sigur ros, please.

i love family and the holiday season. my dad and i drove to syracuse yesterday to visit my uncle tod and his family, and i can't even believe how much i missed them. tod and phyllis are so hospitable and loving, it's fantastic :) snowflakes were falling last night that had the same diameter as an orange, no joke. it was insanity!

my creative writing professor played this song for us on tuesday for a writing prompt, and i literally started crying in class. it's just so beautiful and emotional, i couldn't contain myself! is that silly? anyway, have a listen.. you'll want to save the world, just like i did.

wanna hear a story?

this morning, i was awoken by a text message from my dad asking me if i was awake (which i wasn't planning on being at 7 AM on a sunday...) but I decided not to write him back until I was really awake. I thought though, how weird that dad is awake at 4 AM asking if I was awake too... right? I figured it was a mistake or delayed text though, but five minutes later, right as i was falling back asleep, he wrote me a message that said "it's a beautifa day" (inside family joke...) and i was like, what is he talking about? It can't be a beautiful day at 4 AM! maybe he's sending these on accident. So, right as I was writing him back, asking if he was intentionally sending me these random texts, he called! what the fuck? i thought.

panicked, i answered, "hello? dad? are you alright?"
"hey ash, i'm fine, yeah, don't worry. say, what floor are you on?"
"second. why?"
"look outside."
i figured he had a case of insomnia and decided to check the weather in boston and found it had snowed overnight. looking outside, i said, "dad, it's not snowi- you have to be kidding me. are you kidding me right now?!"
"hahahah, it's freezing. let me in!"

my incredible father was standing there, in the parking lot of harbor point, and SURPRISED ME!!!! i obviously burst into tears and ran downstairs to let him in.

----

now, we're sitting in the apartment, and i'm in utter shock. my whole family knew about this and didn't tell me! mom, claire, uncle tod, EVERYONE. this couldn't have come at a more perfect time, considering my overwhelming homesickness. i just love my family so unbelievably much, it's indescribable. he's staying all week too! oh my god, i love my life.

11.19

i hate when people misspell words on purpose, ie "tha" instead of "the" or "kool" instead of "cool." you aren't saving any letters, and you look illiterate. sheesh.

today was the first day it has been truly, honestly, miserably cold. i nearly started running home from class, it was so bitter. here we go, new england winter!

a guy came to buy my car yesterday but decided to "pass." I was thinking about it today, and I'm afraid no one will want to buy a little sedan right before winter, unless they're either 1. desperate for a vehicle, or 2. looking for a winter project car. The car isn't even that horrible, but it isn't perfect. i just want to get rid of it, already!!

xoxox.

put me down, life!

i feel lost right now, and i don't think i'm okay with it. maybe it's stress, or boredom, or anxiety, or depression... i really don't know, and it makes me feel very vulnerable. never in my life have i been unhappy with school, but right now, there is nothing i would rather abandon. this new job of mine hasn't turned out to be as promising or secure as i had hoped, and this financial uncertainty is taking a huge toll on my mental stability. this job has made me realize that i do NOT handle stressful situations very well. nothing feels right anymore, and it makes me wonder if i'm in the wrong place, if boston isn't where i'm supposed to be.

i miss laughing with my sisters. the comfort of my mom's hugs. going on crazy adventures with my dad. cozying up in my big fluffy bed. riding my bike to the basque. singing with cat. five weeks and i'm home! oooh, i never thought sonoma would sound so good...

boys, vehicles, and rainy days.

just in case all you women out there were wondering, there are, in fact, caring, honest, and genuine men in the world. don't lose hope :)



i think i may have found a buyer for my car! i bought the thing back in july, and it passed away on me twice, and i just can't handle it anymore. besides, hopefully hunter and i are going to live in the city in the near future, and it would be pointless to have a car while living there. oh well, we've gotta make mistakes in order to learn anything, right?

so, i am declaring, hopefully and confidently, that i am going to be a music major. so much for testing out all of the technical, stiff majors out there. music is what i really love, so why not just dive in head first and shimmy? i don't have anything to lose. on that note, i've decided to start putting myself out there more, here and there, with this whole music thing. [austin nevins, if you are reading this, i would love love LOVE to take guitar lessons from you.. please don't hesitate to offer ;) ] now, i realize that those last two sentences were a bit contradictory, but i'm working on it, i promise :)

xoxox.

oh, p.s. i tried dying my hair blonde tonight, and it literally didn't do anything. nothing at all. nope. comeon, chemicals, do your job!

vet's day!

i feel like the past two days have been so eventful, but i can't seem to find the words to describe it.  zach came up to visit from the Coast Guard Academy, with one of his friends.  

(we met zach when we were young, thirteen i believe, at surf camp in california. his dad is in the coast guard too and was stationed in eureka, and the summer after we met, he had to move away. we kept in touch though, and a couple of weeks ago, after six years, we reunited!) 

it's difficult for me to realize that we haven't seen each other in so long, yet we click so well.  he's come up twice now, and it is just so nice to have him in my life again.  i met him last night at the train station, and the three of us met up with some friends in town for dinner. it was the greatest thing to walk through the streets of boston, on veteran's day, with two gorgeous boys in uniform, everyone staring at us, teenage girls giggling, followed by a chorus of "thank you's." cool :)

also, this song/musician is amazing. 

blankets.

this morning is perfect... outside it's foggy, cold, a little bit rainy, but i'm laying here cozy and warm in my bed. i have today off, my first complete day off in... honestly longer than i can remember. warm blankets, hot chocolate, tessie, a book... lovely :) 

i think i'll go into the city and explore today. i have to organize my class schedule for next semester, which i think is going to be a little difficult, considering i have no idea what i want to do anymore. i need to be enlightened this coming semester, or i swear i'm going to go crazy!

i don't think i have ever felt more proud to live in this country as i do now. i just feel so lucky to be young, informed, and able to have participated in such a momentous moment in our country's history. this idea of change, of a true united states, makes me feel like i can breathe comfortably for the first time. i love how hunter explained it: the past two years (of eight years, for that matter...) have been physically exhausting. the frustration that this entire country has gone through was lifted and finally gave us a sense of peace. that night, november 4, 2008, our country slept comfortably again.

it's remarkable how one person can have such a tremendous affect on such a giant community of people.

love,

ashley.

el primero.

i'm not sure what provoked me to start a blog. i miss having the chance to express my thoughts, concerns, frustrations, excitements, adventures. this has been quite a crazy couple of years, and i'm disappointed in myself for not documenting it properly. anne gave us journals as graduation presents, ensuring us that they would be incredible time capsules to look back on and relive our insane adventures. i actually kept up with it for the first few months, but after a while... i don't know, i guess i just got sick of it. it became a "today this happened, and then that happened, and i met these people, and it was great!" and it became too monotonous to maintain.

the inertia that my life had a few months, even weeks, ago feels like it has slowed down to a painful crawl. i'm broke. i have no love interest (thus making me feel incredibly lonely). the biggest disappointment for me is that my classes are not in the least bit interesting, which ruins the entire path i had set for myself.  deep down, i know where i want to go with my life, but realistically speaking, i don't think i have the ambition to get there. i'm feeling this sense of vulnerable suspension, and i hate it. i hate not having a goal or a direction to work towards. 

welcome to my life :)

love,

ashley.