200 Greenwich Street

Being in New York on September 11, I figured it would only be appropriate to go down to Ground Zero, look around, pay my respects... Never in my life have I been more emotionally stirred. I've always had an affinity for firemen; I find them to be among the most admirable, phenomenal people on this planet. It's making me choked up just thinking about it!

The past few days have been absolutely gorgeous, with plenty of sun, little humidity, a slight breeze.. yesterday, however, was dreadful. As cliche as it sounds, I declared that New York was crying yesterday. The entire city felt tranquil, especially near the site, and the second I walked up out of the subway, my emotions were on high sensitivity mode. I walked along the entire outline of the site, giving and receiving sad smiles and hellos, observing the hundreds of different colored roses and notes and letters that had been stuck through the fence, until I finally made it around to the WTC Visitor's Center. It had closed already, but right next door was a firehouse, which looked like it was only for viewing purposes, but it could have been active.. I'm not so sure. There were a couple engines in there, a whole bunch of quite attractive firemen (especially one named "Burns", which may or may not be ironic.. I liked him though :) hehe) They were posing for pictures, standing in front of a gorgeous motorcycle with 9/11 insignia on the sides. Down the side of this building, there is a giant memorial plaque which read "DEDICATED TO THOSE WHO FELL AND THOSE WHO CARRY ON... WE WILL NEVER FORGET" At this point, my eyes had been filled with tears for a good ten minutes; as I was observing this wall, though, someone yelled, "Make way! Make way!" It ended up being a captain who was trying to clear a path for the changing of the guards at this wall. As the three men slowly marched past me, I completely lost all control. The tears that had been resting in my eyes began spilling out, and there was nothing I could do to stop them.
These men, so regal and noble, had witnessed such an enormous tragedy, lost friends, comrades, and willingly worked themselves past exhaustion in order to find hope in the most heartbreaking event of their lives. And here they were, still standing, right in front of me, on the eighth anniversary of that horrible Tuesday morning.
After attempting to compose myself, and realizing that this was the one day that I decided to wear regular mascara, as opposed to the waterproof that usually coats my lashes, I wandered around for a while longer. On the opposite side of the street that the plaque was on, there was a giant poster that had the name of every person who had been killed written on it. People were able to write on it, so I spent quite a while reading the different tributes and messages that people had left. One fireman walked up to the wall with a friend and pointed to a picture of a beautiful young woman, told this man that she was his daughter, and explained to him her story. It was so heart-rending! Just as I was about to leave, two things happened: First, I caught sight of the previously mentioned attractive fireman named Burns, so I casually ventured over to where he was. As I was venturing, I noticed a bunch of men with bagpipes start to congregate in the street and start warming up. Score! I had to stay for that, obviously. They warmed up for a good half-hour or so, and I am so thankful that I stayed. They played a few songs, many of which I didn't recognize as anything in particular, but the follow two videos were just amazing to witness.

I wasn't able to get a video of this final ceremonial event, but after the men played, they all broke out into this pub-like chant, apparently titled "The Wild Rover (No Nay Never)" which then made me cry happy tears, just in admiration at the camaraderie that these men share. As they were singing, a few older firemen came up alongside, drinking beer, singing along, and they threw their arms over my shoulders and forced me to kind of sway along to the music. After the song was over, all twenty or so of them wanted to get their picture taken, so I became the official photographer for one of the Harlem firestations. Yes please! After taking a couple of their pictures, it was necessary that I get in the pictures too, apparently, so there are a couple with me in middle of them. We all introduced ourselves, chatted for a while, and they LOVED me! I'm not saying that in an arrogant way either, I'm serious. To every person who walked up, they'd yell, "HEY! Did you meet Ashley yet? She's Irish! She's new to New York!" They were all so friendly and nice, and they were appalled that I was down there alone. "You are NOT spending September 11 on your own. You're coming with us!" they said to me, so before I knew it, I was walking arm in arm with another very cute fireman named Noah, directly into a "pissing rain" on our way to catch a cab to go bar-hopping in Alphabet City, Little Italy, and Chinatown. So there I was, laying across the laps of three huge New York firefighters in the back of a cab, exchanging "Where were you when the Towers were hit?" stories.. It was unreal. Their stories were like something you would expect to read in a memoir, and it completely overwhelmed me to be in the company of these brave, noble men who were literally right there when everything happened. We ended up at some random tenement in Chinatown first, and as these guys were guiding me up this sketchy staircase, I wondered if my attempt at being spontaneous had backfired, and I was about to be murdered; however, as we walked through the front door of this apartment, my brief worries completely disappeared. Here we were in the home of these two people who throw a private party every year for any and all firefighters and their friends. Let me tell you, this was a complete insider, invitation only, private party. SO AWESOME! We all just hung out, swapped stories, drank, played pool, ate food... It was unbelievable. I still can't believe it happened. I ended up chatting with a couple of Navy boys for a while, all of whom were Southern, 22 years old, married, with children already. One of them told me that it was his dream to come to New York and recreate the classic Times Square kiss from World War Two, so I gladly volunteered to fulfill that wish :) Why not, right? I ended up getting home around 2 AM, pinching myself the entire way to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I still cannot believe I spent September 11 with hundreds of New York firefighters.. That's a dream come true, not just for me but for anyone, I would imagine! It was amazing.

for good.

