memories in music.

"How Bizarre" by OMC
When this mid-90's tune hits my ears, all I see is my mom's little white Toyota (again, hahah) driving down Arnold Drive through the SDC. It's usually either Spring or Fall in my memory, the air is fresh and temperate, and those incredible trees are either full of gorgeous green leaves, or the array of multicolored leaves have half fallen on the road. I am about seven or eight years old in my mind, wondering what "bizarre" means, and curious as to which parts of this song are actually bizarre. (It's funny to me that Erika hears this song and thinks of driving around with our babysitter.. I never made that association!)

"Right Moves" by Josh Ritter
Given this man is the one current artist that I never have and never will get tired of, it was difficult to choose one of his songs that stands out the most for me. This particular song is so uplifting, so exhilarating, mixing rock instruments, string instruments, horns, a simple melody, and an immense amount of enthusiasm. The line that follows the instrumental sings "I heard the night birds picking up their song, you threw your hair back and you sang along..." and I cannot hear that line without feeling giddy! The instrumental has such a strong build up, and by the time Josh comes back in, there is so much momentum and energy, it's difficult not to get excited. At his concert with the Boston Pops, I could have sworn that he smiled at me during that line too :)

"Playground Love" by Air
High school, mary jane, driving down Arnold Drive near Leveroni Road, my infatuation with a certain co-worker... This song has such a relaxing tone, it's difficult not to close your eyes and just sway to the beat. I know this was on the "Virgin Suicides" soundtrack, but sometimes I can picture this playing along to a sped-up film of a road.. a time lapse of sorts.. driving down a two-lane, foggy road, lined with redwood trees...

"Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova
I saw their film "ONCE" just before I moved to Boston and absolutely fell in love with it and the soundtrack. When I first moved here, I was so full of excitement, newfound independence, and hope for love, and this song was especially prevalent in my life. The lyrics are simple yet relatable, and the harmony is one that can easily get the tears flowing. I picture myself sitting on the 77 up Mass Ave. in Arlington, staring at my cute bus driver, anticipating the chilly Northeastern air outside on my walk up to the house where I babysat, trying not to slip on the icy brick sidewalks.

"My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
Anyone who was a preteen when this song came out knows why it made my memory list. I think I speak for every girl when I say that Jack Dawson was our first love, and I don't think any further explanation is necessary.

"Ladies and Gentlemen" by Saliva
Knowing me, this song is quite out of character, but allow me to explain. Jennelle moved into our apartment in September, and that fall, this song was part of some video game commercial that played every so often, and I loved it! I thought it was stupid to like a song that was part of a video game, so I never said anything. I was so intimidated by Jennelle's love of Metallica, System of a Down, and WBCN, her accent, and her humor, and I was convinced that I was too much of a goody-goody to be friends with someone so "hardcore" (I know this sounds like an exaggeration, but I'm serious!) Anyway, the video game commercial came on, and I quietly said, "I know this is lame, but I really like this song," and Jennelle was like, "Me too! I didn't want to say anything though!" "OMG me either!" I probably responded, and from then on, I was no longer intimidated by Jennelle. The cool girl and I had something in common, and I was set!

"Sensitive" by Jewel
This song radiates everything that is my incredible twin sister. As an innocent first grader, Erika heard this song and decided it was her favorite. Her distinctive round handwriting is in the front of our Dunbar yearbook, establishing this as her favorite song and Anabelle as her best friend. Listening to it now, I cannot help but cry. Erika has always been so wise beyond her years, so thoughtful and so intelligent, and I don't think she's ever gotten enough credit for it. For a six year old to hear this song and relate to it is phenomenal, and I can guarantee you she knew the deep meanings of what Jewel had written... "You always tell me that it's impossible to be respected and be a girl" ... I can just hear that little girl declaring that she was not going to let that happen in her life. She has always had such a sure sense of herself, her life, her morals and goals, and I admire her more than words can express.

"Time After Time" by Ella Fitzgerald
I don't know if Ella was the first to sing this, but her version is definitely one of my favorites. This song was number six on my list of songs to record for my senior project, and I only ended up recording five. Before I die, I am promising myself that I'm going to perform this on some occasion, be it in a studio, in a club somewhere (with my new roommate?! haha), who knows. I have a plan for this song too, but I don't want to write it anywhere and spoil the surprise, but hopefully within the next five or so years, my plan can be put into action! Such a beautiful love song.

