somewhere else is reading this, you have no idea how absolutely lucky we are to have the honor to witness something so breathtaking on a daily basis. granted i get ocean sunrises, but i'm never up at 530 when they occur, but a sunset over dirty industry? not nearly as exquisite. i also caught a glimpse of my old friend/ ex-mary's coworker david hinkley and literally rewound the movie three times to reassure myself it was him. SO COOL!

i want this:

how cute is her little shack/home?

:D love you all

valentine's day

2009-02-12T18:50:00.002-05:00

i hate that i have no motivation or new news to write about. Classes are going, work is going.. The weather has been beautiful, then ugly, then beautiful, then ugly once again. Valentine's Day is Saturday, and I have never felt so lonely. I'd rather not bore you with that though, so I won't! Instead, I'll leave you with a lovely video.. 'Tis the season, huh?

brrr.

2009-02-06T14:14:00.000-05:00

i had the most repulsive realization today, and i'd like to share it with you. earlier this morning, as i was looking at weather.com's hour-by-hour report (which i do religiously, at least three times a day), i noticed that the temperature tonight is going to be 17 degrees but feel like 9 degrees fahrenheit around the time i expect to get off work, and i thought to myself, "okay cool, it's not going to be too cold..." as i was recalling this fleeting thought on my walk home from school, i was practically disgusted. it is not natural for humans to live in such freezing weather! i know boston isn't nearly as bad as some other places in this country, or the world, but it's seriously wrong. california in one month and ten days!

today marks the end of week two of this semester, and it was equally as time consuming and difficult as last week. for the first time in my academic career, that i can recall, i find myself wishing that there was just one more day in the week, or a few more hours in the day, just so i'd have enough time to complete everything i have to do. perhaps the past has irresponsibly taught me that procrastination is okay, and this need for organization is freaking me out, but i literally have no time to spare. uuhhhg.

also, i had my first nightmare about my job last night. heather had frequent nightmares about olive garden when she first started working there, but i've loved this job so much (as i often admit) that those underlying fears have never existed! it's weird too because when i worked last night, it was so fun and not in the least bit stressful. i have to work in two hours, and i'm terrified and very nervous.

on a more entertaining note, this had to be my choice for the funniest commercial during the super bowl.

have a good weekend, lovies :)

my favorite group of guys.

2009-02-03T16:36:00.003-05:00

i cannot WAIT (!) for josh ritter's new album to come out. i have no idea when it is, but i do know that they're recording up in maine this winter. who told me this prized information, you ask? watch this video, and if you happen to notice the guitar player in the dark hat, you will have noticed a man by the name of austin nevins (from mill valley, believe it or not!) and he told me! that's right.. i shmooze with celebrities. it's whatever ;)

25 things.

2009-02-02T11:43:00.001-05:00

i did this silly "note" on facebook, and i thought i may as well post it here too (especially since i cannot think of a decent update for you all...)

1. i can't fall asleep without music. i actually can't do anything without music. my favorite genres are classic rock and jazz, and sometimes i'll go through a pavarotti phase. i just really can't stand that screamo shit.. country is mildly tolerable, but everything else = absolutely. i live for it.

2. i am so excited for the day i fill up an entire bookshelf of my own.

3. my independence means everything to me, and it takes one hell of a guy to make me comfortable enough to give that up.

4. there is nothing scarier than spiders or snakes.. ugh.

5. i cannot stand it when people over-use punctuation (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), misspell words for no reason (kool), keep the caps lock on (HEY HOW ARE YOU?), or don't know the difference between the "there" and "your" variations. combine any of the above irritations, and you're in big trouble.

6. when my dad is in a witty mood and erika is tired, they have some of the most hilarious conversations i have ever witnessed. even from the other side of the house, if you hear the pitch of my dad's laugh go up half an octave, there is some seriously funny conversation happening.

7. i'm more of a giver, not so much a taker.

8. i really want to take a road trip across the country, both in the north and the south. i want to see new orleans, the grand canyon, drive route 66.. i also want to see the northern lights, the giant flintstone statues, yellowstone...

9. as much as i've fallen in love with the east coast, my heart belongs in california.

10. josh ritter is my obsession.

11. if i could be anyone in the world, i would want to be beyonce knowles, hands down.