Although I have never been religious or believed in a particular Higher Power, I have always believed in destiny and fate. It is phenomenal to observe the way life plays out, who we meet, where we end up going, and what we end up doing. People come into our lives, and we are presented with circumstances that appear to be nothing short of miraculous. Events occur that are very often unexplainable, and it brings up a single question: Why? Why was I given the chance to do this? Why did I encounter this person? Why didn't I end up in, let's say, Los Angeles and not New York and Boston? I like to tell myself that we're never in the wrong place, with the wrong people, or doing the wrong thing, because in one way or another, the adventures and situations that we immerse ourselves in are serving a purpose in the greater picture of our lives. Sometimes the situations are challenging, the people are difficult, and the places are lonely, but in the long run, it are these challenges and these miracles that complete our destinies. When I was in high school, I would often sing a duet with my best friend, and the lyrics match this idea perfectly: "I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are lead to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return..."


Who we encounter and why we encounter them is fascinating in itself. Allow me to give you an example:

As I was riding down the bike path, a scruffy looking young man pulled up alongside me and asked me for directions to the library. We chatted for a little while, and soon enough I found out that he was a British recent college graduate, just finishing a cross-country bike ride. He found himself on the West Coast three weeks ahead of schedule, so he didn't research the housing options he had out here very well. Unfortunately for him, there is no camping in Sonoma, so I was suggesting he ride up into the hills and find a small plot of land to pitch his tent for the evening; however, just as I was making this suggestion, my dad rode up on his bike. The three of us chatted for a bit, when my dad offered for the young British boy to stay at our house. My dad had gone on a cross-country bike ride when he was in his twenties, and he has been waiting twenty-something years to return all of the favors that he was given. On top of it all, it was a Tuesday, which means Farmer's Market was happening later that evening, which means that it was the most perfect day to be in Sonoma.

Ben, the British boy, rode home with me, showered, pitched his little tent in the backyard, and ventured down to Farmer's Market with us, where he was able to really experience and observe the perfect evening in the small Wine Country town. Here is where I began to wonder why.. Why, out of all of the people in this small town, was I the person this boy decided to ask for information? I don't want to praise myself or anything, but he couldn't have found a more perfect person to ask; I grew up in town, so I know pretty much everything about it, my dad is an avid cyclist, so as far as chatting with someone who knows what you've been going through and experiencing, he couldn't have found a more perfect family. I just thought it was so amazing that I had been back in Sonoma for a mere sixteen or so hours and was immediately faced with this unfamiliar, interesting person. What about me gave him the idea that I would have been able to give him the information that he needed? As far as he was concerned, I could have been a random tourist who had rented a cute little bike for cruising around town. And for Ben's sake alone, why did he decide to come to Sonoma on a Tuesday? What if he had showed up the day before and missed out on such a lovely, hometown evening? I'm sure his life would have gone along flawlessly had he not come into town on a Tuesday evening, but it was an evening that wouldn't have otherwise been a part of the bigger story of his trip.

Last Winter, I became quite fascinated with Chris McCandless, aka Alexander Supertramp, aka the young man who gave away everything he owned, hitch-hiked around the US for a good two years, working his way up to Alaska, where he ended up dying in a small bus in the Alaskan wilderness. The book "Into the Wild" was written about his story back in the mid-90's, and ten years later, Sean Penn directed a movie about this young man. Ben vaguely reminded me of Chris McCandless, in the way that he interacted with our family. He was educated, beyond polite, lived very minimally, and was very vague about his own life. After reading about the different ways that both Chris McCandless and the people he had encountered were influenced by his travels, it made me feel honored to be able to be a part of this Chris McCandless-like experience. I would like to think that this twelve hour encounter somehow boosted our karma points, although dwelling on it may oppose the idea of a selfless good deed... Hmm... Either way, I hope Ben's travels end up being fantastic, and I hope that he never forgets us!

....

My trip home was delightful. It was a fairly non-stop trip, but I felt very relaxed the whole time, which I really love. Monday night, after my dad picked me up at the airport, we met my mom and Claire at Yu Shang for a delicious sushi dinner. Tuesday I went to visit Bethany, saw some friends, and had the Ben encounter (Bencounter?) Anyway, of course I saw every person I have ever met in my lifetime at Farmer's Market that night, which was fun, especially after spending the entire month of August alone. Wednesday and Thursday kind of blur together, but I know they must have consisted of a lot of bike riding, big hugs, and catching up with old friends. Sierra and I went to the beach all day on Friday and just talked and talked and talked, so much so that it was suddenly four o'clock and both of us were burnt to an absolute crisp (something neither of us fully realized until we were back in Sonoma. Ouch!) We had a really nice dinner at the Red Grape, and I swear to god we never stopped talking. It was so nice! That night, a big group of us went to a fun hookah bar on Haight Street, ate food, chatted... I'd never been to a hookah bar before and had only smoked from a hookah one time, but I had an absolute blast!

*Quick note: We're flying over Utah right now, and The Great Salt Lake is deep red in color, much like rust, with a white shoreline. How bizarre! I wonder if it looks like that when you're standing in front of it, not just from a bird's eye view...

Claire's birthday was on Saturday, so we spent all day in the city. We had a huge Dim Sum lunch in the Sunset District, and afterwards, my mom, Claire, and I went shopping at the Stonestown Mall. Oh, the thrill of new undergarments :) It was lovely being able to have some Anderson girl time, although Erika wasn't able to make it up there. (WE MISSED YOU SISTER! We understand though, you're a busy woman!) After we got home, Claire went out with some of her friends, so I packed and did some laundry before dad and I had a nice pasta dinner. I drove around, said my goodbyes to everyone, and woke up this morning at four AM to get to Oakland by six! My mom and I were hoping to have breakfast with a friend, but it didn't work out. But now, here I am, 36,000 feet in the air, about to actually begin my life in New York City. When the man at the ticket counter asked where I was going, I accidentally told him that I was going to Boston, so I had to correct myself. It's still going to take some getting used to, apparently.

