more josh.

i'm beyond stoked that i've loved this guy for so many years and he's finally starting to get national recognition.

SO EXCITED!

There's something about the anticipation of home and coziness and family and friends and big hugs that makes the heart flutter.

Furthermore, he never ceases to amaze me. LOVE this guy :)

twenty-four little hours

i am a combination of:



and...



one more day! i am filled with an amount of excitement that i am unable to express to its fullest. yee!!

three eff's and some elle.

this week hasn't been as nuts as i was anticipating, or perhaps it was and i'm not focusing. last night i made a big shrimp pasta dinner for eight of my friends.. i cannot believe kate gosselin does that every night! it was pretty tough, but in the end, i was so happy. every single person liked everything i prepared! leah is visiting right now, so her and danielle came over and danielle took control of the shrimp for me (thank you!) but i loved having everyone together :)

half of us sat at the table and the other half sat on the couches, and i guess it was awkward, even though i didn't sense that at all. i assumed we were all just eating quietly, but that's my oblivious side talking i suppose. i guess i also forgot to introduce everyone to danielle and leah, and i had the hardest time falling asleep last night because of it. i don't know why i got so upset by it, but i thought i had done everything perfectly, cooked this huge dinner, made everyone comfortable and full, and i missed a step. i suppose one doesn't immediately know how to be a dinner party hostess... it was my first time, give me a break! i'm making one huge mental note about the whole introduction thing though, so i promise i won't forget next time. jesus.

yesterday and today combined showed me the two most difficult tests i have ever taken. yesterday's midterm was literally a situation where i looked at the exam and had absolutely no idea what was being asked of me. today's was equally as difficult, but i think i did alright on it. and, conveniently, both of those classes rely on exam scores, so let's keep our fingers crossed that i don't screw this one up.

i have to close at work tonight, and then tomorrow i'm going to the harvard natural history museum for my biological anthropology class.. i'm actually pretty excited! jennelle leaves for florida around 3, so i'm going to try to pack as much as i can for HOME! i have to work lunch saturday and sunday, and on sunday, i'm leaving for the airport right when i get out of work. sunday is going to be a nightmare, but i think i'll be okay. i have to leave my suitcases in the office downstairs, so i have to be ready to leave on saturday night. and then, 11:30 PM pacific standard time, i will be in california!

it just so happens that my uncle tod and phyllis are flying out today, and because of that, my grandma and uncle are coming to town, and my grandpa and his wife, and because of THAT, erika is spending the weekend in sonoma, so it's going to be a big butler family reunion. i cannot wait! i'm going to miss most of the festivities, considering they are happening this weekend, but it should be wonderful.

a couple of things.

firstly, i would like to apologize for my lack of writing. life gets busy! but, considering it's 2:30 AM, allow me to keep this short.

1. currently, it is snowing sideways, and because of this, all classes are canceled for tomorrow. yippee!

2. in exactly two weeks from this exact minute, i will be landing at the oakland airport. since my whole family will be in town, i'm hoping i'll have an entourage waiting for me at the gate this time! (hint hint) all of my trips home have either been secret or during rush hour, so my arrivals have never been celebrations (EXCEPT last christmas when erika, sierra, and max picked me up! that was lovely :D angelica bung?) i understand that 1130 PM on a sunday is a lot to ask, but it would be nice. i'm just sayin'..

3. i'm becoming more and more anxious for the chance to revamp things out here. it's pretty exciting.

4. you know how the eharmony commercials say you can view your matches for free? i decided to try it, just to see what kind of men i would be matched with. dream guys are out there! such a funny idea, that eharmony.com.


i have a bunch of school work to catch up on and finish tomorrow, so i'm extremely thankful for this lovely coating of wintry bliss. in the meantime, enjoy this :)



xoxo

4:14 AM

i awoke with a start at exactly 2:30 AM, according to my cell phone clock, and now it's 4:14 and i'm still wide awake. my ipod died about 45 minutes ago, and it's uncomfortably warm in my room, despite my two windows being open. ugh!


i watched "bottle shock" tonight (erika inspired me ;) ) and oh my god i miss those sonoma sunsets. if anyone back home who has never lived somewhere else is reading this, you have no idea how absolutely lucky we are to have the honor to witness something so breathtaking on a daily basis. granted i get ocean sunrises, but i'm never up at 530 when they occur, but a sunset over dirty industry? not nearly as exquisite. i also caught a glimpse of my old friend/ ex-mary's coworker david hinkley and literally rewound the movie three times to reassure myself it was him. SO COOL!

i want this:



how cute is her little shack/home?



