sore throat.

happy new years eve, everyone! it has recently come to my attention that more people are finding out about this pathetic little blog i've attempted to create, so... should i give you an update of my life? or should i use this blog to be more insightful about life's happenings and voice my philosophical opinions? lemme know.. but, in the meantime, i guess i'll give an update or two :)


first and foremost, i chopped my hair off! i don't regret it, persay, but the girls and i all had a plan to grow our hair really long, and i was the first to bail. i don't want to go into details about my decision, but let's just say that it's a cute cut, and i love it! i hope you do too ;)

secondly, it's new years eve, and i don't have any set plans for midnight again! what the hell, right? but today i'm excited for though. bethany and i are going shopping down in corte madera, and then to dinner at this delicious sushi restaurant in petaluma called hiro.. so stoked! she's already going to a party tonight, and i was invited to another, but we'll see what happens.

someone is supposed to call me tonight if he doesn't find anything to do, and honestly i don't think he will call, but secretly i really hope he does :)

anyway, tonight brings in the most anticipated, change-filled, incredible 2009 to our realities, and i cannot wait. think of some resolutions! this is going to be a great year.

take my breath awaayyyyy....

yes please. pretty, pretty please.

(photo courtesy of People Magazine...)

new glasses!

i got some. sweet!

this evening has been so very nice...

i love sonoma! for some reason, it has felt so good to be home, more so this trip than any other. i haven't seen as many of my friends as i thought i would have by now, but hanging out with my family is fine enough for me :)

claire is incredible and so fun to hang out with.. i've missed her a lot, so it's just been really fantastic getting to hang out with her some more.

erika is absolutely stunning, so smart.. i'd forgotten, sort of, how majestic she is. we went on a bike ride/run the other morning, and even though we didn't say much, i loved being with her. that must sound so lame, but i can't really explain it, and i don't think it needs defending!

i'm home!

i don't like american airlines all too well. but it feels lovely to be here :)

paaaarrrtaaaaay!

the girls and i hosted a little dinner party last night with all of our friends, and it ended up being so fantastic. we figured having a get together, making food, taking pictures, and all of that fun stuff would be better than just buying gifts for one another and trying to find the time to make the proper exchanges. i meant to make one of those cheesy announcements last night, but i never got the courage, i guess, to do so. i don't think the friends i've made out here really realize how much like family they are to me, which makes a little bit of sense, considering they're all locals and have their own families here. but with my real family so far away, i've created my own in my head with my friends, and i appreciated it so so much to have everyone together last night. i'm such a ham, but 'tis the season, right?

there's no place like home...

this is the heel-clicking stage of my departure home. it's early, which i don't mind too much because i have plenty of errands to run today. i think i'll leave for the airport around four, hoping to GOD (again) that the flights are on time by now. only roughly eighteen hours until i'm home!

i miss my sisters...

Oh, Newport...

I woke up this morning after a mere three point five hours of sleep to catch the train to Rhode Island, and now here I am sitting in the lovely little home of my lovely aunt and uncle :) Twenty minutes ago, outside was normal, dry, and freezing; yet, now, as I type this, I am looking outside and seeing nothing but white! Around eight to ten inches of snow is expected today, and it couldn't be more incredible! New England architecture is a perfect haven for winter-related scenery too, so everything looks so quaint and adorable.. so cozy! These are just little flakes, but the trees, the houses, everything is completely coated.

Tomorrow night, the whole family is coming over for a big ol' pre-christmas feast! Josh just got home from Idaho last night, and now I'm here, so they all see it as a time for some family gathering and celebration, which makes me feel really great. It's so fun having a big family out here, and having them want to celebrate the fact that I'm visiting. Deborah just got engaged too, so I guess it's an Ashley's here / Josh's here / Deborah's engaged / Christmas bash. Oh well, either way, it makes me all warm and fuzzy witnessing the immense amounts of love that are in this side of my family.

It only makes me that much more excited for California!

My flight is on Monday, and I am praying to the almighty king of kings, lord of lords, thou who shall reign forever and ever, Jesus Christ, that my flight won't be delayed and/or canceled. I would be so upset! Hopefully this gorgeous snow storm will be nice to me. In the meantime, this three point five hours of sleep is catching up with me, and this is the perfect weather for a nice little nap.

xoxox, ash

instead of studying...

i like my hat.

i got $80 for my books today, and i still have four more to return! sweet.

studying needs to start happening, probably now. see ya, kiddos.

hurr...

and, on a different note... i'm. nervous. ahhh.

...

three down, two to go... lord help me.

p.s. i dyed my hair again! dark brown with an auburn tint :) the failure of the blonde made me change direction. pictures will come soon...

i have never laughed so hard...

...as i did when i first laid eyes on this photograph.