"Marry You" by Eric Clapton and BB King
When this album came out, my uncle bought it for every single person he knew, trying to spread the glory that is the two of these great musicians collaborating. This was roughly around the time that my uncle and Phyllis had fallen in love, and I know that he probably thinks of her when he hears this song. It's a great song as it is, but knowing that it was the anthem of two incredible people falling in love with one another makes it all the more beautiful to me.

"Into the Mystic" by Van Morrison
One of the greatest songs of all time, hands down. I don't know if Hunter and I ever declared this as our song, but I will always think of him when I hear it. The soft guitar in the beginning, the simple verses, and the climactic chorus makes the heart beat much stronger.

"Pride and Joy" by Stevie Ray Vaughan
All I see is Highway 37, just past Sears Point, windows down, summertime, SRV blasting over the speakers, my dad playing seatbelt guitar like it's his job. He's so good! If I was driving, he'd have to listen to some Jimi (since Jimi was a lefty), but otherwise it was all about Stevie Ray Vaughan. Oh my god, I'm cracking up.. My dad is so cool! I can just see him biting his lower lip, squinting his eyes, and rocking out on his seatbelt with such devotion and power, you'd think he was a rockstar in his past life. Maybe he's where I get my musical talent! We'd take these random trips down to Marin, either to go hiking, see my grandparents, discover some new independent bike store, or just to go on an adventure for no reason.

"Feel it Now" by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
"I'm on my own I'm sure I'll know it now, I'm on my own I'm sure I'll feel it now..." was the line I listened to over and over again in my homesickness. The song is comprised of a simple piano melody and a hauntingly beautiful harmony. A guitar comes in halfway through the song, but other than that, it is simple and enchanting.

"Somewhere Over The Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
Where do I even begin my admiration for this rendition?! Not only is his voice one of the most soothing voices that has ever graced my ears, he combined two of the most amazing songs into such a emotion medley. It does bother me that the lyrics of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" are not exactly what Judy Garland had originally sung, but I digress. "What a Wonderful World" was my Granny's favorite song, and while I will always cry at Louis' version, the second Israel starts singing, I cannot help but get a little weepy.

"The Way" by Fastball
I hope my mom remembers this moment, because it was what made me terrified of singing in public throughout my childhood. Let me tell a quick story before I explain the memory: When I was a little girl, I went through a phase where I wasn't that big of a fan of school, so I would pretend to be sick just to be able to stay home all day and watch music videos on VH1. All of the cool music played on MTV, but I preferred VH1 for some reason. Anyway, during this time, I was introduced to this band, Fastball. "The Way" was their new song, the music video was adventurous and cool, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to hear it whenever I wanted. Anyway, we were at Tower Records one day, and I went straight for the personal listening station, put on the headphones, and turned on this song as loud as I could. I was ecstatic, singing, dancing in place.. I looked over at my mom to share my thrill with someone, only to be greeted with the stares of every person in the store. My mom came running over, mortified, to let me know that I had been singing loudly off-key, and everyone in the store had heard me. SO embarrassing, right?! Ugh, I was humiliated. Thank god I was a kid so I could get away with it, but to this day, I will never forget standing in Tower, wearing my cream colored dress with purple flowers and my Tevas, rocking out to this song.

"Mardi Gras Fever" by Gatorbeat
You cannot grow up in Sonoma without being a fan of Gatorbeat. Every one of their songs has the ability to make even the shyest person get up and dance (me, for instance), but this song is what I think of when I think of them. We would travel around Northern California going to crawdad festivals, oceanside shows, hanging out with Richie's kids, dancing with beads around our necks, friendship necklaces, and being carefree hippy kids. The Domingue family is so loving and so incredibly optimistic, and I feel so honored to be able to know them personally. Gatorbeat's music epitomizes my childhood, and I LOVE IT!

"Nessun Dorma" by Luciano Pavarotti
There is no other way to play this song other than loudly and surrounded by the sound from all angles. It is such a passionate, climactic song, guaranteed to get the tears flowing if the timing is right and the emotions are vulnerable. Manowar did a rendition of this song (my knowledge of this is what got the head chef at my restaurant to think I was cool!) I personally do not think that anyone can top Pavarotti. He made this song as epic and definitive as could have been possible. Amazing!

"The Sea" by Morcheeba
I love my mom so much. My whole life, she has stressed the importance of the ocean in our life, taught us to trust how sacred it is, how to care about it as a way of healing, therapy, and stress reducer. We would hop in The Van, boogie boards in the back, surf board tied to the top of the car (stopping every fifteen minutes to try to get rid of the whistling the straps had created.. SO FUNNY!) We would make our way to Doran, Salmon Creek, or Bolinas, our little picnic basket filled with chips, salsa, homemade chicken salad, and a various piece of fruit. There is one stretch of road that winds its way through the hills right before the beaches appear, and that's what I think of when I hear this song.. I can picture our van cruising down the mountains, S-curving every which way, until finally the ocean became visible over the horizon.