SO EXCITED!

There's something about the anticipation of home and coziness and family and friends and big hugs that makes the heart flutter.

Furthermore, he never ceases to amaze me. LOVE this guy :)

why i love new york, parts two and three and four.

the second reason i love new york is because the subway runs 'round the clock. PLUS, i can take five different trains home - not just one! so when i got home around 1:30 AM after a fabulous dinner in little italy the other night, i didn't have to worry about not being able to get back to brooklyn, or cutting the night short because i had to make the last train. SO cool.

the third reason i love new york is because of all of the lights. this city is so alive.. i walked through times square the other evening well after midnight, and from my streetview, it could have been seven o'clock in the evening, it was so bright! not only that, but there were still bunches and bunches of people walking around, dodging and weaving through the crowd. "the city that never sleeps..."

the fourth reason i love new york is because of its majesty. from the countless number of songs written about this glorious city, to the dreams of young stage actors singing on broadway, to the hopes of the fashionistas wishing to have their clothing showcased at fashion week, to the tourists who cannot wait to catch a glimpse of the statue of liberty, walk on ellis island, catch a show or a game at madison square garden, mosey through central park, or to the young romantics hoping to fall in love... this city holds so much potential and possibility.

why i love new york, part one.

The first reason why I love new york is because of its layout. What are you talking about, ashley? you ask? It's simple! I love that new york is built on a grid system and that the streets are numbered. This trait seems obvious and unimportant, but believe me, numbers are phenomenal. Between Boston and San Francisco, both of which are incredible cities too, the street names give no sense of direction or position unless a person has previous knowledge of the city and its layout. Numbers, on the other hand, make it simple for everyone!

For instance, if you're in manhattan and you find yourself on the corner of 27th and 5th yet you're supposed to be at 14th and 6th, you know immediately that you're 13 blocks up and 1 block over from where you need to be; however, if you're in boston on the corner of newbury and mass ave, yet you're supposed to be on boylston and mass ave, how are you supposed to know which direction to head in order to be where you need to be? You may not know that the two streets are just a block away from each other, and the panic attack you experience while believing you are lost in boston is entirely unnecessary.

(I may not be very good at math, but I've always loved numbers, looked for patterns and relationships between them.. Nerd alert, I know, but I can't help it!) It's so easy to navigate and nearly impossible to get lost here. For someone who's brand new to such a big place, not once have I walked down the streets of manhattan and felt invisible or overwhelmed by the city's enormity. New York just makes sense!

you and me together could do anything...

I believe it's time for an update! it's been, what, two weeks? SO much has happened, I don't know if I'll be able to remember everything!

For starters, we're all settled into our new apartment! By we're, I mean Isamu (my new roommate) and I, but really it's just me here until the end of the month. It was quite the headache and panic attack to get this place, lemme tell you.. The realtor ended up being heinous, we thought for a moment that we were dealing with Middle Eastern religious affairs and scam artists, our rent was raised last minute.. It doesn't sound that bad, but I definitely sobbed in CitiBank trying to cancel payment on my $2,100 worth of checks. It was bad. But Isamu and his mom came, dealt with the demon realtor, and now here I am :) I'm actually quite proud of myself for how this apartment has come together. It's pretty small, so there isn't much space to furnish, but it has some definite potential. We haven't put together a living room yet, but that will come eventually. Slowly but surely!

Jennelle, AJ, and Dan planned on meeting up with this random stranger they met one night at Jillian's the Saturday after I moved in, and this stranger was in Baltimore, so they swung by here on their way. I was so glad someone was able to see it, despite it being unfurnished and messy. On August 2nd, I met Erika at Kennedy Airport, and she stayed with me for almost an entire week! I've been bugging her to come visit me for two years, and she finally came. She always said that she wanted to gogogo, non-stop fun and adventuring, and I'm glad to say that we did just that. Her first night here we stayed close to home and relaxed, because Monday we were out of the house for a good 14 hours! We got a one-day pass for the subway and adventured our way all over Manhattan. Wall Street, World Trade Center, Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island (just the view, not the tour), Carnegie Deli pastrami sandwiches, lunch in Central Park, shopping on Fifth Avenue, a run-in with two girls we went to high school with (SO cool!), Grand Central Station, and then dinner and a movie in Bryant Park! It was amazingly gorgeous weather too, thank god. (Erika never got a chance to feel the disgusting humidity or summer thunderstorms :( ) The journey home was especially funny.. Erika had to pee so badly that she wasn't even speaking to me. I made some sort of joke on the subway, and she looked at me and said, with a completely serious tone, "Ashley, seriously, I'm fucking pissed," to which I replied, "No pun intended..." and we almost lost it. Thankfully there was no wetting of the shorts, or peeing on my stairs, both of which were threatened. What a fun day :)










Tuesday morning, we left the house at 7 AM to catch the bus to Boston, where we connected to a train to Providence, and then caught another bus to Newport to visit Gordon and Joan. It was so nice! We didn't get to Newport until 4:30, so that was a long day of traveling, but it is always great to see them. After a beautiful walk by the shore, we spent the evening at their house, drinking wine, eating a wonderful dinner, and catching up on our lives. Erika hadn't seen them in... six years, was it? Wednesday, Erika, Gordon, and I spent the afternoon on the boat. The last time I sailed, I got seasick, so I spent the entire day on the bow while Erika and Gordon chatted. I know I hadn't seen them in a while either, but I thought it would be nice for just the two of them to be able to talk for a while. When we got home, Greg came over for a visit, and over the course of the evening, my skin changed to a deep red so quickly, you could see it change. SO BAD! Anyway, we had a really nice dinner, just chatting and laughing, which I think was good for Greg. Ahh, that family is so fun.