12. i wish i had lived in the days of renoir.

13. give me the beach, a boy, a bottle of merlot, and some classic rock, and i'd be a very happy girl.

14. when i was a kid, i wanted to be a flight attendant SO BADLY, and to this day, i would still love to do it.

15. i wish i had taken advantage of my high school years.

16. my eyes water ALL the time, at almost every emotion. it happens more so when i'm either embarrassed for myself or someone else, or when i laugh, but if you spend enough time with me, you'll definitely see some tears.

17. i am such a chicken when it comes to scary movies, it's a little pathetic. "The Strangers"? Forget about it. "The Ring"? It scared me so badly the first time i saw it that i spent the whole night throwing up.

18. i really want to learn now to play the guitar and/or the piano.

19. it kills me to watch someone take fortunate situations for granted.

20. i can't wait for my little sister to get out of sonoma and be able to do something extraordinary with her brilliant little brain.

21. i'm secretly wishing that some record executive will come across my music myspace and make me famous :D but if he never does, i'll be okay with that.

22. i envy the life my sister leads.. from her cute little loft in the most gorgeous little town, her hilarious friends, to her dreams and aspirations, i just think she is the most incredible person i've ever known.

23. i cannot wait to be a mother. i mean, i can wait, but you know...

24. i wish i was a better cook, like my momma.

25. i can't flip my tongue over, no matter how hard i try, but i can tie a cherry stem in a knot ;)

what!?

2009-01-30T11:54:00.003-05:00

yesterday in one of my american studies courses, i read the most hilarious thing. okay, we all know that columbus thought the world was flat, right? WRONG! in fact, columbus believed that the world, and i quote, "is like a round ball, on part of which is something like a woman's nipple..." a woman's nipple? seriously? columbus thinks that the earth is shaped like a boob? i'm sitting in the library as i type this, giggling to myself at this newfound knowledge. i just can't even fathom... oh, the things we learn in college.

this week has been exhausting, and it's only the first! i don't know what i'm going to do this semester if every week is like this one. ugh.

if you recall from a previous post of mine, i mentioned something about a surprise, and since i officially took the days off of work yesterday, i can officially tell you that i'm going home for spring break! i found a ticket on jetblue, non-stop roundtrip, for $300. so sweet! i can't wait to see everyone :) i'm especially excited to see erika, since it will be the week before our birthday. last birthday was the first one spent apart, and i felt so lonely! most people believe birthdays to be the one day of the year where one is allowed to be selfish, but for me, it is meant to be shared. thank god jennelle's is right before mine, or i would have felt completely selfish.

i wish you all a lovely weekend :) superbowl! (even though i have no idea who's playing, nor do i even care, really...) but enjoy it!

xoxox

151.00

2009-01-28T02:02:00.007-05:00

today was gnarly. i started classes at 8 o'clock, was out by two, and had to work from four till close (which is two AM...) i've been exhausted all day, but for some reason now that i'm home, i don't/can't fall asleep. a storm is coming our way, and i'm keeping my fingers crossed that classes will be canceled so this staying up late won't come back and bite me tomorrow.

one of the classes that i'm taking is "images of the body" and i am so excited for it. we have to choose an image for next class, and i chose this one by renoir:

tonight at work, i had this table of three little old ladies. one of them asked why i didn't have an accent, so i told her i was from sonoma. this cute little old woman shrieked aloud, telling me that she LOVES sonoma, is a member of the benziger winery club (which i didn't even know existed...) and she even guessed the crossroads of our neighborhood from my slight description! it was just the cutest thing.

it's kind of ironic that i would have such an encounter, because i've thinking very strongly about moving back.. i know i've written many ideas on here, and i very well may change my mind again, but it just seems like a wonderful moment of opportunity for me, kind of like moving back east in the first place was. it's not that i really miss home, or that i hate boston now; it's quite the opposite, actually. it really comes down to the yearning i have to be close to my family. two years away has been great, but it's really very difficult to be so inconveniently far away from them. it's very hard to put into words exactly what i mean, and because of that i don't talk about this very much out loud. i feel like a part of me is missing though, and it's beginning to ache a little bit.

i'm slightly ashamed to admit, even though my dad told me not to be, but i feel a little bit hypocritical. i was so adamant about moving away from sonoma, from california, succeeding in a new place, refusing to be one of those SVHS kids who ends up at the JC. even more so, i refused to be one of the kids who goes off their respective distant school, only to find themselves back in sonoma, taking classes at the JC, because they couldn't survive in their original destination. i don't want to make any justifications or excuses about why i am probably going to end up like my worst nightmare, but two years is quite a while to live somewhere else, especially straight out of high school.

pardon all of this talk.. i'll most likely end up writing an entry in the new few weeks that's declaring my undying love for boston, or jumping for joy at my acceptance to NYU or something, but in the meantime, all i crave is california.

xoxo, ashley

escuela.