Help!

i'm in quite a predicament.. Here's my story: You see, I wanted something very much for quite a while but was told I would never be able to have it. Just last night, though, it was brought to my attention that I could very well have it. I should be stoked, right? For some reason, I don't know how I feel about the situation. I should be ecstatic, jumping for joy, running through the streets, singing christmas carols in public, but... I'm not! I mean, I am, but I can't identify my exact feelings on the situation. I'm partially worried that the gap between rejection and availability was too long, and I no longer feel the same excitement towards the situation. At the same time though, why pass up something that I invested so much of my time, energy, and emotions into.. What's a girl to do?!

also, i think i am quite stressed out right now, but i tend to suppress my stressful emotions and go along with life without facing it straight on. Usually i catch a cold, but this time I haven't been eating. Hmm.. 13 days!

hallelujah!

- i sold my car !! i got much less than my asking price, but it's finally no longer mine, and i can breathe again.. fweww.
- sonoma is in 16 days! oh, i absolutely cannot wait.
- i love my job.
- twilight is amazing, and i'm buying myself the second book to read on the plane. don't judge me ;)
- "winter song" by sara bareilles and ingrid michaelson is my new obsession. SO CUTE!
- the chamber singing concert is monday at old south church in copley square, BUT due to subway reconstruction, the church developed huge cracks in the walls and ceiling. rumor has it that it's alright to occupy, but now we can't use the organ, which SUCKS because we're singing the messiah (hallelujah! hallelujah!) and the organ is pretty crucial. oh well.
- i am going to be very very busy these next couple of weeks.

xoxox!

the hammer hit the nail directly on the head.

courtesy of colorquiz.com...

I am:

-Easily affected by her environment and readily moved by the emotions of others. Seeks congenial relationships and an occupation which will promote them

-Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her. as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others.

-Believes that she is not receiving her share--that she is neither properly understood nor adequately appreciated. Feels that she is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave her without any sense of emotional involvement.
Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

-Feels that things stand in her way, that circumstances are forcing her to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.

-Needs to feel identified with someone or something and wishes to win support by her charm and amiability. Sentimental and yearns for a romantic tenderness.

-Has a fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants. This leads her to employ great personal charm in her dealings with others, hoping that this will make it easier for her to reach her objectives.

-Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics she admires and to display originality in her own personality.




p.s. i met a boy! yee!!!

sigur ros, please.

i love family and the holiday season. my dad and i drove to syracuse yesterday to visit my uncle tod and his family, and i can't even believe how much i missed them. tod and phyllis are so hospitable and loving, it's fantastic :) snowflakes were falling last night that had the same diameter as an orange, no joke. it was insanity!

my creative writing professor played this song for us on tuesday for a writing prompt, and i literally started crying in class. it's just so beautiful and emotional, i couldn't contain myself! is that silly? anyway, have a listen.. you'll want to save the world, just like i did.

wanna hear a story?

this morning, i was awoken by a text message from my dad asking me if i was awake (which i wasn't planning on being at 7 AM on a sunday...) but I decided not to write him back until I was really awake. I thought though, how weird that dad is awake at 4 AM asking if I was awake too... right? I figured it was a mistake or delayed text though, but five minutes later, right as i was falling back asleep, he wrote me a message that said "it's a beautifa day" (inside family joke...) and i was like, what is he talking about? It can't be a beautiful day at 4 AM! maybe he's sending these on accident. So, right as I was writing him back, asking if he was intentionally sending me these random texts, he called! what the fuck? i thought.

panicked, i answered, "hello? dad? are you alright?"
"hey ash, i'm fine, yeah, don't worry. say, what floor are you on?"
"second. why?"
"look outside."
i figured he had a case of insomnia and decided to check the weather in boston and found it had snowed overnight. looking outside, i said, "dad, it's not snowi- you have to be kidding me. are you kidding me right now?!"
"hahahah, it's freezing. let me in!"

my incredible father was standing there, in the parking lot of harbor point, and SURPRISED ME!!!! i obviously burst into tears and ran downstairs to let him in.

----

now, we're sitting in the apartment, and i'm in utter shock. my whole family knew about this and didn't tell me! mom, claire, uncle tod, EVERYONE. this couldn't have come at a more perfect time, considering my overwhelming homesickness. i just love my family so unbelievably much, it's indescribable. he's staying all week too! oh my god, i love my life.