"Fix Up, Look Sharp" by Dizzee Rascal
While we were working on Pippin, there was an orgy scene that we had to rewrite in order to make the show PG, and Cat had the brilliant idea of having a dance off instead. In order to inspire us and show us what she had in mind, we spent one rehearsal watching "RiZe", a documentary about the dance style "krumping" and its history in LA. This song was one of the main songs they danced to, so as a warm up, we would play this, stand in a circle, and just dance. We had to close our eyes and just let the music and the beat take ahold of our bodies and just let go. Every person had to go in the middle of the circle and dance by themselves, and I credit my ability to dance in public to this process. I still have very little rhythm, but this song always makes me want to dance.

"Take Five" by The Dave Brubeck Quartet
What an incredible piece of music, huh? Sometimes it reminds me of the old Chips Ahoy commercials, other times it reminds me of "Pleasantville", but mostly I think of Bethany and I going on adventures. We made a CD of all of the fantastic driving songs we could think of, and this was number one. The strongest memory I have with this song is that unbelievably long tunnel in Sausalito, heading out towards that old fort and Rodeo Beach.. do you know the one? It goes through the mountain?

"She's Only Happy In The Sun" by Ben Harper
I listened to this song over and over again while Erika, Grandma, and I were in Bermuda. At that point, Erika had an iPod and I didn't, so when she wasn't looking or around, I would steal it and just play this song. I was beginning to enter a pretty difficult time in my life, personally, and Ben Harper's voice was more than soothing. Being in Bermuda, I thought this to be especially appropriate, and once I was back in Sonoma, in the middle of my difficult time, I would listen to this and remember how amazing it felt to be laying in the warm sunshine, stretched out on that floating dock in the middle of that warm water, watching the planes take off and land... It still makes me a little sad to listen to it, knowing it was the anthem of my upset, lonely fifteen-year-old self.

"Layla (unplugged)" by Eric Clapton
Before I could even read very well, I distinctly remember being in love with "number seven on the CD with the man wearing glasses playing the guitar on the cover." I remember sitting in the Baldry's cottage, finding this CD, and telling Rashell that she needed to hear number 7, and she would love it. Once I found out the name of the song, I told myself that I would name my daughter Layla as a tribute to my first favorite song. It's such beautiful rendition. I love when fast, loud songs are remade to be serene and beautiful, and Eric Clapton did a phenomenal job of doing so.

"Rocky Raccoon" by The Beatles
I cannot help but think of my dad when I hear this song. I don't know when exactly he had first informed us of the classic line: "Her name was McGill, and she called herself Lil, but everyone knew her as Nancy" but he always comes to my mind when it plays. There was one trip we went on to Yosemite, and I can't remember if we had played this song, but we talked about it the entire time. We were at a gift shop where they were selling little raccoon stuffed animals holding acorns, and all three of us insisted on having one. I think Claire claimed the name "Rocky" first, but we all ended up naming our raccoons Rocky. We hopped back into Granny and Grandpa's van, drove back to Sonoma, where we met them at Ranch House, and showed them our newest friends. I loved going on adventures with my Dad.

"Red House" by Jimi Hendrix
The first time I met Hunter was when some of the ETC kids had gone to Mary's Pizza Shack for dinner, and I was elected to drive someone. After dinner, the red-headed kid got to ride with me in my dad's truck, and when I turned on the car, this song came blaring over the speakers. We had all been chatting and laughing over dinner, so we were only acquaintances. As we pulled onto Highway 12 and Hunter rolled down his window and screamed "I LOVE THIS GIRL! I LOVE THIS GIRL!" to the pedestrians, you can bet I was more than mortified. Who was this kid? I love that memory.

"She's A Rainbow" by The Rolling Stones
Erika got to fly alone before me, and I was so jealous that she even had her own traveling music routine down. She told me that it was necessary that every time she landed and walked towards baggage claim, she would play this song on her iPod as she walked. She said it was nice to play something uplifting and familiar as her homecoming theme, and to this day, I do the same thing, in her honor I suppose. I travel by myself more often than she does now, but I always have this song playing as soon as I step off the plane.