2009-01-26T12:27:00.008-05:00

my first class was this morning at 9 AM, and my friend james ended up being in the class too! i haven't seen him since last spring, so it was exciting to see him again. i have an enormous break from 10-1, and i'm so bored, i don't know what to do with myself. except take ridiculous pictures.. i don't know what to think of this one.

i've been thinking a lot lately about transferring to a school back in california. it's probably because it's the middle of winter, and i've been sick, but the southern california sunshine sounds beyond incredible.. this twenty degree weather is no longer my preferred cup of tea. i find myself dreaming of the house i grew up in, daydreaming about what my life would be like living in LA, SLO, san diego, or san francisco. i really miss (almost) constant warm weather, not having to check the weather six times in one day, and not worrying about getting brain freeze from being outside for two minutes. uhg. in state tuition wouldn't be too shabby either!

what i am excited about is that erika and i have been video chatting again! it's so much cooler than just talking on the phone.

i'm obsessed.

2009-01-25T23:29:00.003-05:00

with this song. i've unknowingly listened to bonnie raitt since i was about four years old, and i just adore her and her music. she has one of the most heartfelt voices.. she's fantastic.

school starts tomorrow! i'm actually pretty excited because i am so bored of just work. here's to you, christmas break. it's been nice :)

route 66

2009-01-23T15:33:00.009-05:00

i have woken up the past two mornings feeling like a combination of a middle-aged woman having a hot flash and a 95-year-old woman who's body is just barely functioning anymore. this flu is kicking my ass, and it's also giving me the most random dreams..

two nights ago, i dreamt i was back in sonoma, in the house on la placita. i was just visiting from boston, but while i was there, i got this tiny little white puppy. i don't know what kind it was, but he was white with a short coat, and he had all these little wrinkles! i showed him off to everyone, making people feel how unbelievably soft he was, and i could not figure out how i was supposed to bring him back to boston with me. i have never really been a dog person, but i could not bear to leave this little guy behind or to give him away. he was just so little, so soft.. and i never even gave him a name!

a friend of mine recently asked me, most likely jokingly, if i wanted to road trip across the country with him this summer. even though we probably won't go (although i hope we do!!), i had a dream last night about this potential road trip.. it was pretty vague, and considering the route we took and the sights we saw, it didn't make sense, but the whole trip seemed like so much fun :)

i heart obama.

2009-01-22T17:15:00.010-05:00

this has been quite an incredible week! i feel like i have so much to say, but i don't know exactly how to word everything. i'll just give a mini update..

sunday night, the girls and i went to our friend Anacia's birthday party at her apartment right across the lawn from us. It was funny because Anacia is Greek, and I just felt like her life seemed exactly like "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and i couldn't get over how hilarious that was.. quick turn of events though, we ended up having to call an ambulance for heather because she felt like she was going to have a seizure, and i have never been more worried. they took her away and didn't even let her sister ride with her, so we drove through the snow to the ER and waited until 5 AM until we were able to go home. her parents came, so i wasn't ever able to see her :(

monday, jennelle and i thought it would be a good idea to begin our new year's resolution and try bikram yoga. BAD IDEA. maybe it was because we were exhausted and slightly hung over, but the entire time, we were nauseous, light-headed, and miserable. then we went home and got ready for the MJ O'Connor's HOLIDAY PARTY! so much fun. i really really love my job, my coworkers, and everything about it.

href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XoZ17KjgyLw/SXj2hukOutI/AAAAAAAAAHU/1WarY7-xNVI/s1600-h/n832300018_5621907_2370.jpg">