We had to leave Newport around 10 AM to make it back to Boston in time for BLINK-182! We got to Jennelle and Kate's apartment around 1:30, got picked up by AJ and Lucas around 4, and headed off! I can't truly describe what seeing Blink-182 was like, but in short, it was breathtaking. They we one of the first bands that not only became popular when I was conscious of music, but I absolutely loved them. I actually bought "Enema of the State" when I was about eleven years old, and my dad made me return it because of the "Parental Advisory" sticker on the front, and the plethora of swear words, but my love for them (especially bassist Mark Hoppus) never faltered. It was so fun! So fun. Friday was spent wandering around Boston, from The Common, to Chinatown for Dim-Sum, the Public Gardens, Newbury Street, Copley Square, Fenway Park, Jillian's for some bowling, Quincy Market for lunch and street performers, the North End for Mike's Pastries, the Seaport for MJ O'Connor's, and finally Central Square for another concert! We didn't actually get to see who we wanted to perform, but it was fun nevertheless. Then we went back to Jennelle and Kate's, drank some Stella Artois, and went to bed! Erika had to go to the airport in the morning, so we were up bright and early again. I hated saying goodbye.. It was so nice to have my sister, my best friend out here with me and be able to see where I've been living my life for the past two years. It's one thing explaining and describing everything, but to be able to see it herself meant a lot to me. I know she said she had a great time, and I don't doubt that she did, but I really hope she is able to understand why I don't mind living here. I'm just so excited for her, I can't even stand it!







the tear-jerking video erika made :)



I stayed in Boston for an extra couple of days after Erika left, since I really didn't have too much of a deadline in New York and I really didn't want to leave my friends, but I'm back now. I went Bed Bath and Beyond crazy yesterday, bought a few little things for the apartment, got some groceries... I don't know how I'll be in a couple of weeks, starved of close personal interaction and familiarity, but for now I'm doing okay :) Music is always playing, so I always have some company. I realized yesterday that my fan has become a sort of pet to me too. He keeps me cool, sits and stares at me, follows me around the apartment (because I take him with me...) How insane do I sound?! Well, it really takes a lot of work to furnish a home. I'm just taking it day by day, scanning Craigslist for some deals, venturing off into the city to people-watch and see if I can find any knick-knacks and things. It's been fun! I can't wait until Isamu comes back though, so I can have some company here. Watching this apartment transform from a skeleton to a cozy home is something I wish I could share with somebody, especially since it's not just mine, you know? He's going to be able to see how much it's changed since he was last here, but it's not the same as witnessing the entire process. Oh well, it is what it is :)

memories in music.

"How Bizarre" by OMC
When this mid-90's tune hits my ears, all I see is my mom's little white Toyota (again, hahah) driving down Arnold Drive through the SDC. It's usually either Spring or Fall in my memory, the air is fresh and temperate, and those incredible trees are either full of gorgeous green leaves, or the array of multicolored leaves have half fallen on the road. I am about seven or eight years old in my mind, wondering what "bizarre" means, and curious as to which parts of this song are actually bizarre. (It's funny to me that Erika hears this song and thinks of driving around with our babysitter.. I never made that association!)

"Right Moves" by Josh Ritter
Given this man is the one current artist that I never have and never will get tired of, it was difficult to choose one of his songs that stands out the most for me. This particular song is so uplifting, so exhilarating, mixing rock instruments, string instruments, horns, a simple melody, and an immense amount of enthusiasm. The line that follows the instrumental sings "I heard the night birds picking up their song, you threw your hair back and you sang along..." and I cannot hear that line without feeling giddy! The instrumental has such a strong build up, and by the time Josh comes back in, there is so much momentum and energy, it's difficult not to get excited. At his concert with the Boston Pops, I could have sworn that he smiled at me during that line too :)

"Playground Love" by Air
High school, mary jane, driving down Arnold Drive near Leveroni Road, my infatuation with a certain co-worker... This song has such a relaxing tone, it's difficult not to close your eyes and just sway to the beat. I know this was on the "Virgin Suicides" soundtrack, but sometimes I can picture this playing along to a sped-up film of a road.. a time lapse of sorts.. driving down a two-lane, foggy road, lined with redwood trees...

"Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
I saw their film "ONCE" just before I moved to Boston and absolutely fell in love with it and the soundtrack. When I first moved here, I was so full of excitement, newfound independence, and hope for love, and this song was especially prevalent in my life. The lyrics are simple yet relatable, and the harmony is one that can easily get the tears flowing. I picture myself sitting on the 77 up Mass Ave. in Arlington, staring at my cute bus driver, anticipating the chilly Northeastern air outside on my walk up to the house where I babysat, trying not to slip on the icy brick sidewalks.

"My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
Anyone who was a preteen when this song came out knows why it made my memory list. I think I speak for every girl when I say that Jack Dawson was our first love, and I don't think any further explanation is necessary.