"Idaho" by Josh Ritter
I know I already have a Josh Ritter song in this compilation, but being my favorite, he needs two songs. "Idaho" is the epitome of a peaceful, soulful tribute to one's home. Josh Ritter grew up in the small town of Moscow, immersed in the land, surrounded by peace and quiet. Listening to this song conveys his life in Idaho so precisely, I assume. He's an incredible song writer and musician who doesn't have to try hard to captivate his audience. I dragged Jennelle and Heather to his concert with the Pops, and although they were not huge fans, Jennelle asked me afterwards to play "the song about him singing with wolves or something," and for a while, she would only have to say, "Hey, could you play the song?" and I'd know what she was referring to. He's addicting!

"Winter Song" by Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles
This song sounds like it's about love, but I interpret it as one about friendship. These two young women are astounding musicians, and they came together to write this adorable, serene song. It makes me think about my best friendships (Jennelle, Sierra, and Bethany), missing my sisters around the holidays, my family... I just think it's the sweetest tune, and it encompasses this past winter so strongly. This was another song that Jennelle would ask, "Could you play the song?" or "You thinking what I'm thinking?" and I'd just know that this song needed to be played.

"In My Place" by Coldplay
I fell in love the summer of 2005 when my dad, Erika, and I went to France to watch the Tour. We stayed in the French Alps, Alp d'Huez to be precise, with an Arizona-based cycling group. One of the leaders of the group was a French Canadian former rower named Pierrick, and it was love at first sight. Of course he was much too old for my brace-face, sixteen-year-old self, and he was newly happily married, but he was everything I knew I wanted in a man. I guess it was reassuring for me to see that amazing, kind, funny men DO exist, and he set the bar pretty high for my idea of a perfect companion. I was so smitten, it was painful! One afternoon while the guys were out riding, Erika and I rode around in the van with him, handing out water bottles and energy bars to struggling riders we saw along the way. Erika went off somewhere to take pictures, and Pierrick asked me if I liked Coldplay. I didn't really listen to them much at the time, but I was very enthusiastic with my "Yes!" in hopes of him falling in love with me too. In response to my answer, he began singing "In My Place", and I was done for. My heart was racing so quickly, I could hardly breathe! Naturally, this became my all-time favorite song after that, and when we left the Alps and headed towards Paris, I would listen to this constantly and sob. My heart ached so badly for love that summer, and what better place could I have found to test the potential of my young, untarnished love?

"Walking on Broken Glass" by Annie Lennox
Annie Lennox's voice is one of the best I've ever heard. As a kid, I wanted to be her so badly. I would listen to "Would I Lie To You?" and pretend like I was walking out on stage, "Keep Young and Beautiful" to practice my British accent, "Why" if I needed to get some tears out, and "Walking on Broken Glass" to work on my vocals. It sounds normal, but imagine a seven year old girl standing in the living room belting out Annie Lennox tunes. So cute! Anyway, despite my own history with this song, it will forever remind me of my amazing little sister. New Years Eve 1999/2000 (the Millennium), my parents had a big party with all of their friends. They had the idea of creating a mix tape of all of everyone's favorite songs from the last century, and each person had to choose a song and explain why they chose that particular song. My sisters and I were able to chose one song each, and Claire chose this one. She was eight years old at the time, although I remember her being much younger. Her reasoning was something along the lines of, "I chose this song because I really like walking on broken glass..." It was obvious that she was trying to be meaningful and insightful like the adults, but the way she worded it made her sound like she liked inflicting pain on herself. I think it was Joanie who pointed out the hilarity of what she had written, and Claire was so embarrassed! No one has ever let her live it down. It's just so precious, I can't even stand it.

...

Just a quick update! I know Grandma is aching to know I'm alive :) As we speak, I am on my fourth bus ride to new york to figure out an apartment situation. Lemme tell ya something: I am so sick of making this trip, I can't even begin to explain! This particular trip sucks the worst, considering I woke up at 445 to get here, the bus is full, the AC isn't working, and the man behind me not only hasn't showered in five months (evident by his stench and massive amount of upper arm hair.. Ha ha) his snore sounds like he's gurgling water! Its awful. This should be the last time I'm doing this until I move, which is actually on Friday! Whoa.

I found an old journal attempt of mine that I started right after high school. The first entry I read on July 24, and I had written, Today is July 24, which means I'm going to be in Boston in about three weeks... It was funny and strange to read about my hopes, dreams, and wishes of Boston from before I had even begun living here. I repeatedly wrote that I hoped to fall in love, gain confidence, and "live life with no restraints." It made me wonder if I had accomplished them, or achieved any of the goals I had set for myself. Granted I wasn't here as long as I had previously planned. I didn't find my soul mate, but I sure as hell gained confidence and lived life a bit more adventurously than I did in high school. I skinny dipped in the Atlantic Ocean at midnight, got my nose pierced, experienced St Patrick's Day in Southie, saw two Boston championship parades, went to a Red Sox playoff game (thanks dad!), gained a fantastic best friend and subsequent second family, traveled, made some mistakes (but no regrets!), saw betrayal and heartbreak and laughter and joy, loved my job, met up with some old friends, experienced a horrendous winter, and learned about a life that I had not known before. I think my 18 year old naïve self would be satisfied with what I've done.

childhood

As I sit on the bus home from apartment hunting in Brooklyn all day, a particular song came on my iPod that brought back a lovely memory...