TUESDAY, the greatest day of my life. i had to work, but it was fine, because we had every TV set to CNN. i should have remembered to wear waterproof mascara, because i just cried and cried tears of joy, happiness, relief, excitement, etc.. everything about barack obama makes my heart flutter, and i cannot wait to see what he does with his presidency. michelle looked absolutely gorgeous, and those kids of theirs are such cuties. SO EXCITED! have you seen anything more precious?

yesterday, i came down with the most horrendous case of the flu, and here i am, at a quarter to six in the evening, and i still feel completely miserable. i went to work last night (bad idea, probably..) but they let me go early, so it was all good. i seriously love my job!

half nelson

2009-01-18T12:38:00.006-05:00

my sincere apologies for not writing for a week! i've been busy busy.. my six-day work stint was no biggie, and last night i picked up a shift at the other MJ's downtown. pretty cool, very busy, very chaotic, but i made some good (unexpected) money, so whatevah ;)

on thursday, my first free day, i went with jennelle up to her house, spent the day chatting with her and her mom, catching up on some reading, napping, and then we went and she got extensions in her hair! very cute. then her parents made us dinner (yummy!) i love her family.. i kind of look at them as my pseudo-family. 143 ciullas!

friday, i ran some errands, FINALLY found a copy of into the wild (ever since i started reading and finished the book, i've been so curious to see the film adaptation again). i bought the two-disc limited edition one, just so i could see the making/behind the scenes look. i hadn't seen hunter since i came back, so he and i had dinner, and then we came back to my place, got some ben and jerry's, and watched the movie. SO INCREDIBLE! emile hirsch does the most breathtaking, groundbreaking performance.. if you haven't seen it, i highly highly recommend it.

it's snowing pretty heavily right now, and it's been absolutely freezing, which is funny because california has been in the 80's! so not fair.. the girls and i are going to a birthday party tonight. classes start in one week, and i really hope this semester goes better than the last.

p.s. i have a huge surprise, and i cannot wait for it to happen!

boo.

2009-01-11T01:01:00.005-05:00

i had a dream last night that i was alone, somewhere, i don't know where exactly. the streets weren't very busy, but i would walk up next to every single person i saw, with no apparent intent, just so they wouldn't quite acknowledge me. just when i felt like they were comfortable with my presence, i would quickly turn to them and yell/growl/"boo" at them and scare them.. "whaaa?!" you ask? yeah, that's what i thought too. how funny is that?! i'm literally laughing out loud ("lol") as i write this, thinking of how ridiculous it would be if a situation like that were to actually occur. i, for one, would NEVER have the courage to actually pull it off, but it's kind of funny to think about. what does a dream like that mean?

today marked day two of my six day work extravaganza, and i'm already feeling exhausted. i had finally found my groove at MJ's, and i could handle eight tables at once like it was nothing. tonight i had five and i was dying.. it's very frustrating. get me out of the restaurant business! (i hope hunter doesn't think i copy all of his ideas, but he comes up with the most brilliant realizations that i can't help but agree.)

random picture of the day:

i love erika.

i'm a worm..

2009-01-08T23:56:00.007-05:00

a BOOKworm, that is. i've read more books this winter break than i have in a while.. longer than i can remember, actually. this may be one of my nerdiest confessions, but one moment i'm looking forward to when i get my own place is filling up my first bookshelf. i cannot wait for that moment when i put that last book into place, step back, and admire the miniature library i have gradually acquired.

ice + snow = ashley + couch

2009-01-08T21:04:00.004-05:00

i got back into boston yesterday morning after a pretty decent flight. american airlines is gaining some points back! i slept 4 of the 5 hours of the flight :) our plane got stuck on the runway for an hour though because the other planes at the gates were de-icing, and it was taking a while.

lemme tell you, boston is a cold, windy, slushy mess right now. yuck. yo quiero california, por favor!

i ended up falling asleep on the couch until almost 4 PM, which made me feel completely ridiculous. i spent all evening reorganizing my entire bedroom, storing some of my old school work, and putting together my ever-growing book collection (yeee!). my body is still on west coast time though, and with no help from that super-nap, i couldn't fall asleep until 3 AM. i took some medicine for my aching jaw/head, which i didn't think helped me at all, but i could NOT get out of bed this morning until 1, and because i forced myself to get up. some powerful stuff she gave me!

so i've spent the day reading, catching up on some work stuff, and staying away from the misery that is outside. my first day back at work is tomorrow, followed by an additional 5 shifts in a row (not fun!) so my schedule's looking pretty frightening right about now. i need to start making money again, so i guess it'll be worth it. 6 days straight, and then at least four days off. here i go!

there's no place like home, part deux...