"Ladies and Gentlemen" by Saliva
Knowing me, this song is quite out of character, but allow me to explain. Jennelle moved into our apartment in September, and that fall, this song was part of some video game commercial that played every so often, and I loved it! I thought it was stupid to like a song that was part of a video game, so I never said anything. I was so intimidated by Jennelle's love of Metallica, System of a Down, and WBCN, her accent, and her humor, and I was convinced that I was too much of a goody-goody to be friends with someone so "hardcore" (I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but I'm serious!) Anyway, the video game commercial came on, and I quietly said, "I know this is lame, but I really like this song," and Jennelle was like, "Me too! I didn't want to say anything though!" "OMG me either!" I probably responded, and from then on, I was no longer intimidated by Jennelle. The cool girl and I had something in common, and I was set!

"Sensitive" by Jewel
This song radiates everything that is my incredible twin sister. As an innocent first grader, Erika heard this song and decided it was her favorite. Her distinctive round handwriting is in the front of our Dunbar yearbook, establishing this as her favorite song and Anabelle as her best friend. Listening to it now, I cannot help but cry. Erika has always been so wise beyond her years, so thoughtful and so intelligent, and I don't think she's ever gotten enough credit for it. For a six year old to hear this song and relate to it is phenomenal, and I can guarantee you she knew the deep meanings of what Jewel had written... "You always tell me that it's impossible to be respected and be a girl" ... I can just hear that little girl declaring that she was not going to let that happen in her life. She has always had such a sure sense of herself, her life, her morals and goals, and I admire her more than words can express.

"Time After Time" by Ella Fitzgerald
I don't know if Ella was the first to sing this, but her version is definitely one of my favorites. This song was number six on my list of songs to record for my senior project, and I only ended up recording five. Before I die, I am promising myself that I'm going to perform this on some occasion, be it in a studio, in a club somewhere (with my new roommate?! haha), who knows. I have a plan for this song too, but I don't want to write it anywhere and spoil the surprise, but hopefully within the next five or so years, my plan can be put into action! Such a beautiful love song.

"Marry You" by Eric Clapton and BB King
When this album came out, my uncle bought it for every single person he knew, trying to spread the glory that is the two of these great musicians collaborating. This was roughly around the time that my uncle and Phyllis had fallen in love, and I know that he probably thinks of her when he hears this song. It's a great song as it is, but knowing that it was the anthem of two incredible people falling in love with one another makes it all the more beautiful to me.

"Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison
One of the greatest songs of all time, hands down. I don't know if Hunter and I ever declared this as our song, but I will always think of him when I hear it. The soft guitar in the beginning, the simple verses, and the climactic chorus makes the heart beat much stronger.

"Pride and Joy" by Stevie Ray Vaughan
All I see is Highway 37, just past Sears Point, windows down, summertime, SRV blasting over the speakers, my dad playing seatbelt guitar like it's his job. He's so good! If I was driving, he'd have to listen to some Jimi (since Jimi was a lefty), but otherwise it was all about Stevie Ray Vaughan. Oh my god, I'm cracking up.. My dad is so cool! I can just see him biting his lower lip, squinting his eyes, and rocking out on his seatbelt with such devotion and power, you'd think he was a rockstar in his past life. Maybe he's where I get my musical talent! We'd take these random trips down to Marin, either to go hiking, see my grandparents, discover some new independent bike store, or just to go on an adventure for no reason.

"Feel it Now" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
"I'm on my own I'm sure I'll know it now, I'm on my own I'm sure I'll feel it now..." was the line I listened to over and over again in my homesickness. The song is comprised of a simple piano melody and a hauntingly beautiful harmony. A guitar comes in halfway through the song, but other than that, it is simple and enchanting.

"Somewhere Over The Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
Where do I even begin my admiration for this rendition?! Not only is his voice one of the most soothing voices that has ever graced my ears, he combined two of the most amazing songs into such a emotion medley. It does bother me that the lyrics of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" are not exactly what Judy Garland had originally sung, but I digress. "What a Wonderful World" was my Granny's favorite song, and while I will always cry at Louis' version, the second Israel starts singing, I cannot help but get a little weepy.

"The Way" by Fastball
I hope my mom remembers this moment, because it was what made me terrified of singing in public throughout my childhood. Let me tell a quick story before I explain the memory: When I was a little girl, I went through a phase where I wasn't that big of a fan of school, so I would pretend to be sick just to be able to stay home all day and watch music videos on VH1. All of the cool music played on MTV, but I preferred VH1 for some reason. Anyway, during this time, I was introduced to this band, Fastball. "The Way" was their new song, the music video was adventurous and cool, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to hear it whenever I wanted. Anyway, we were at Tower Records one day, and I went straight for the personal listening station, put on the headphones, and turned on this song as loud as I could. I was ecstatic, singing, dancing in place.. I looked over at my mom to share my thrill with someone, only to be greeted with the stares of every person in the store. My mom came running over, mortified, to let me know that I had been singing loudly off-key, and everyone in the store had heard me. SO embarrassing, right?! Ugh, I was humiliated. Thank god I was a kid so I could get away with it, but to this day, I will never forget standing in Tower, wearing my cream colored dress with purple flowers and my Tevas, rocking out to this song.