:D love you all

what!?

yesterday in one of my american studies courses, i read the most hilarious thing. okay, we all know that columbus thought the world was flat, right? WRONG! in fact, columbus believed that the world, and i quote, "is like a round ball, on part of which is something like a woman's nipple..." a woman's nipple? seriously? columbus thinks that the earth is shaped like a boob? i'm sitting in the library as i type this, giggling to myself at this newfound knowledge. i just can't even fathom... oh, the things we learn in college.

this week has been exhausting, and it's only the first! i don't know what i'm going to do this semester if every week is like this one. ugh.

if you recall from a previous post of mine, i mentioned something about a surprise, and since i officially took the days off of work yesterday, i can officially tell you that i'm going home for spring break! i found a ticket on jetblue, non-stop roundtrip, for $300. so sweet! i can't wait to see everyone :) i'm especially excited to see erika, since it will be the week before our birthday. last birthday was the first one spent apart, and i felt so lonely! most people believe birthdays to be the one day of the year where one is allowed to be selfish, but for me, it is meant to be shared. thank god jennelle's is right before mine, or i would have felt completely selfish.

i wish you all a lovely weekend :) superbowl! (even though i have no idea who's playing, nor do i even care, really...) but enjoy it!

xoxox

151.00

today was gnarly. i started classes at 8 o'clock, was out by two, and had to work from four till close (which is two AM...) i've been exhausted all day, but for some reason now that i'm home, i don't/can't fall asleep. a storm is coming our way, and i'm keeping my fingers crossed that classes will be canceled so this staying up late won't come back and bite me tomorrow.


one of the classes that i'm taking is "images of the body" and i am so excited for it. we have to choose an image for next class, and i chose this one by renoir:

tonight at work, i had this table of three little old ladies. one of them asked why i didn't have an accent, so i told her i was from sonoma. this cute little old woman shrieked aloud, telling me that she LOVES sonoma, is a member of the benziger winery club (which i didn't even know existed...) and she even guessed the crossroads of our neighborhood from my slight description! it was just the cutest thing.

it's kind of ironic that i would have such an encounter, because i've thinking very strongly about moving back.. i know i've written many ideas on here, and i very well may change my mind again, but it just seems like a wonderful moment of opportunity for me, kind of like moving back east in the first place was. it's not that i really miss home, or that i hate boston now; it's quite the opposite, actually. it really comes down to the yearning i have to be close to my family. two years away has been great, but it's really very difficult to be so inconveniently far away from them. it's very hard to put into words exactly what i mean, and because of that i don't talk about this very much out loud. i feel like a part of me is missing though, and it's beginning to ache a little bit.


i'm slightly ashamed to admit, even though my dad told me not to be, but i feel a little bit hypocritical. i was so adamant about moving away from sonoma, from california, succeeding in a new place, refusing to be one of those SVHS kids who ends up at the JC. even more so, i refused to be one of the kids who goes off their respective distant school, only to find themselves back in sonoma, taking classes at the JC, because they couldn't survive in their original destination. i don't want to make any justifications or excuses about why i am probably going to end up like my worst nightmare, but two years is quite a while to live somewhere else, especially straight out of high school.

pardon all of this talk.. i'll most likely end up writing an entry in the new few weeks that's declaring my undying love for boston, or jumping for joy at my acceptance to NYU or something, but in the meantime, all i crave is california.

xoxo, ashley

escuela.

my first class was this morning at 9 AM, and my friend james ended up being in the class too! i haven't seen him since last spring, so it was exciting to see him again. i have an enormous break from 10-1, and i'm so bored, i don't know what to do with myself. except take ridiculous pictures.. i don't know what to think of this one.

i've been thinking a lot lately about transferring to a school back in california. it's probably because it's the middle of winter, and i've been sick, but the southern california sunshine sounds beyond incredible.. this twenty degree weather is no longer my preferred cup of tea. i find myself dreaming of the house i grew up in, daydreaming about what my life would be like living in LA, SLO, san diego, or san francisco. i really miss (almost) constant warm weather, not having to check the weather six times in one day, and not worrying about getting brain freeze from being outside for two minutes. uhg. in state tuition wouldn't be too shabby either!

what i am excited about is that erika and i have been video chatting again! it's so much cooler than just talking on the phone.

route 66

i have woken up the past two mornings feeling like a combination of a middle-aged woman having a hot flash and a 95-year-old woman who's body is just barely functioning anymore. this flu is kicking my ass, and it's also giving me the most random dreams..

two nights ago, i dreamt i was back in sonoma, in the house on la placita. i was just visiting from boston, but while i was there, i got this tiny little white puppy. i don't know what kind it was, but he was white with a short coat, and he had all these little wrinkles! i showed him off to everyone, making people feel how unbelievably soft he was, and i could not figure out how i was supposed to bring him back to boston with me. i have never really been a dog person, but i could not bear to leave this little guy behind or to give him away. he was just so little, so soft.. and i never even gave him a name!