2009-01-06T16:12:00.004-05:00

so, i'm sadly leaving california tonight. usually i am very anxious to get back to boston at this point in my trip, but this time, i am almost dreading going back. being home is so comforting, and after this homesickness-filled, stressful semester, there is no where else i'd rather be. BUT, i think mother nature might be eavesdropping my thoughts and concerns because boston is getting a storm tomorrow morning, and my flight is supposed to land right in the midst of it, so i may get to stay for a bit longer! i doubt it, but it's a possibility :)

this entire break has been filled with the twilight saga, collegeboard.com, photobooth, and lots of money spending (yikes about the last one.. i need to do some serious catching-up on my finances. well worth it though :)) here's some documentation:

i also think there is a possibility of moving to new york city earlier than i had planned! i've applied to a couple of schools there, so i'm keeping my fingers crossed that one of them works out. i was considering looking for schools in oregon, washington, and chicago, but i think staying on the east coast makes the most sense. i cannot quit.

sore throat.

2008-12-31T12:30:00.004-05:00

happy new years eve, everyone! it has recently come to my attention that more people are finding out about this pathetic little blog i've attempted to create, so... should i give you an update of my life? or should i use this blog to be more insightful about life's happenings and voice my philosophical opinions? lemme know.. but, in the meantime, i guess i'll give an update or two :)

first and foremost, i chopped my hair off! i don't regret it, persay, but the girls and i all had a plan to grow our hair really long, and i was the first to bail. i don't want to go into details about my decision, but let's just say that it's a cute cut, and i love it! i hope you do too ;)

secondly, it's new years eve, and i don't have any set plans for midnight again! what the hell, right? but today i'm excited for though. bethany and i are going shopping down in corte madera, and then to dinner at this delicious sushi restaurant in petaluma called hiro.. so stoked! she's already going to a party tonight, and i was invited to another, but we'll see what happens.

someone is supposed to call me tonight if he doesn't find anything to do, and honestly i don't think he will call, but secretly i really hope he does :)

anyway, tonight brings in the most anticipated, change-filled, incredible 2009 to our realities, and i cannot wait. think of some resolutions! this is going to be a great year.

take my breath awaayyyyy....

2008-12-29T18:39:00.003-05:00

yes please. pretty, pretty please.

(photo courtesy of People Magazine...)

new glasses!

2008-12-28T02:41:00.003-05:00

i got some. sweet!

this evening has been so very nice...

2008-12-27T20:22:00.007-05:00

i love sonoma! for some reason, it has felt so good to be home, more so this trip than any other. i haven't seen as many of my friends as i thought i would have by now, but hanging out with my family is fine enough for me :)

claire is incredible and so fun to hang out with.. i've missed her a lot, so it's just been really fantastic getting to hang out with her some more.

erika is absolutely stunning, so smart.. i'd forgotten, sort of, how majestic she is. we went on a bike ride/run the other morning, and even though we didn't say much, i loved being with her. that must sound so lame, but i can't really explain it, and i don't think it needs defending!

i'm home!

2008-12-23T11:10:00.002-05:00

i don't like american airlines all too well. but it feels lovely to be here :)

paaaarrrtaaaaay!

2008-12-22T08:52:00.004-05:00

the girls and i hosted a little dinner party last night with all of our friends, and it ended up being so fantastic. we figured having a get together, making food, taking pictures, and all of that fun stuff would be better than just buying gifts for one another and trying to find the time to make the proper exchanges. i meant to make one of those cheesy announcements last night, but i never got the courage, i guess, to do so. i don't think the friends i've made out here really realize how much like family they are to me, which makes a little bit of sense, considering they're all locals and have their own families here. but with my real family so far away, i've created my own in my head with my friends, and i appreciated it so so much to have everyone together last night. i'm such a ham, but 'tis the season, right?

there's no place like home...