"Mardi Gras Fever" by Gatorbeat
You cannot grow up in Sonoma without being a fan of Gatorbeat. Every one of their songs has the ability to make even the shyest person get up and dance (me, for instance), but this song is what I think of when I think of them. We would travel around Northern California going to crawdad festivals, oceanside shows, hanging out with Richie's kids, dancing with beads around our necks, friendship necklaces, and being carefree hippy kids. The Domingue family is so loving and so incredibly optimistic, and I feel so honored to be able to know them personally. Gatorbeat's music epitomizes my childhood, and I LOVE IT!

"Nessun Dorma" by Luciano Pavarotti
There is no other way to play this song other than loudly and surrounded by the sound from all angles. It is such a passionate, climactic song, guaranteed to get the tears flowing if the timing is right and the emotions are vulnerable. Manowar did a rendition of this song (my knowledge of this is what got the head chef at my restaurant to think I was cool!) I personally do not think that anyone can top Pavarotti. He made this song as epic and definitive as could have been possible. Amazing!

"The Sea" by Morcheeba
I love my mom so much. My whole life, she has stressed the importance of the ocean in our life, taught us to trust how sacred it is, how to care about it as a way of healing, therapy, and stress reducer. We would hop in The Van, boogie boards in the back, surf board tied to the top of the car (stopping every fifteen minutes to try to get rid of the whistling the straps had created.. SO FUNNY!) We would make our way to Doran, Salmon Creek, or Bolinas, our little picnic basket filled with chips, salsa, homemade chicken salad, and a various piece of fruit. There is one stretch of road that winds its way through the hills right before the beaches appear, and that's what I think of when I hear this song.. I can picture our van cruising down the mountains, S-curving every which way, until finally the ocean became visible over the horizon.

"Fix Up, Look Sharp" by Dizzee Rascal
While we were working on Pippin, there was an orgy scene that we had to rewrite in order to make the show PG, and Cat had the brilliant idea of having a dance off instead. In order to inspire us and show us what she had in mind, we spent one rehearsal watching "RiZe", a documentary about the dance style "krumping" and its history in LA. This song was one of the main songs they danced to, so as a warm up, we would play this, stand in a circle, and just dance. We had to close our eyes and just let the music and the beat take ahold of our bodies and just let go. Every person had to go in the middle of the circle and dance by themselves, and I credit my ability to dance in public to this process. I still have very little rhythm, but this song always makes me want to dance.

"Take Five" by The Dave Brubeck Quartet
What an incredible piece of music, huh? Sometimes it reminds me of the old Chips Ahoy commercials, other times it reminds me of "Pleasantville", but mostly I think of Bethany and I going on adventures. We made a CD of all of the fantastic driving songs we could think of, and this was number one. The strongest memory I have with this song is that unbelievably long tunnel in Sausalito, heading out towards that old fort and Rodeo Beach.. do you know the one? It goes through the mountain?

"She's Only Happy In The Sun" by Ben Harper
I listened to this song over and over again while Erika, Grandma, and I were in Bermuda. At that point, Erika had an iPod and I didn't, so when she wasn't looking or around, I would steal it and just play this song. I was beginning to enter a pretty difficult time in my life, personally, and Ben Harper's voice was more than soothing. Being in Bermuda, I thought this to be especially appropriate, and once I was back in Sonoma, in the middle of my difficult time, I would listen to this and remember how amazing it felt to be laying in the warm sunshine, stretched out on that floating dock in the middle of that warm water, watching the planes take off and land... It still makes me a little sad to listen to it, knowing it was the anthem of my upset, lonely fifteen-year-old self.

"Layla (unplugged)" by Eric Clapton
Before I could even read very well, I distinctly remember being in love with "number seven on the CD with the man wearing glasses playing the guitar on the cover." I remember sitting in the Baldry's cottage, finding this CD, and telling Rashell that she needed to hear number 7, and she would love it. Once I found out the name of the song, I told myself that I would name my daughter Layla as a tribute to my first favorite song. It's such beautiful rendition. I love when fast, loud songs are remade to be serene and beautiful, and Eric Clapton did a phenomenal job of doing so.

"Rocky Raccoon" by The Beatles
I cannot help but think of my dad when I hear this song. I don't know when exactly he had first informed us of the classic line: "Her name was McGill, and she called herself Lil, but everyone knew her as Nancy" but he always comes to my mind when it plays. There was one trip we went on to Yosemite, and I can't remember if we had played this song, but we talked about it the entire time. We were at a gift shop where they were selling little raccoon stuffed animals holding acorns, and all three of us insisted on having one. I think Claire claimed the name "Rocky" first, but we all ended up naming our raccoons Rocky. We hopped back into Granny and Grandpa's van, drove back to Sonoma, where we met them at Ranch House, and showed them our newest friends. I loved going on adventures with my Dad.

"Red House" by Jimi Hendrix
The first time I met Hunter was when some of the ETC kids had gone to Mary's Pizza Shack for dinner, and I was elected to drive someone. After dinner, the red-headed kid got to ride with me in my dad's truck, and when I turned on the car, this song came blaring over the speakers. We had all been chatting and laughing over dinner, so we were only acquaintances. As we pulled onto Highway 12 and Hunter rolled down his window and screamed "I LOVE THIS GIRL! I LOVE THIS GIRL!" to the pedestrians, you can bet I was more than mortified. Who was this kid? I love that memory.

"She's A Rainbow" by The Rolling Stones
Erika got to fly alone before me, and I was so jealous that she even had her own traveling music routine down. She told me that it was necessary that every time she landed and walked towards baggage claim, she would play this song on her iPod as she walked. She said it was nice to play something uplifting and familiar as her homecoming theme, and to this day, I do the same thing, in her honor I suppose. I travel by myself more often than she does now, but I always have this song playing as soon as I step off the plane.