11.19

i hate when people misspell words on purpose, ie "tha" instead of "the" or "kool" instead of "cool." you aren't saving any letters, and you look illiterate. sheesh.

today was the first day it has been truly, honestly, miserably cold. i nearly started running home from class, it was so bitter. here we go, new england winter!

a guy came to buy my car yesterday but decided to "pass." I was thinking about it today, and I'm afraid no one will want to buy a little sedan right before winter, unless they're either 1. desperate for a vehicle, or 2. looking for a winter project car. The car isn't even that horrible, but it isn't perfect. i just want to get rid of it, already!!

xoxox.

put me down, life!

i feel lost right now, and i don't think i'm okay with it. maybe it's stress, or boredom, or anxiety, or depression... i really don't know, and it makes me feel very vulnerable. never in my life have i been unhappy with school, but right now, there is nothing i would rather abandon. this new job of mine hasn't turned out to be as promising or secure as i had hoped, and this financial uncertainty is taking a huge toll on my mental stability. this job has made me realize that i do NOT handle stressful situations very well. nothing feels right anymore, and it makes me wonder if i'm in the wrong place, if boston isn't where i'm supposed to be.

i miss laughing with my sisters. the comfort of my mom's hugs. going on crazy adventures with my dad. cozying up in my big fluffy bed. riding my bike to the basque. singing with cat. five weeks and i'm home! oooh, i never thought sonoma would sound so good...

boys, vehicles, and rainy days.

just in case all you women out there were wondering, there are, in fact, caring, honest, and genuine men in the world. don't lose hope :)



i think i may have found a buyer for my car! i bought the thing back in july, and it passed away on me twice, and i just can't handle it anymore. besides, hopefully hunter and i are going to live in the city in the near future, and it would be pointless to have a car while living there. oh well, we've gotta make mistakes in order to learn anything, right?

so, i am declaring, hopefully and confidently, that i am going to be a music major. so much for testing out all of the technical, stiff majors out there. music is what i really love, so why not just dive in head first and shimmy? i don't have anything to lose. on that note, i've decided to start putting myself out there more, here and there, with this whole music thing. [austin nevins, if you are reading this, i would love love LOVE to take guitar lessons from you.. please don't hesitate to offer ;) ] now, i realize that those last two sentences were a bit contradictory, but i'm working on it, i promise :)

xoxox.

oh, p.s. i tried dying my hair blonde tonight, and it literally didn't do anything. nothing at all. nope. comeon, chemicals, do your job!

vet's day!

i feel like the past two days have been so eventful, but i can't seem to find the words to describe it.  zach came up to visit from the Coast Guard Academy, with one of his friends.  

(we met zach when we were young, thirteen i believe, at surf camp in california. his dad is in the coast guard too and was stationed in eureka, and the summer after we met, he had to move away. we kept in touch though, and a couple of weeks ago, after six years, we reunited!) 

it's difficult for me to realize that we haven't seen each other in so long, yet we click so well.  he's come up twice now, and it is just so nice to have him in my life again.  i met him last night at the train station, and the three of us met up with some friends in town for dinner. it was the greatest thing to walk through the streets of boston, on veteran's day, with two gorgeous boys in uniform, everyone staring at us, teenage girls giggling, followed by a chorus of "thank you's." cool :)

also, this song/musician is amazing. 

blankets.

this morning is perfect... outside it's foggy, cold, a little bit rainy, but i'm laying here cozy and warm in my bed. i have today off, my first complete day off in... honestly longer than i can remember. warm blankets, hot chocolate, tessie, a book... lovely :) 

i think i'll go into the city and explore today. i have to organize my class schedule for next semester, which i think is going to be a little difficult, considering i have no idea what i want to do anymore. i need to be enlightened this coming semester, or i swear i'm going to go crazy!

i don't think i have ever felt more proud to live in this country as i do now. i just feel so lucky to be young, informed, and able to have participated in such a momentous moment in our country's history. this idea of change, of a true united states, makes me feel like i can breathe comfortably for the first time. i love how hunter explained it: the past two years (of eight years, for that matter...) have been physically exhausting. the frustration that this entire country has gone through was lifted and finally gave us a sense of peace. that night, november 4, 2008, our country slept comfortably again.

it's remarkable how one person can have such a tremendous affect on such a giant community of people.

love,

ashley.

el primero.

i'm not sure what provoked me to start a blog. i miss having the chance to express my thoughts, concerns, frustrations, excitements, adventures. this has been quite a crazy couple of years, and i'm disappointed in myself for not documenting it properly. anne gave us journals as graduation presents, ensuring us that they would be incredible time capsules to look back on and relive our insane adventures. i actually kept up with it for the first few months, but after a while... i don't know, i guess i just got sick of it. it became a "today this happened, and then that happened, and i met these people, and it was great!" and it became too monotonous to maintain.

the inertia that my life had a few months, even weeks, ago feels like it has slowed down to a painful crawl. i'm broke. i have no love interest (thus making me feel incredibly lonely). the biggest disappointment for me is that my classes are not in the least bit interesting, which ruins the entire path i had set for myself.  deep down, i know where i want to go with my life, but realistically speaking, i don't think i have the ambition to get there. i'm feeling this sense of vulnerable suspension, and i hate it. i hate not having a goal or a direction to work towards. 

welcome to my life :)

love,

ashley.