2008-12-22T08:50:00.004-05:00

this is the heel-clicking stage of my departure home. it's early, which i don't mind too much because i have plenty of errands to run today. i think i'll leave for the airport around four, hoping to GOD (again) that the flights are on time by now. only roughly eighteen hours until i'm home!

i miss my sisters...

Oh, Newport...

2008-12-19T14:25:00.004-05:00

I woke up this morning after a mere three point five hours of sleep to catch the train to Rhode Island, and now here I am sitting in the lovely little home of my lovely aunt and uncle :) Twenty minutes ago, outside was normal, dry, and freezing; yet, now, as I type this, I am looking outside and seeing nothing but white! Around eight to ten inches of snow is expected today, and it couldn't be more incredible! New England architecture is a perfect haven for winter-related scenery too, so everything looks so quaint and adorable.. so cozy! These are just little flakes, but the trees, the houses, everything is completely coated.

Tomorrow night, the whole family is coming over for a big ol' pre-christmas feast! Josh just got home from Idaho last night, and now I'm here, so they all see it as a time for some family gathering and celebration, which makes me feel really great. It's so fun having a big family out here, and having them want to celebrate the fact that I'm visiting. Deborah just got engaged too, so I guess it's an Ashley's here / Josh's here / Deborah's engaged / Christmas bash. Oh well, either way, it makes me all warm and fuzzy witnessing the immense amounts of love that are in this side of my family.

It only makes me that much more excited for California!

My flight is on Monday, and I am praying to the almighty king of kings, lord of lords, thou who shall reign forever and ever, Jesus Christ, that my flight won't be delayed and/or canceled. I would be so upset! Hopefully this gorgeous snow storm will be nice to me. In the meantime, this three point five hours of sleep is catching up with me, and this is the perfect weather for a nice little nap.

xoxox, ash

instead of studying...

2008-12-15T15:13:00.007-05:00

i like my hat.

i got $80 for my books today, and i still have four more to return! sweet.

studying needs to start happening, probably now. see ya, kiddos.

hurr...

2008-12-14T16:56:00.004-05:00

and, on a different note... i'm. nervous. ahhh.

...

2008-12-13T09:04:00.005-05:00

three down, two to go... lord help me.

p.s. i dyed my hair again! dark brown with an auburn tint :) the failure of the blonde made me change direction. pictures will come soon...

i have never laughed so hard...

2008-12-11T12:02:00.003-05:00

...as i did when i first laid eyes on this photograph.

Help!

2008-12-09T13:07:00.007-05:00

i'm in quite a predicament.. Here's my story: You see, I wanted something very much for quite a while but was told I would never be able to have it. Just last night, though, it was brought to my attention that I could very well have it. I should be stoked, right? For some reason, I don't know how I feel about the situation. I should be ecstatic, jumping for joy, running through the streets, singing christmas carols in public, but... I'm not! I mean, I am, but I can't identify my exact feelings on the situation. I'm partially worried that the gap between rejection and availability was too long, and I no longer feel the same excitement towards the situation. At the same time though, why pass up something that I invested so much of my time, energy, and emotions into.. What's a girl to do?!

also, i think i am quite stressed out right now, but i tend to suppress my stressful emotions and go along with life without facing it straight on. Usually i catch a cold, but this time I haven't been eating. Hmm.. 13 days!

hallelujah!

2008-12-06T20:40:00.004-05:00

- i sold my car !! i got much less than my asking price, but it's finally no longer mine, and i can breathe again.. fweww.
- sonoma is in 16 days! oh, i absolutely cannot wait.
- i love my job.
- twilight is amazing, and i'm buying myself the second book to read on the plane. don't judge me ;)
- "winter song" by sara bareilles and ingrid michaelson is my new obsession. SO CUTE!
- the chamber singing concert is monday at old south church in copley square, BUT due to subway reconstruction, the church developed huge cracks in the walls and ceiling. rumor has it that it's alright to occupy, but now we can't use the organ, which SUCKS because we're singing the messiah (hallelujah! hallelujah!) and the organ is pretty crucial. oh well.
- i am going to be very very busy these next couple of weeks.

xoxox!

the hammer hit the nail directly on the head.

2008-12-04T00:58:00.003-05:00

courtesy of colorquiz.com...