It was a beautiful summer day (or was it spring?) Erika and I had been anticipating that moment for a while. [I cannot recall if it was gabrielle or emily who first introduced us to the reason for our excitement] As we walked out of the cool store and the hot California air hit our faces, we could not wait to get back into my mom's white Toyota. [I still remember that car, the way it had acquired the smell of sour milk, throw-up, and crayons throughout our childhood] The heat only strengthened the gag-inducing smell that day, but we did not care. Unwrapping the plastic was inevitably tedious. "Hurry up!" one of us probably yelled at the other. As my mom backed out of her parking spot at Maxwell Village and pressed the tape into the slot, we waited, anxious and excited for what we knew was coming. It didn't begin until we were hanging a left at the light onto Highway 12 [back in the days when the Breakaway Cafe was "Lyons".. remember?]. I can see Erika and myself in the backseat, our wonderful mother driving, most likely rolling her eyes at her giddy 9 year old twin girls, as that infamous laugh came blaring through the speakers. "Wannabe" became our anthem that summer [or spring], and to this day, I cannot hear that song without having the smile of that 9 year old girl, who had just received her first tape, stretch across my face.

cruisin'

My life is consumed by working, a lack of sleep, and occasionally going out with friends after work. I love it! I'm having more fun this summer than I've had in a very long time. Very convenient that I'm leaving so soon.. Wahh!

The fourth of july was very fun. I had to work in the afternoon, but later in the day, jennelle and I met up with one of her high school friends to watch the fireworks. She had gotten there much earlier in the day and put down a blanket RIGHT on the charles river. It was beautiful! Naturally, Boston doesn't kid around with the celebration of America's birth, so there was music, lots of food, lots of alcohol, lots of people, lots of laughter, and the most incredible fireworks display I've ever seen. The Boston Pops played, followed by a jet fly-over, four songs by Neil Diamond, and the final fireworks show. It was completely choreographed to music that was played through speakers set up all down the Charles.. I know they're just fireworks, but it took my breath away. Celebrating America's birthday in America's birthplace? Yes, please.

The next day, we went up to Wilmington to Jennelle's house for a big cookout with her family, and then went into her little town to see their fireworks show. Not in the least bit comparable to the night before, but it was really nice to be in the small town scene again, where the whole town comes out to celebrate. Made me a little homesick.... Anyway, that whole day/night was so much fun, just swimming, drinking mojitos, eating, and relaxing.
On thursday night at work, my manager hired a musician to play after dinner, and I was bouncing around all night in anticipation. He ended up having an incredible voice, so I kept telling everyone that I wanted to sing a duet with him, even though I wasn't completely serious. I did ask my manager at one point to see if it was okay if I did, but his lack of enthusiasm was enough to convince me that it wasn't a good idea. About twenty minutes after I had asked him, he comes barging into the kitchen, angrily demanding I come out to the dining room with him. He seemed so angry that I assumed I had done something wrong, someone had complained, or something to that extent; I was wrong! He grabbed my hand, walked me straight up to the singer, and said, "Yeah, excuse me? She's going to sing with you next." The guy looked a bit taken aback but asked if I knew "cruisin'" (the version by huey lewis and gwyneth paltrow that is...) "I know that one!" I stated, and he replied, a bit surprised, "well, okay then. Um, let's go!" It went perfectly! The harmonies were beautiful, neither of us forgot the lyrics, and it was so unbelievably exhilerating, I cannot even begin to explain! From my perspective, the audience was fairly big, since people crowded around, but I'm not sure how many were actually there. Either way, I'm so glad Todd made me go up there. I left that night without saying goodbye to anyone (a complete accident, I swear!) and I guess the guy wanted me to sing the last song, and I was nowhere to be found! Oops. Thanks for letting me sing with you, rocker man. It made my day/week/month.

Now, Jennelle and I are sitting on a bus to New York to go apartment hunting! I'm going to panic if I come up empty-handed. Less than three weeks until I have to leave, and as of right now, I'm homeless! Yikes. Wish me luck!!