a friend of mine recently asked me, most likely jokingly, if i wanted to road trip across the country with him this summer. even though we probably won't go (although i hope we do!!), i had a dream last night about this potential road trip.. it was pretty vague, and considering the route we took and the sights we saw, it didn't make sense, but the whole trip seemed like so much fun :)

i'm a worm..

a BOOKworm, that is. i've read more books this winter break than i have in a while.. longer than i can remember, actually. this may be one of my nerdiest confessions, but one moment i'm looking forward to when i get my own place is filling up my first bookshelf. i cannot wait for that moment when i put that last book into place, step back, and admire the miniature library i have gradually acquired.

ice + snow = ashley + couch

i got back into boston yesterday morning after a pretty decent flight. american airlines is gaining some points back! i slept 4 of the 5 hours of the flight :) our plane got stuck on the runway for an hour though because the other planes at the gates were de-icing, and it was taking a while.

lemme tell you, boston is a cold, windy, slushy mess right now. yuck. yo quiero california, por favor!

i ended up falling asleep on the couch until almost 4 PM, which made me feel completely ridiculous. i spent all evening reorganizing my entire bedroom, storing some of my old school work, and putting together my ever-growing book collection (yeee!). my body is still on west coast time though, and with no help from that super-nap, i couldn't fall asleep until 3 AM. i took some medicine for my aching jaw/head, which i didn't think helped me at all, but i could NOT get out of bed this morning until 1, and because i forced myself to get up. some powerful stuff she gave me!

so i've spent the day reading, catching up on some work stuff, and staying away from the misery that is outside. my first day back at work is tomorrow, followed by an additional 5 shifts in a row (not fun!) so my schedule's looking pretty frightening right about now. i need to start making money again, so i guess it'll be worth it. 6 days straight, and then at least four days off. here i go!

there's no place like home, part deux...

so, i'm sadly leaving california tonight. usually i am very anxious to get back to boston at this point in my trip, but this time, i am almost dreading going back. being home is so comforting, and after this homesickness-filled, stressful semester, there is no where else i'd rather be. BUT, i think mother nature might be eavesdropping my thoughts and concerns because boston is getting a storm tomorrow morning, and my flight is supposed to land right in the midst of it, so i may get to stay for a bit longer! i doubt it, but it's a possibility :)

this entire break has been filled with the twilight saga, collegeboard.com, photobooth, and lots of money spending (yikes about the last one.. i need to do some serious catching-up on my finances. well worth it though :)) here's some documentation:






i also think there is a possibility of moving to new york city earlier than i had planned! i've applied to a couple of schools there, so i'm keeping my fingers crossed that one of them works out. i was considering looking for schools in oregon, washington, and chicago, but i think staying on the east coast makes the most sense. i cannot quit.

this evening has been so very nice...

i love sonoma! for some reason, it has felt so good to be home, more so this trip than any other. i haven't seen as many of my friends as i thought i would have by now, but hanging out with my family is fine enough for me :)

claire is incredible and so fun to hang out with.. i've missed her a lot, so it's just been really fantastic getting to hang out with her some more.

erika is absolutely stunning, so smart.. i'd forgotten, sort of, how majestic she is. we went on a bike ride/run the other morning, and even though we didn't say much, i loved being with her. that must sound so lame, but i can't really explain it, and i don't think it needs defending!

i'm home!

i don't like american airlines all too well. but it feels lovely to be here :)

Help!

i'm in quite a predicament.. Here's my story: You see, I wanted something very much for quite a while but was told I would never be able to have it. Just last night, though, it was brought to my attention that I could very well have it. I should be stoked, right? For some reason, I don't know how I feel about the situation. I should be ecstatic, jumping for joy, running through the streets, singing christmas carols in public, but... I'm not! I mean, I am, but I can't identify my exact feelings on the situation. I'm partially worried that the gap between rejection and availability was too long, and I no longer feel the same excitement towards the situation. At the same time though, why pass up something that I invested so much of my time, energy, and emotions into.. What's a girl to do?!

also, i think i am quite stressed out right now, but i tend to suppress my stressful emotions and go along with life without facing it straight on. Usually i catch a cold, but this time I haven't been eating. Hmm.. 13 days!

put me down, life!

i feel lost right now, and i don't think i'm okay with it. maybe it's stress, or boredom, or anxiety, or depression... i really don't know, and it makes me feel very vulnerable. never in my life have i been unhappy with school, but right now, there is nothing i would rather abandon. this new job of mine hasn't turned out to be as promising or secure as i had hoped, and this financial uncertainty is taking a huge toll on my mental stability. this job has made me realize that i do NOT handle stressful situations very well. nothing feels right anymore, and it makes me wonder if i'm in the wrong place, if boston isn't where i'm supposed to be.

i miss laughing with my sisters. the comfort of my mom's hugs. going on crazy adventures with my dad. cozying up in my big fluffy bed. riding my bike to the basque. singing with cat. five weeks and i'm home! oooh, i never thought sonoma would sound so good...