I am:

-Easily affected by her environment and readily moved by the emotions of others. Seeks congenial relationships and an occupation which will promote them

-Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her. as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others.

-Believes that she is not receiving her share--that she is neither properly understood nor adequately appreciated. Feels that she is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave her without any sense of emotional involvement.
Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

-Feels that things stand in her way, that circumstances are forcing her to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.

-Needs to feel identified with someone or something and wishes to win support by her charm and amiability. Sentimental and yearns for a romantic tenderness.

-Has a fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants. This leads her to employ great personal charm in her dealings with others, hoping that this will make it easier for her to reach her objectives.

-Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics she admires and to display originality in her own personality.

p.s. i met a boy! yee!!!

sigur ros, please.

2008-11-26T22:50:00.006-05:00

i love family and the holiday season. my dad and i drove to syracuse yesterday to visit my uncle tod and his family, and i can't even believe how much i missed them. tod and phyllis are so hospitable and loving, it's fantastic :) snowflakes were falling last night that had the same diameter as an orange, no joke. it was insanity!

my creative writing professor played this song for us on tuesday for a writing prompt, and i literally started crying in class. it's just so beautiful and emotional, i couldn't contain myself! is that silly? anyway, have a listen.. you'll want to save the world, just like i did.

wanna hear a story?

2008-11-23T12:13:00.004-05:00

this morning, i was awoken by a text message from my dad asking me if i was awake (which i wasn't planning on being at 7 AM on a sunday...) but I decided not to write him back until I was really awake. I thought though, how weird that dad is awake at 4 AM asking if I was awake too... right? I figured it was a mistake or delayed text though, but five minutes later, right as i was falling back asleep, he wrote me a message that said "it's a beautifa day" (inside family joke...) and i was like, what is he talking about? It can't be a beautiful day at 4 AM! maybe he's sending these on accident. So, right as I was writing him back, asking if he was intentionally sending me these random texts, he called! what the fuck? i thought.

panicked, i answered, "hello? dad? are you alright?"
"hey ash, i'm fine, yeah, don't worry. say, what floor are you on?"
"second. why?"
"look outside."
i figured he had a case of insomnia and decided to check the weather in boston and found it had snowed overnight. looking outside, i said, "dad, it's not snowi- you have to be kidding me. are you kidding me right now?!"
"hahahah, it's freezing. let me in!"

my incredible father was standing there, in the parking lot of harbor point, and SURPRISED ME!!!! i obviously burst into tears and ran downstairs to let him in.

----

now, we're sitting in the apartment, and i'm in utter shock. my whole family knew about this and didn't tell me! mom, claire, uncle tod, EVERYONE. this couldn't have come at a more perfect time, considering my overwhelming homesickness. i just love my family so unbelievably much, it's indescribable. he's staying all week too! oh my god, i love my life.

11.19

2008-11-17T14:19:00.005-05:00

i hate when people misspell words on purpose, ie "tha" instead of "the" or "kool" instead of "cool." you aren't saving any letters, and you look illiterate. sheesh.

today was the first day it has been truly, honestly, miserably cold. i nearly started running home from class, it was so bitter. here we go, new england winter!

a guy came to buy my car yesterday but decided to "pass." I was thinking about it today, and I'm afraid no one will want to buy a little sedan right before winter, unless they're either 1. desperate for a vehicle, or 2. looking for a winter project car. The car isn't even that horrible, but it isn't perfect. i just want to get rid of it, already!!

xoxox.

put me down, life!

2008-11-14T14:41:00.007-05:00

i feel lost right now, and i don't think i'm okay with it. maybe it's stress, or boredom, or anxiety, or depression... i really don't know, and it makes me feel very vulnerable. never in my life have i been unhappy with school, but right now, there is nothing i would rather abandon. this new job of mine hasn't turned out to be as promising or secure as i had hoped, and this financial uncertainty is taking a huge toll on my mental stability. this job has made me realize that i do NOT handle stressful situations very well. nothing feels right anymore, and it makes me wonder if i'm in the wrong place, if boston isn't where i'm supposed to be.

i miss laughing with my sisters. the comfort of my mom's hugs. going on crazy adventures with my dad. cozying up in my big fluffy bed. riding my bike to the basque. singing with cat. five weeks and i'm home! oooh, i never thought sonoma would sound so good...