"Idaho" by Josh Ritter
I know I already have a Josh Ritter song in this compilation, but being my favorite, he needs two songs. "Idaho" is the epitome of a peaceful, soulful tribute to one's home. Josh Ritter grew up in the small town of Moscow, immersed in the land, surrounded by peace and quiet. Listening to this song conveys his life in Idaho so precisely, I assume. He's an incredible song writer and musician who doesn't have to try hard to captivate his audience. I dragged Jennelle and Heather to his concert with the Pops, and although they were not huge fans, Jennelle asked me afterwards to play "the song about him singing with wolves or something," and for a while, she would only have to say, "Hey, could you play the song?" and I'd know what she was referring to. He's addicting!

"Winter Song" by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles
This song sounds like it's about love, but I interpret it as one about friendship. These two young women are astounding musicians, and they came together to write this adorable, serene song. It makes me think about my best friendships (Jennelle, Sierra, and Bethany), missing my sisters around the holidays, my family... I just think it's the sweetest tune, and it encompasses this past winter so strongly. This was another song that Jennelle would ask, "Could you play the song?" or "You thinking what I'm thinking?" and I'd just know that this song needed to be played.

"In My Place" by Coldplay
I fell in love the summer of 2005 when my dad, Erika, and I went to France to watch the Tour. We stayed in the French Alps, Alp d'Huez to be precise, with an Arizona-based cycling group. One of the leaders of the group was a French Canadian former rower named Pierrick, and it was love at first sight. Of course he was much too old for my brace-face, sixteen-year-old self, and he was newly happily married, but he was everything I knew I wanted in a man. I guess it was reassuring for me to see that amazing, kind, funny men DO exist, and he set the bar pretty high for my idea of a perfect companion. I was so smitten, it was painful! One afternoon while the guys were out riding, Erika and I rode around in the van with him, handing out water bottles and energy bars to struggling riders we saw along the way. Erika went off somewhere to take pictures, and Pierrick asked me if I liked Coldplay. I didn't really listen to them much at the time, but I was very enthusiastic with my "Yes!" in hopes of him falling in love with me too. In response to my answer, he began singing "In My Place", and I was done for. My heart was racing so quickly, I could hardly breathe! Naturally, this became my all-time favorite song after that, and when we left the Alps and headed towards Paris, I would listen to this constantly and sob. My heart ached so badly for love that summer, and what better place could I have found to test the potential of my young, untarnished love?

"Walking on Broken Glass" by Annie Lennox
Annie Lennox's voice is one of the best I've ever heard. As a kid, I wanted to be her so badly. I would listen to "Would I Lie To You?" and pretend like I was walking out on stage, "Keep Young and Beautiful" to practice my British accent, "Why" if I needed to get some tears out, and "Walking on Broken Glass" to work on my vocals. It sounds normal, but imagine a seven year old girl standing in the living room belting out Annie Lennox tunes. So cute! Anyway, despite my own history with this song, it will forever remind me of my amazing little sister. New Years Eve 1999/2000 (the Millennium), my parents had a big party with all of their friends. They had the idea of creating a mix tape of all of everyone's favorite songs from the last century, and each person had to choose a song and explain why they chose that particular song. My sisters and I were able to chose one song each, and Claire chose this one. She was eight years old at the time, although I remember her being much younger. Her reasoning was something along the lines of, "I chose this song because I really like walking on broken glass..." It was obvious that she was trying to be meaningful and insightful like the adults, but the way she worded it made her sound like she liked inflicting pain on herself. I think it was Joanie who pointed out the hilarity of what she had written, and Claire was so embarrassed! No one has ever let her live it down. It's just so precious, I can't even stand it.

let's get out of here...

i was recently formally introduced to this man by zach, and i am hooked... he's fantastic! i remember josh ritter touring with him a bit last year, but even still i didn't give him a fair enough listen; however, this song is now one of my new favorites, and watching him play it live is even more of an affirmation of his talent. he's an incredible musician, and so multi-faceted, it's very refreshing. ladies and gentlemen, this is andrew bird, singing "oh no" ... enjoy!

you make my heart sang!

i don't know why, but knowing this movie was created gives me chills. i can't wait!

HE'S BACK!

i cannot even begin to express my excitement.


(video courtesy of bige302 from the March 22 Charlotte, NC show)

i've been in a josh ritter mood lately, so maybe his music is in the air :) please check him out... he's a fantastic musician, the nicest man (he wrote "ooh la la..." on my poster from the boston pops show this summer, and then he told me i was beautiful :)) and he has the most incredible stage presence. yayay!

valentine's day

i hate that i have no motivation or new news to write about. Classes are going, work is going.. The weather has been beautiful, then ugly, then beautiful, then ugly once again. Valentine's Day is Saturday, and I have never felt so lonely. I'd rather not bore you with that though, so I won't! Instead, I'll leave you with a lovely video.. 'Tis the season, huh?

151.00

today was gnarly. i started classes at 8 o'clock, was out by two, and had to work from four till close (which is two AM...) i've been exhausted all day, but for some reason now that i'm home, i don't/can't fall asleep. a storm is coming our way, and i'm keeping my fingers crossed that classes will be canceled so this staying up late won't come back and bite me tomorrow.


one of the classes that i'm taking is "images of the body" and i am so excited for it. we have to choose an image for next class, and i chose this one by renoir:

tonight at work, i had this table of three little old ladies. one of them asked why i didn't have an accent, so i told her i was from sonoma. this cute little old woman shrieked aloud, telling me that she LOVES sonoma, is a member of the benziger winery club (which i didn't even know existed...) and she even guessed the crossroads of our neighborhood from my slight description! it was just the cutest thing.

it's kind of ironic that i would have such an encounter, because i've thinking very strongly about moving back.. i know i've written many ideas on here, and i very well may change my mind again, but it just seems like a wonderful moment of opportunity for me, kind of like moving back east in the first place was. it's not that i really miss home, or that i hate boston now; it's quite the opposite, actually. it really comes down to the yearning i have to be close to my family. two years away has been great, but it's really very difficult to be so inconveniently far away from them. it's very hard to put into words exactly what i mean, and because of that i don't talk about this very much out loud. i feel like a part of me is missing though, and it's beginning to ache a little bit.


i'm slightly ashamed to admit, even though my dad told me not to be, but i feel a little bit hypocritical. i was so adamant about moving away from sonoma, from california, succeeding in a new place, refusing to be one of those SVHS kids who ends up at the JC. even more so, i refused to be one of the kids who goes off their respective distant school, only to find themselves back in sonoma, taking classes at the JC, because they couldn't survive in their original destination. i don't want to make any justifications or excuses about why i am probably going to end up like my worst nightmare, but two years is quite a while to live somewhere else, especially straight out of high school.

pardon all of this talk.. i'll most likely end up writing an entry in the new few weeks that's declaring my undying love for boston, or jumping for joy at my acceptance to NYU or something, but in the meantime, all i crave is california.

xoxo, ashley

this evening has been so very nice...

i love sonoma! for some reason, it has felt so good to be home, more so this trip than any other. i haven't seen as many of my friends as i thought i would have by now, but hanging out with my family is fine enough for me :)

claire is incredible and so fun to hang out with.. i've missed her a lot, so it's just been really fantastic getting to hang out with her some more.

erika is absolutely stunning, so smart.. i'd forgotten, sort of, how majestic she is. we went on a bike ride/run the other morning, and even though we didn't say much, i loved being with her. that must sound so lame, but i can't really explain it, and i don't think it needs defending!

paaaarrrtaaaaay!

the girls and i hosted a little dinner party last night with all of our friends, and it ended up being so fantastic. we figured having a get together, making food, taking pictures, and all of that fun stuff would be better than just buying gifts for one another and trying to find the time to make the proper exchanges. i meant to make one of those cheesy announcements last night, but i never got the courage, i guess, to do so. i don't think the friends i've made out here really realize how much like family they are to me, which makes a little bit of sense, considering they're all locals and have their own families here. but with my real family so far away, i've created my own in my head with my friends, and i appreciated it so so much to have everyone together last night. i'm such a ham, but 'tis the season, right?

there's no place like home...

this is the heel-clicking stage of my departure home. it's early, which i don't mind too much because i have plenty of errands to run today. i think i'll leave for the airport around four, hoping to GOD (again) that the flights are on time by now. only roughly eighteen hours until i'm home!

i miss my sisters...

Help!

i'm in quite a predicament.. Here's my story: You see, I wanted something very much for quite a while but was told I would never be able to have it. Just last night, though, it was brought to my attention that I could very well have it. I should be stoked, right? For some reason, I don't know how I feel about the situation. I should be ecstatic, jumping for joy, running through the streets, singing christmas carols in public, but... I'm not! I mean, I am, but I can't identify my exact feelings on the situation. I'm partially worried that the gap between rejection and availability was too long, and I no longer feel the same excitement towards the situation. At the same time though, why pass up something that I invested so much of my time, energy, and emotions into.. What's a girl to do?!

also, i think i am quite stressed out right now, but i tend to suppress my stressful emotions and go along with life without facing it straight on. Usually i catch a cold, but this time I haven't been eating. Hmm.. 13 days!

wanna hear a story?

this morning, i was awoken by a text message from my dad asking me if i was awake (which i wasn't planning on being at 7 AM on a sunday...) but I decided not to write him back until I was really awake. I thought though, how weird that dad is awake at 4 AM asking if I was awake too... right? I figured it was a mistake or delayed text though, but five minutes later, right as i was falling back asleep, he wrote me a message that said "it's a beautifa day" (inside family joke...) and i was like, what is he talking about? It can't be a beautiful day at 4 AM! maybe he's sending these on accident. So, right as I was writing him back, asking if he was intentionally sending me these random texts, he called! what the fuck? i thought.

panicked, i answered, "hello? dad? are you alright?"
"hey ash, i'm fine, yeah, don't worry. say, what floor are you on?"
"second. why?"
"look outside."
i figured he had a case of insomnia and decided to check the weather in boston and found it had snowed overnight. looking outside, i said, "dad, it's not snowi- you have to be kidding me. are you kidding me right now?!"
"hahahah, it's freezing. let me in!"

my incredible father was standing there, in the parking lot of harbor point, and SURPRISED ME!!!! i obviously burst into tears and ran downstairs to let him in.

----

now, we're sitting in the apartment, and i'm in utter shock. my whole family knew about this and didn't tell me! mom, claire, uncle tod, EVERYONE. this couldn't have come at a more perfect time, considering my overwhelming homesickness. i just love my family so unbelievably much, it's indescribable. he's staying all week too! oh my god, i love my life.